Don't Tick Off The Shark!
by Jinzouningen
Summary: Kisame proves that he's more then capable of taking care of a certain weasel. This is a discipline fic, and I'm now comfortable with writing it. Contains spanking. Don't like? Don't touch. Thx and have a nice day.
1. Incident In The Hotel

AN:

JK: Uhm...well...no real excuse except for two reasons...1) Am I the only person who thinks Mr. High-and Mighty Uchiha Itachi needs to be taken down a few pegs? (plz answer!) 2) Bit (BIT?!) of an obsession with...erm...(blushes)

Itachi: (sighs) She has raging hormones, people. Deal with it.

JK: Teenage years rock and suck...(sighs) don't blame me, please. FF's motto is 'Unleash Your Imagination', and after watching Itachi boss Kisame around, I figured it was time to knock him down a few pegs. Don't go bitching that Itachi was OOC. I don't wanna hear it. Hell, I'll freaking laugh.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my perverted, hormone-driven mind.

-----

A trained dog.

That's what our dear sharky friend Kisame feels like. And guess who has the other end of the short leash?

"Drop it, Kisame. We didn't come here to start a war. Tempting as it is, this is not the way to go." Yup. His long-term partner, Uchiha Itachi. Kisame had always secretly wondered if Itachi would start saying commands like 'Sit.', 'Lay down.', or 'Roll over.' That would be the freaking last straw. Unfortunately, the last straw had already been dropped again and again.

Kisame never had the guts to do anything, though. Not that he was a coward or anything, it's just, well, he didn't want to do anything to upset Itachi. He didn't actually know what WOULD upset Itachi, but he didn't want to risk anything.

But, knowing the torturing mind of our favorite Uchiha, Kisame would snap in a matter of time.

In fact, it was right after they checked into their hotel before they went to confront Naruto. (They stayed in the same hotel)

Kisame's diary and a laptop in the hands of Uchiha Itachi is a terrible thing. Speaking of which, said Uchiha was seated cross-legged on his half of the bed, laptop on his lap (where the hell else is it really supposed to go? Wait, don't answer that) and Kisame's diary open in his free hand. This, my dear friends, is our beloved weasel's way of overcoming boredness. Putting excerpts of Kisame's diary on the Internet.

Kisame came up the stairs and opened the door without knocking to tell Itachi that Naruto was on his way. Unfortunately, no knocking meant no warning, and Itachi was so wrapped up in his currant task, that he didn't sense Kisame. In short, Itachi was caught red-handed. Fortunately, Itachi isn't the kind of person to lose his cool.

"Hello, Kisame."

"Itachi-san? What are you doing?"

"..."

"Itachi? Answer me."

"Since when do I answer to you?"

"Since now."

"I don't think so, Kisame. Did you find anything out?"

"Hey! Answer me first!"

"Read my lips. I. Don't. Think. So." Itachi said calmly, entering the previous date's entry.

"Read mine. TELL. ME. NOW."

"...I'm on the Internet."

"Where?"

"That, I will not say."

"Is it one of THOSE sites?"

"Erk-!"

"Itachi-san, it's okay to be a little hormone-driven..." Kisame started. Itachi was so disgusted he dropped the conveniently-hidden diary. "Eh?" Kisame retrieved it before Itachi could pick it up, gazing at the cover. "Is this my...?! It is! What the hell were you doing with it?!"

"...Nothing."

"Don't give me that!"

"Kisame! Lest you forget who you're talking to, drop the tone!" Itachi retorted, shutting down his laptop and placing it on the small desk in the room.

"I know full well who I'm talking to." Kisame snarled, approaching his partner. "A selfish brat who needs to have the rug pulled out from beneath him." Itachi stepped off the carpet.

"Can't do that now."

"You...little..."

Elapsed Snapping Time: .2 seconds.

"C'mere, now!"

"Why?"

"NOW!!" Kisame yelled. Itachi staggered backward. Kisame never got angry. Ever.

"...F-Fine." Cautiously, Itachi approached Kisame, ready to attack. He was not ready to be shoved back toward the bed and flung over his partner's knees, however, and the suddenness of it all gave Itachi no time to form a hand-sign. "What the...?! Kisame?!"

"Quiet." Kisame replied, busing himself with the task at hand. By that, he was moving Itachi's Akatsuki cloak out of his way.

"What do you think you're DOING?! Let me go!" Itachi demanded, trying to break Kisame's iron grip on him. (Damn! He's physically stronger then me...I'm at his mercy...What the hell is he DOING?!) "Let go! I don't know who you think you a-" WHAP "Ah!" Itachi's little rant was interrupted by a sharp swat to his rear, causing a small yelp of pain. It took three or four more swats for Itachi to realize his position. "Oh, Jesus." WHAP "Ah!"

"Itachi-san, be quiet." Kisame scolded lightly, continuing the sharp swats to his partner's rear.

"Ah! Kisame! Ah! Let go! O-Our mission! We...ah! Have to c-complete it!" Itachi argued, steamed that he was being treated like a child. Angrier still that it actually hurt.

"Apologize first."

"For what?!"

"My diary."

"Ow! Okay, fine! I'm sorry!" Itachi spat. Kisame sighed, but let him up anyway. He DID have a point. Itachi staggered out the door, closely followed by Kisame.

(Something tells me that this won't be the last time, Itachi-san...)

-----

AN:

JK: I want to see this as a kind of a fun little fic that I can write over time. Not every chapter will contain spanking, though. I'm actually trying to get a bond going between our favorite weasel and shark. May or may not be discontinued. I don't know. I'm abandoning stories rapid-fire, and I don't want anyone to complete them for me. Hope this will turn out okay. JK is signing out to go find Hurt/Comfort KisaIta fics! ...Man, I love angst.


	2. Returning To The Base

AN:

JK: Annnnd, I live. I'll give you a heads-up when a chapter has spanking in it. Don't worry. This is a writer's block story, and it's dangerous when dah kitten gets dah writer's block. Oy, yah, the warning will look like this:

Current Chapter Contains: References.

JK: Well, that IS actually the warning for this chappie. References only. Takes place when Kisame and Itachi get back to the hideout after the incident in the hotel.

To Shadow-san: Read the summery next time, babe! Says, don't like, don't touch, thx and have a nice day. BTW, nice to hear from you again. You can beat me up later. I'm not taking it down due to raging hormones! Sorry!

To LuckyOtakuChibi: Wow! You reviewed one of my stories! I feel so honored! I've checked out a few of yours already, and love them! (Sends truckloads of whatever Lucky wants 'cause JK is so honored by that review.)

EDIT! FLAME ALERT! 12/13/07: An anonymous reviewer named whitedevil reviewed and said that I disgrace the writing world. I'd like to once again point out the summery and the first chapter. The first chapter said that I'd freaking laugh if I got a flame that told me that Itachi was OOC, which it did, so LMAO, you retard! And second of all, that hurt. I'd like to point out that I am (JK hates bragging) a very talented writer and a popular one on this site at that. Well, if you consider being on the fav author list of 82 people and the alert of 46 popular. I must say, I'm very upset with you. And I laugh at you for being blind. If you're going to flame, don't leave the review, babe!! BTW, I deleted it. whitedevil, you can go steal Kisame's diary or jump off a bridge. Whichever you prefer. Thx and have a nice day!

Itachi: Must...Kill...JK!!!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

"Wow, un! He sure got you good, un!" Deidara exclaimed, placing a cold, damp towel on Itachi's burning rear. Itachi was laying face-down on his bed with his pants and boxers around his ankles, and he hissed softly when the towel made contact to his bottom. "What did you do, un? Kisame's not the kind of person who would just randomly decide to...pfft..."

"Laugh, Deidara." Itachi sighed, muffled by the pillow.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! UN!!"

After Itachi and Kisame had fled from the hotel, Kisame had found a secluded area and finished what he had started in their room, telling Itachi that 'he wasn't going to get off that easily'. Needless to say, the Akatsuki was wondering why Kisame came back and immediately went in the training grounds in the backyard and why Itachi was crying.

"...Are you finished yet?"

"...hahaha...yeah, un."

"Then can I have a tissue?"

"Eh? Oh, here, un." Deidara handed Itachi a tissue and waited for him to finish wiping his still-tearing eyes. "But, seriously. Kisame, un? He wouldn't." Itachi sighed through his nose before glancing at Deidara in annoyance. "Would he, un?"

"Deidara, Kisame came home po'd and I was crying. Not to mention you saw the result. He did."

"Sorry, un."

"Don't apologize. I did that enough."

"Enough, un?"

"Erm...!"

"Never mind."

"Yeah." Itachi sighed, involuntarily rubbing his hip.

"Now what?" Deidara asked, taking advantage of the moment to flick Itachi's black bangs.

"I don't know. Kisame threatened me to get my act together or else." Itachi replied, tugging on Deidara's blonde ponytail for revenge.

"Ow! Quit it, un!" Deidara quickly rescued his hair from Itachi's grasp and started fixing it. "Or else, un?"

"What do you think, artsie-boy." the weasel sighed, gesturing to his rear.

"Oh, un. Well, get your act together, then, I.M. Weasel." the artist commented, looking at the clock. "Well, I'd best be getting back to my room. Master Sasori will wonder where I am, un."

"Don't tell him, Deidara. I trust you."

"No problem, un." Deidara gave the Boy Scouts salute on his way out and closed the door behind him.

(Deidara's a Boy Scout?) Itachi wondered, pulling his boxers and pants back up and walking into the bathroom to get rid of the towel.

-Meanwhile, In The Backyard-

Kisame had totally mutilated the test dummy in anger. He panted for a few minutes, gathering his breath, then rested the Samehada on his shoulder.

(Maybe I was too hard on Itachi-san. He did apologize to me...several times...Hmm...I should go talk to him.) Kisame thought, sighing. He walked up the stairs and passed Deidara in the hall, who shot him a nasty look. (Wonder what that was about...) he thought, knocking on the door.

"What?" Itachi's voice sounded muffled.

"Itachi-san? It's Kisame. I'm coming in, okay?"

"Whatever." Kisame opened the door and saw Itachi standing in the bathroom doorway, irratated. "What do you want, Kisame?"

"I live here. Look, I want to talk to you." Kisame put the Samehada in the closet and walked over to Itachi, who retreated a few steps. "Itachi-san..."

"No. I won't talk to you." Itachi answered, slipping past Kisame and laying on his bed.

"You're acting childish."

"Mpph."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Itachi-san, look. You really needed it." Kisame sighed, sitting on Itachi's bed and resting his hand on his shoulder. Itachi squirmed from his grasp.

"Leave me alone." Itachi said, muffled by the pillow. Kisame sighed, then lightly began to rub Itachi's back in large, slow circles.

"If you want to talk, I'm right here, you know."

"Go away." Kisame felt saddened. This is why he didn't want to do anything in the first place. Now Itachi was upset and had cried.

"Itachi-san..." Kisame leaned in, gingerly lifted his partner off the bed, and sat him on his lap. "It's okay..." Itachi tried squirming, but couldn't escape. Frustrated, Itachi began to cry softly into Kisame's neck. Kisame did nothing to stop him. "Shhh...It's okay, Itachi-san...All is forgiven..."

-----

AN:

JK: I'm actually going to try for Hurt/Comfort, but I'll see how that goes. JK signing off to go fall on her bed and get some sleep for once!! (Thud) Zzzzzz...


	3. Chore Day, Leaves, and Deidara

AN:

JK: Well, back to writing! I feel the 'burning' urge to complete this story. But, it may take a while. I think that Deidara and Itachi should be friends (the kind that talk you into doing stupid things and beat you down with blunt objects, but are still there for you), so that's frequently in this story. More OOCness.

Current Chapter Contains: References and mild spanking scenes.

To Jordan-san: I've considered, and in this chapter, you get your wish!

To cip-san: Hey, thanks! That makes me feel good. And, yah. They SHOULD get a 'Spring of Youth' (tm) speech from Gai!

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

-Next Morning-

"You're kidding."

"No."

"Shit, un." Deidara commented, watching Itachi rake the leaves in the backyard.

"You think?" Itachi said back. Kisame had left a note (as approved by Leader-sama) of chores that Itachi had to do that day. A freaking mile long.

"You promised to help me train today! I'm not Sasuke, so you can't just jab me in the forehead in hopes I'll leave you alone. Un."

"That's technically what I'm doing." Itachi gestured to the leaf pile behind him. "And would it kill you to help? I'll be done this list by next week at this rate."

"Well-"

"Here." Itachi shoved a rake in Deidara's face. Reluctantly, he took it and walked to the left side of the base.

"Not fair, un. These are your chores..." he grumbled.

"And these are snapshots of you at the Christmas party, Mardi Gras, and New Year's."

"Where did you get those?!"

"I took them." Itachi grinned evilly.

"I see why Kisame spanked you, un."

_WHAM!!_

"OW!!" Deidara howled, rubbing the back of his head where Itachi just nailed him with his rake. "Why you...!" Deidara raced for Itachi's leaf pile.

"You wouldn't-!"

"Wahoo!!" Laughing, Deidara cannonballed into Itachi's leaf pile, flinging leaves everywhere.

"Why you-!" Itachi jumped on Deidara and wrestled him to the ground. "That took me a half-hour to rake!"

"Do it again!" Deidara grinned, spitting a leaf out of his mouth.

"No way! You made the mess, you clean it up!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No!" And it continued until Itachi re-tackled Deidara. After a few minutes of wrestling, Itachi had managed to pin Deidara to the ground again and was suffocating him.

"HEY!! Break it up, you two!" A strong hand grabbed Itachi's collar and yanked him off Deidara. Deidara glanced up and saw Itachi struggling in Kisame's arms.

"Kisame...thanks, un." the artist panted.

"What the hell happened?!" the shark-nin demanded.

"He started it!" both Itachi and Deidara said at once, pointing at each other.

"I don't care who started it! What happened?!"

"Put me down first!" Itachi demanded. Kisame set him on his feet, then swatted his ass. "Eep-!" Itachi's face blushed bright red, and Deidara burst out laughing, but Kisame's glare silenced him.

"Ahem...un." Deidara grinned sheepishly. Kisame shook his head, then gripped Itachi's shoulder.

"What happened?" he asked. Slowly, awkwardly, the story spilled out.

"That's..."

"...what happened...un."

"So, let me get this straight..." Kisame was now seated on the bench in the training area, Itachi and Deidara in front of him. "Two S-ranked criminals almost killed each other over a freaking leaf pile."

"Now, when you put it THAT way...it almost sounds..." the blonde started.

"...childish." the black-haired teen finished.

"Just what I was thinking myself..." Kisame said, looking at both of them, who in turn, gulped.

-Ten Minutes Later-

"Gah! Freaking sharks-!" Itachi complained, walking down the hallway and rubbing his bottom. "Three times within two days-!!"

"WAAAAAH!! M-Master Sasori!! S-Stop!! U-Un!"

"Deidara...?" Itachi momentarilly forgot his burning rear and followed the wails. Sure enough, they were coming from Deidara and Sasori's room. He found the door to be partially open, so he peeked in. He nearly fell on the floor at the sight.

Sasori had Deidara pinned across his lap, Chakra strings attatched to his left hand (he had Deidara pinned with his one) with two of his puppets holding the blonde securely in place. One in front to hold his arms, one in back to hold his legs. Itachi could swear he saw an anger vein pulsating in Sasori's forehead, though his expression was unreadable. He was silently swatting Deidara's upturned rear while the blonde wailed and carried on. A small blush crept on Itachi's cheeks and he winced simpathetcally for his friend.

"...why were you late, Deidara...? You know I don't like to be kept waiting." the puppet-master said quietly.

"Ow, ow, ow!! I w-was w-with Itachi-san, un!"

"...I said ten o'clock Deidara. I know you can read the clock from your position, so give me the time."

"Ahhh! O-One o-o'clock, unnn!!"

"...and that is...?"

"Waah!! Th-Three hours!!"

"I do not like being kept waiting, Deidara. Especially long periods of time. Do not let it happen again."

"I p-promise! I promise!! Unn!!" Deidara howled. Sasori cut his Chakra strings and lifted Deidara into a sitting position, cuddling the sobbing artist and stroking his back. Itachi backed away from the door.

"I better get out of here-Oof!" As he turned, Itachi smacked into something. Something over six feet tall, blue, and pissed off for the second time today.

"What were you just doing, Itachi?" Kisame asked, crossing his arms across his chest.

"Leaving." Itachi sprinted down the hallway. No way in hell would he get spanked twice today. He bolted into his and Kisame's shared room and slammed the door, locking it from the inside.

"Itachi, you know that you just made a complete circle when you just could have ran the other way."

"Shit!!" Itachi cursed. Kisame had just walked to their room and waited for him to come in. Kisame was sitting on his bed and drumming his fingers on his thigh, obviously irratated. Itachi paled, then sighed. No use fighting it.

-----

AN:

JK: Next chapter will be Deidara and Itachi planning revenge. Jordan, I hope you're happy. JK out to finally check her voicemail. clicks open phone

JM: PICK UP YOUR DAMN PHONE!!

JK: O.o; Whoops.


	4. I Hate You

AN:

JK: Sorry about the delay, but I'm back. Thank you for all the reviews!! BTW, I'm aware of Deidara saying 'hmm', but I'm still going to type it as 'un' because it's easier to type.

Current Chapter Contains: References. A couple swats, nothin' else.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

-Much Later-

"This is so unfair, un!!" Deidara complained, blowing his bangs out of his eyes.

"Tell me about it..." Itachi muttered, face-down in a pillow.

"Man, not only did we both get it this morning, but now we're GROUNDED?! We are NOT five, un!!"

"Mmmph..."

"Would it kill you to complain?!"

"Yeah."

"Why?!"

"Lest you forget our current state of humiliation." Itachi said, sitting up and wincing. "We're supposed to be quiet."

"At least you could lay down!"

"I'm not supposed to!"

"Yeah, well-"

"ITACHI!! DEIDARA!!" Kisame called from the next room. "Quiet!! You're in time-out, remember?!"

"Yeah..." both replied, facing the corner again. (They were sitting, mind you, on hardwood)

"Hmph..." Deidara sighed. "Why are you listening to him?"

"He's still mad, and I'm still sore. If I'm going to do anything, it's sit down, shut the hell up, and listen."

"And you can't do the first..."

"Don't remind me." Itachi sighed.

"We need to get them back, Itachi, un!"

"What do you mean 'we'?"

"Well-"

"Didn't Kisame just tell you two to be quiet?" Sasori called.

"Don't make me come in there!" Kisame warned.

"Shhh!!" both Itachi and Deidara hissed to each other.

-Much Later, Again-

"I'm sorry, we're going to do what?!" Itachi asked, dumbfounded.

"You heard me! If they're going to treat us like kids, then we're going to act like kids!" Deidara explained.

"By doing what?"

"We're going to pull pranks!"

"Doesn't Tobi do that?"

"No. Tobi's just a moron."

"Oh."

"So, here's the plan..." Deidara leaned in and started whispering in Itachi's ear.

-Later, Yet Again-

"Itachi! Meeting!" Kisame said, shaking his sleeping partner's shoulder.

"Mmphh..." Itachi muttered, snuggling his pillow.

"Itachi-san..." Kisame tried again. No response. "Itachi-kun..."

"Mmmm!!"

"I know you don't like being addressed as '-kun', Itachi-san. Now get up."

"Mmph."

"Itachi!" Kisame violently shook his partner's shoulder. Itachi groaned, then pulled his pillow over his head. "Itachi-chan!!"

"Grrr..." POW! One of Itachi's pillows hit Kisame right in the face.

"That does it!" Kisame walked to the back of the bed and flipped the covers away, then proceeded to pull Itachi out of his bed by his ankles. Itachi grabbed his bedpost in order to stay in (_Freaky Friday _style, people!). "Oof!" Kisame fell over.

"Mmph..." Itachi murmured, sliding back up and nuzzling his pillow.

"Ugh..." Kisame rubbed the back of his head, stood up, and then growled. "Up!!" he demanded.

"Mmmmm..." Itachi muttered back.

"I've had it with you!" Kisame growled, swatting Itachi's rear through the sheets.

"MMMM!!!"

"Up. Now." the shark-nin pointed to the ground. When he got no reply, he swatted Itachi again.

"Itai!! I'm up! I'm up!!" Itachi scrambled to his feet.

"Good boy." Kisame smiled, ruffling Itachi's hair.

-Meeting-

"Welcome all." The Leader smiled at his Akatsuki. "Sit." They all did, except Itachi and Deidara, who winked at each other.

CRASH!! (x7)

Everyone's (except Itachi's and Deidara's) chairs broke instantly, causing them to all fall flat on their asses. A grin cracked on Deidara's face, and Itachi covered his mouth to stop anyone from seeing the small smile spreading on his face.

"Oof...!" Leader muttered, standing back up.

"What the hell was that?!" Hidan demanded.

"Somebody owes me twenty bucks..." Kakuzu groaned.

"Oww...**What WAS that?!**" Zetzu yelled.

"Pfft..." Deidara covered his mouth, too. Useless, he started giggling.

"...and just what is so funny, Deidara...?" Sasori asked, allowing Kisame to help him up.

"Nothing." Itachi said quickly.

"Fine, we'll just do this in the living room." Leader ushered everyone into the living room. He and Konan sat on the loveseat, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Zetzu on the couch, Sasori knelt on the floor, Deidara stood above him, Kisame sat cross-legged on the floor opposite of the coffee table (across from the couch and in front of the loveseat, facing the Leader), and Itachi sat in his lap (Kisame 'insisted' or, if you're slow, threatened).

"Continue." Konan said.

"Yes, well, that was unexpected. It would seem that something isn't right here." Leader began. "Why would all of our chairs decide to break simultaneously?"

"I smell something fishy." Kakuzu muttered.

"That would be my partner." Itachi replied automatically.

"Itachi-san!" Kisame scolded.

"Yes. Well. As I was saying, Kakuzu, you may be on to something. Two of our members were standing." Leader's gaze shifted from Itachi to Deidara. "Itachi. Deidara. Are you two responsible?"

"No, Leader-sama." Itachi said. "Of course not."

"Nah, un." Deidara said.

"Then why were you two standing?"

"Erk-!" Itachi's face turned beet red.

"Uhm-!" Deidara's face heated up as well.

"Go on, Itachi-san..." Kisame grinned. "Now's your chance..."

-Flashback to the forest, see ch. 2 if you're confused-

"Itai! Kisame!! Knock it off!! L-Leader won't let you get away with this!!"

"Oh, really? He won't? Just tell him when we get home, okay?"

"I-Itai!! Kisame, seriously! Y-you can't DO this!!"

"I beg to differ, Itachi-san."

"Aaaaah!!"

-End Flashback-

"Go on, Itachi-san...or do I have to tell him?"

"Mmmm..." Itachi broke eye contact and looked at the ground, face now redder then the Sharingan.

"Tell me what?" Leader demanded. Kisame grinned.

-One Explanation Later-

The whole Akatsuki, with the exception of Deidara, Sasori, Kisame, and Itachi, was laughing. Itachi's face had hit redder than his Sharingan and the Akatsuki clouds combined, and he couldn't leave the room because Kisame had his arm around his waist.

"Alright...!" Leader-sama finally stopped laughing. "Alright. Well, umm...I really can't think of what to say except maybe...well...you had it coming, Itachi."

"Told you." Kisame nudged Itachi lightly. Then he smelled salt water. "Itachi-san?" Itachi turned to face him, tears of humiliation slipping down his face. He leaned back as if to hug the shark-nin, then whispered in his ear,

"I hate you."

-----

AN:

JK: Well, cip-san, someone knows. Don't worry, things will get better. I'm really not trying to make Kisame the 'bad guy' or 'mean'. For the record, he really didn't know he'd hurt Itachi's feelings by telling. I'm actually trying to make Kisame as 'parental' as possible without making him TOO harsh, though I do plan to include a severe spanking scene later on. It's in the future. Not near, not far, but in the future. Don't ask me when, though. I really don't know. I don't even know how severe, but implement(s) will be involved. (for Jordan-san, though I'd already planned one implement scene.) JK out to fall on her bed and rest (I am currently sick, folks. I will most likely update by either tomorrow or Sunday, but we'll see how that goes.)


	5. I Love You

AN:

JK: Well, it's 12:03 a.m. and I'm still not asleep, so here goes nothing.

Current Chapter Contains: Spanking scene.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

_"I hate you."_

Itachi's words from earlier still rung in Kisame's head. No one else heard him but Kisame.

_"I hate you."_

Sighing, Kisame relaxed back on his bed.

(He can hate me all he wants. He's stuck with me.) he thought, rubbing his forehead in aggravation. (Ugh...I've got a headache.) Kisame rolled onto his side, deciding to take a nap for once and not have Itachi barge in on him.

-One Hour Later-

Kisame was awoken by a knock on his door. When he went to investigate, a bucket of red paint fell from its strategic hiding place above the door and landed on his head. Kisame was not a happy shark.

-Half-Hour Later-

Kisame emerged from the bathroom blue again and wet. He dried off and proceeded to get dressed when he heard another knock on the door. Pulling his pants up, he kicked the door open in case of paint, then seeing that there was none, he took a step out and slipped on some marbles.

"Dammit! I keep telling Itachi to pick up his toys...!"

After putting them away, Kisame finished getting dressed. He glanced at the clock, then took the Samehada out of the closet to go practice with the dummy out back. And no, I don't mean Tobi. After ten or fifteen minutes, he was conscious of someone watching him. He turned to see Itachi, blank-faced, but tear-stained.

"Itachi-san! Are you okay? Have you been crying? Where were you all afternoon?"

"Fine, yes, none of your business."

"What do you mean 'it's none of my business'? If you wander off, I at least want to know where you are!"

"..." Itachi shuffled past Kisame, silent as ever.

"Itachi-san! Come back here! NOW!! Itachi-san!!"

Over the next few days, there was mounting tension between Itachi and Kisame. It was obvious. They rarely spoke to each other, Itachi barely could stand being in the same room as Kisame, and Kakuzu began screaming about the rising cost of practice dummies and how it was expensive to replace them. After a week of the cold shoulder, Kisame finally cornered Itachi in their bedroom.

"What's wrong with you, Itachi-san?" Kisame asked, moving with the young Sharingan user so he couldn't find an escape route.

"..."

"Itachi-san...!"

"..."

"Please answer, me Itachi-san." Kisame sounded worried.

"...I hate you..."

"Hate me all you want, but you're stuck with me."

"I hate you." Itachi's voice was louder.

"Itachi-san, please calm down." Kisame's heart skipped a beat, now remembering the other reason he didn't want to do anything. Mangekyo Sharingan. Itachi closed his eyes as if to activate it. Kisame's body moved on its own and he pulled Itachi over his lap.

"Ack-!!" Itachi quickly reverted his eyes to normal when he felt his stomach hit Kisame's thighs. Kisame himself was startled. He had just intended to duck out of the way, but when his body fell on the bed it had other ideas.

(Oh, well. As long as I have him trapped, I might as well.) Kisame sighed, moving Itachi's Akatsuki cloak out of his way. He then tugged Itachi's pants down to his knees, leaving him in his boxers. Itachi felt a small blush creep up his face and he dug his nails into Kisame's thigh, remembering how badly it had hurt over his pants.

"Kisame...d-don't...th-this is humiliating..." Itachi found himself stuttering.

"Sorry, Itachi-kun." Kisame sighed, slamming his right hand down hard on Itachi's bottom.

"Itai!!" Itachi yelped, jerking slightly. Kisame pressed down harder on Itachi's lower back to secure him in place and slammed his hand down on his bottom again. "Aaah!! Kisame!!"

"Yes?" Kisame asked, continuing a rapid assault of blows to the seat of Itachi's cotton boxers.

"A-Ah! Wh-Why...are you doing th-this?!"

"Why am I doing what?"

"Why?!" Itachi yelled, squirming pitifully. Kisame sighed.

"Why am I doing what?" he repeated.

"Wh-Why are y-y-you spanking me?! I-I did nothing wrong!"

"Nothing wrong? Itachi, you were going to activate Mangekyo Sharingan on me!"

"W-Well...!"

"Well what?"

"T-They're my eyes!" Itachi argued childishly.

"I don't care!" Kisame growled. "You are not to use Mangekyo on me!" he punctuated each syllable with a hard smack. Itachi yelped in turn.

"Let go!" Itachi growled back, feeling tears prick the back of his eyes. He closed them tightly. (Not again! I will not give him the satisfaction of hearing me cry!)

"I will let go when I think you've learned." Kisame said calmly. "And not a minute sooner."

"Uhnnnn..." Itachi whimpered, biting his lower lip to stop any sobs from escaping him. It was getting harder to stop his tears, though. Kisame had caught on to his tactic and had increased the intensity of the blows. Itachi bit his lip harder, then whimpered softly.

"What? I can't hear you, Itachi-kun." Kisame was trying to listen to Itachi through his gasps.

"Don't...please...no...stop...!" Itachi gasped, realizing that he was going to cry if he wasn't let up soon.

"Itachi-kun? Breathe." the shark-nin encouraged, pausing for a moment. Itachi was grateful for the reprieve and sniffled a little.

"Let...go..." Itachi begged. "I'll...I'll cry...!" It was a pathetic and useless argue, but by now Itachi was willing to do anything to save his backside.

"Sorry, Itachi." Kisame sighed, bending Itachi further over his lap and picking up where he'd left off. Itachi wasn't prepared and let out a startled cry of pain. Kisame could smell the salt water forming at the corners of Itachi's eyes, and pressed down firmer. (Please, Itachi-kun! Hurry and cry so I can let you go sooner!)

"Uhnn...uhnn...!" Itachi tried his hardest to repress his tears, but his bottom felt like someone was using the fireball technique on it. Unable to control himself, Itachi finally burst into tears. He fell limp over Kisame's lap and made no other protests. He understood he was beaten. Kisame smacked him a few more times to make sure he understood, then withdrew his hand.

(That was tiring...) Kisame thought with a sigh, letting Itachi cry over his lap. (At least it's over...) the shark-nin allowed Itachi five more minutes to cry over his lap and then stood him up.

"K-Kisame...?" he sniffled.

"Yeah?" Kisame replied, lightly pulling Itachi's pants back up.

"Why...?" Itachi sobbed. "Why do you...?" Kisame reached forward and took Itachi's wrists in his hands, drawing him onto his lap.

"What?" he asked, stroking his partner's back comfortingly.

"Why do you...(hic)...insist on doing this...to me...?" Itachi sobbed into Kisame's shoulder. Kisame kissed his cheek.

"I love you."

-----

AN:

JK: Sheesh. Companion to 'I Hate You', he next chappie is 'I Love You'. By the way, though KisaIta is one of my fav pairings, when Kisame told Itachi "I love you", it was not yaoi. More in the parental way. Time is now 2:12 a.m. and JK is done for the day (maybe)


	6. What Is Love?

AN:

JK: ...Well, then. Good morning. I have finally checked my reviews and would like to say, I'm pleased that you people are enjoying this. Someone even drew a fanart of Kisame and Itachi in the first chapter!! (It was hilarious, but I don't know where it is because a friend showed me it) I'd also like to say I'm very grateful for all your suggestions.

To Fuhrer Sakura Taisen - Thank you for your concern! It's just a worry headache! (I ordered an Itachi plushie and a ring like, three weeks ago and it's still not here...!!)

To Jordan-san - I'm sorry to keep you waiting. I practically live on my computer, so I know how that feels...

To axon-san - I know what you mean, don't feel bad. And yes, I'm trying to make Kisame 'fatherly', so you pretty much have it.

To TEAL-BLU shamrock - I'd feel better if FedEx would move their lazy asses and deliver my plushie and ring!! But, I'm glad you like it and I am feeling better because after logging off earlier, I put an icepack on my head. To tell the truth, I'm most flattered that both you and Fuhrer Sakura Taisen are concerned. I feel so loved!!

To cip-san - You're right!! It's nice to see a reviewer who knows what's going on! He really doesn't understand, and he'll express his confusion in this chappie.

To t.A.T.u Crazi - First, I LOVE t.A.T.u!! That's such a cool penname! Second, sweetie, Deidara DOES get spanked. In chapter three. Did you not read that? Oh, well. You can just read it now. I'm happy you're enjoying this story.

Current Chapter Contains: References.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

_"Why do you...(hic)...insist on doing this...to me...?" _

_"I love you."_

It made no sense to him, really. If Kisame loved him, why did he hurt him? Itachi relaxed into his bed, hiccuping softly from crying.

(Why? I-It just...) he thought. Itachi sighed, nuzzling his pillow. He was confused as anything. And sore as anything. He reached back to rub his bottom, and was not surprised to feel heat radiating through his pants. "Ow, ow, ow, ow..." he muttered angrily. There was no way he would be sitting anytime soon, so he may as well get used to laying on his stomach. He sighed again, then stood up. (I'm going to talk to Deidara...)

-Deidara's Room-

"I'm so sorry, un!" Deidara said, hugging Itachi. "That was so embarrassing! After you left, I told them me too. Y'know, un. So you wouldn't be alone, un."

"It's...bizarre, though..." Itachi mused.

"I know! Why would Kisame tell them, and look like he was enjoying it, un!"

"He looked like he was enjoying it?!" Itachi gasped, crestfallen.

"Oh." Deidara realized that Itachi was talking about something else. "Well-"

"Never mind, Deidara." the black-haired shinobi said sadly. "I meant something else."

"What?"

"I meant...well, I asked Kisame why he insisted on spanking me."

"What did he say?"

"He said because he loved me."

"That makes no sense, un." Deidara agreed.

"I know. If he does love me, then why does he hurt me?"

"I dunno."

"Man, I don't even know what love is anymore. I just don't want him to hurt me anymore."

"Isn't there a song like that, un?" Deidara wondered.

"_What is Love_?" Itachi asked.

"How's that go?"

"_What is love?_

_Oh, baby, don't hurt me,_

_Don't hurt me,_

_No more..._" Itachi sang.

"Yeah! That one!" the blonde chirped. "You have a nice voice, un."

"Nah."

"Yes, you do. Now, I really don't understand where Kisame gets his logic if he puts hurting you and love together, un."

"Maybe this is that 'tough love' thing that the Child Psychology book I found on the shelf was talking about."

"When did-"

"I don't know."

"What can you do, un?" Deidara asked. Itachi pondered this for a moment.

"I'm going to test him."

"What?!"

"I'm going to test Kisame." Itachi got up from the floor and walked out.

"I don't like where this is going..." Deidara muttered fearfully.

-----

AN:

JK: Itachi's trying to see if Kisame truly DOES love him, so he's going to...well, I'll have to update again for you to find out!! Song was _What is Love_ by Haddaway. Have a nice day, please.


	7. The Test

AN:

JK: My fingers are itching to move, and I'm ready, folks!! This is the test.

To Fuhrer Sakura Taisen - Thxs! I hope it does too. (JK is sitting in her driveway with a laptop just in case .)

To Chipmunk-Chihuahua Hybrid - Ouch! I feel for you, buddy. (winces)

To t.A.T.u Crazi - Hey, it's original! I'm really not planning to show Deidara get spanked again, though he will be.

To Ying-Yang Dragon of the Sand - I agree. I left a review for your story, though I really don't get it. Please don't ask me to review for anything, though. I tend to do that on my own.

To cyberspyderweb - Aww...(blushes) I'm not so great...yeah, I feel for Ita-chan's rear, too.

To the lovely cip-san - It was a ring (an Itachi Akatsuki one, to be exact), not keyring, sweetie. But thank you ;) And your nasty feeling is right if Kisame has anything to say about it!!

To NamimiNakashima - Glad you love it!

To TEAL-BLU shamrock - That WOULD be a good idea IF I hadn't already ordered an Akatsuki jacket off it already and it took an eternity to come (that thing actually came). The website also says nothing about its shipping.

Current Chapter Contains: ...Words. No spanking or References. Well, maybe a reference. I dunno.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

Itachi didn't show up for breakfast the next morning.

Kisame had said that when he woke up (at 5 a.m.) Itachi wasn't in his bed, so the Akatsuki figured he had gone for a walk. Kisame doubted it, though. Breakfast was at 8 a.m. Unless Itachi got lost. He almost laughed at that idea.

"Don't worry, Kisame," Leader assured him. "Itachi will be back soon."

When the afternoon came around, and there was still no sign of the Sharingan user, Kisame began to worry. He even got to the point of pacing in the living room.

(Don't worry, Kisame...) he thought. (This is Itachi-kun. He'll be fine. He's probably training...)

By dinnertime, Itachi still wasn't home. Kisame had an awful sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Leader-sama, I'm worried about Itachi-kun!" he sighed, drumming his fingers on the coffee table nervously. "I hope he's alright...! What if something happened to him? What if ANBU captured him? What if...oh my God..." Kisame trailed off. Leader raised an eyebrow.

"Kisame, please. Stop. You'll only worry yourself further." Leader ushered Kisame toward the stairs. "You should get some rest. Itachi will be home by morning. I'm sure of it."

Unfortunately, even the great Leader-sama must be wrong sometimes as by morning there was still no sign of Itachi. By now, Kisame was nearly sick with worry.

"I don't care, I'm going out to find him!" Kisame announced in the afternoon. The rest didn't stop him. They were getting worried, too.

-Meanwhile-

"You're serious?" Itachi asked. His test was simple. Leave early in the morning to 'take a walk' then hide for a while. Deidara would fill him in on what was happening. "He's really looking for me?"

"Yeah, un. He's worried sick." Deidara answered.

"I have a bad feeling of how worried he is." Itachi muttered, clutching his stomach.

"I told you, sick, un."

"I've got a feeling this won't end to pleasently for my rear end."

-Back With Kisame-

Our poor sharky friend was running all over the place trying to find Itachi.

"Itachi-kun!! Itachi-kun!!" he called. He kept looking until about 7 p.m., then retreated home.

"Couldn't find him?" Konan asked.

"No..." Kisame sighed. He joined the Akatsuki in the living room to relax, but just couldn't. Then, at 8 o'clock, the front door opened. Everyone turned to see Itachi in the doorway.

"I'm home." he said nonchalantly, feeling butterflies in his stomach.

"Itachi-kun!!" Kisame quickly hugged him, suffocating the poor thing in the process.

"K-Kisame...!" Itachi gasped, unable to breathe. The Akatsuki felt an urge to leave.

"We'll leave you two here so you can 'talk'." Leader said as they left the fortress. No one wanted to be in Kisame's way when he was angry or upset. When they were alone, Kisame released Itachi.

"Go to your room, Itachi-kun. I'll be up in a minute." he said quietly.

-----

AN:

JK: Next chappie I'm planning to make Itachi's punishment severe, kinda. It may be up later today, or maybe tomorrow. I dunno. JK out.


	8. Test's Results

AN:

JK: Ehm...I would have had this up yesterday if I wasn't so worried about being too harsh. And if I could stop listening to _Lollipop (Candyman)_ by Aqua...!

To Fuhrer Sakura Taisen - Well, glad I still have you and glad you still love it.

To the lovely cip-san - Sweetie (may I call you 'sweetie'?), your review made me laugh! (bangs head against sketchbook to rid head of images of Kisame is a starched tux caning Itachi in a sailor suit, which is hysterical, btw, and very tempting to draw ((stop mee!!!))) You're close, btw. There will be an implement involved. How many boxes of tissues do you have, anyway? Those will really come in handy!! Oh, and about getting it wrong, don't worry. It's cool. Simple mistake.

To t.A.T.u Crazi - Hey! No fair! You caught on! (pouts) Just kidding! I put Deidara helping Itachi in there for you...(winks) And yeah, I think Ita-chan will be 'sleeping with a burning butt tonight.'

To The Kyuubi maiden - Mmm, hmm, hmm...! (that's chuckling, btw). It's nice to finally hear from you if you've been keeping an eye on me ;) Glad you like it, Ms.Kyuubi (assuming you're female from the penname) _Dirty Little Secret_ is by The All-American Rejects. (Read your profile :-) )

To TEAL-BLU shamrock - Myez, I'm aware of this. Each time I submit a chapter, a new idea just pops into my head. And yeah, Itachi will get a good idea on how Kisame feels in this chappie. (sighes) I guess I have to be patient. Actually, that's another reason why I was updating non-stop yesterday! Damn you, FedEx.

To Artistic Eloquence - Don't worry. Though he IS going to be severe, he DOES love Itachi, and you'll see how he truly feels about what he must do.

To Jordan-san - I don't think I've heard from you for a couple chapters. Maybe because yesterday I went on an update spree. (ponders) Oh, well. If my reviewers are happy, then I'm happy. And I love you, too, btw. I love all my constant reviewers like pretty much everyone above you. . Now please don't die. TT.TT

To Anonymous - Yes, kudos to Kisame.

To NamimiNakashima - Oh, yes he is...

Current Chapter Contains: Spanking of a teen. May be severe.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

Itachi sat nervously on his bed, chewing on his lower lip. He'd known from the start that his plan was risky, but he just wanted to know how much Kisame cared for him. Just telling by the hug, a freaking lot. Now he was nervous as anything. Kisame has already shown himself to have a strong arm, and remembering his recent spanking and how badly that hurt, Itachi concluded that he was going to have some difficulty sitting for the next week or so.

"Itachi-kun." Itachi's heart skipped a beat and he looked up in the doorway fearfully. Kisame crossed to him quickly and lifted him up, sitting where he just was and holding him in his lap. Itachi felt his heartbeat accelerate. Kisame was just too calm.

"Kisame..."

"Don't say anything." There was no kindness in Kisame's voice. Itachi gulped. "...I'm very disappointed in you, Itachi-kun. I was afraid something had happened to you." There was a small pause, and Itachi felt his insides twist when Kisame started speaking again. "...I'm going to make sure that never happens again, do you understand me?"

"Yeah..." Itachi whispered back.

"Good. Now stand up." Trembling, the black-haired shinobi obeyed. Kisame took him by the wrists and pulled him face-down over his lap, adjusting his position so it wasn't so awkward for either of them. Itachi grit his teeth feeling Kisame move his cloak out of the way and pull his pants down. He did not expect Kisame to pull his boxers down, too.

"Wait!!" Itachi protested, reaching back in an attempt to pull his boxers back up. Kisame caught his arm and pinned it painfully to the small of his back. "Kisame...!"

"Quiet, Itachi-kun." Kisame heard himself say. Though he didn't want to, he knew he had to. Itachi knew he was doomed, but he could at least try to get Kisame to ease up on him, right? Wrong. Itachi sucked in a breath and waited to the first swat to fall. Instead, he heard a sharp clicking noise.

"What the...?" Confused, Itachi turned his head the best he could. "Kisame, no!!" he screamed, seeing what Kisame was planning to use. "Please!! I-I understand I was wrong!! I-I understand!! J-Just don't use your belt!!" Itachi hated how pathetic he sounded, but Kisame's hand was bad enough. He knew he wouldn't be able to handle his belt. It hurt Kisame to hear Itachi sound so frightened, but he didn't want him running off again.

(I'd better get this over with, for both our sakes.) Kisame thought, doubling his belt. "Itachi-kun, I was so worried about you-!" he yelled, snapping it across Itachi's bare bottom.

"AAAAAAAAAH!!" Itachi screamed. (Holy shit!!) Though it was only the first blow, tears already pricked the back of his eyes and he sniffled.

"We all were!!" Kisame continued, bringing his belt down again. Another scream tore loose from Itachi's throat, and Kisame picked up the scent of salt water.

(Dammit!! Okay, so my idea was stupid!! I had no idea he'd respond like th-) "AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!" Itachi's thoughts were interrupted when the next blow landed on his undercurves. Tears slipped down his face as he gasped for breath. "Ki-Kisame...!"

"What?" Kisame softened his voice a little.

"...I-I'm s-s-sorry...!" Itachi sobbed. "I-I'm sorry!"

"Hmm..." was all Kisame said back, bringing another blow down. When Itachi screamed again, Kisame felt his heart clench and a few tears of his own fall.

"Ki-Kisame...!!" Itachi sputtered. "K-Kisame!!"

"I swear, Itachi...!" Kisame began, bringing his belt down every couple words. "If you ever worry me like that again...!" Itachi gripped Kisame's hand tightly with the one pinned behind his back. "I'll turn you over my knees and give you a spanking that makes this one feel like a gentle warm-up!" Itachi shattered fully, crying hysterically. He hadn't meant to worry Kisame this much! Kisame put his belt down. "Do I make myself clear?" he demanded, praying Itachi understood.

"Y...Y-Ye..." Itachi sobbed. "Y..."

"You could simply nod, Itachi-kun." the shark-nin said gently. Itachi slowly nodded. "Alright." He released Itachi's hand, wondering when it had become entwined with his. Maybe he had released Itachi's wrist to hold his hand at his first scream, or maybe Itachi had slipped his wrist free by a little bit. Whichever it was, Kisame was grateful they at least had that small bit of comfort. His gaze wandered Itachi's limp form, studying him. His head was bent, his shoulders were shaking, and his bottom was a deep red color.

"I-I-I-I..." he sobbed, trying to apologize.

"Shhhh..." Kisame murmured, pulling Itachi's boxers and pants back up slowly. "Shhhh...it's alright..." His hand began rubbing Itachi's back in large, slow circles. "It's over...It's all over..." After a few minutes of silence, Kisame lifted Itachi to a sitting position on his lap and Itachi instantly snaked his arms around Kisame. The shark-nin rocked his sobbing partner gently, murmuring soft words of comfort to him.

"I'm sorry..." Itachi whimpered finally. "I-I'm so sorry..."

"I know you are..." Kisame murmured, grateful it really was over. They stayed like that for quite a while, even after Itachi cried himself to sleep in Kisame's arms. Not that Kisame minded. As long as Itachi was safe, nothing really bothered him. He reached around and drew the covers on Itachi's bed down, then laid him down on his stomach. After a couple seconds of rummaging through their drawers, Kisame found Itachi's p.j.'s and carefully dressed him for bed. "Good-night, Itachi-kun..." he said, tucking him in. He sat back down on the bed and lightly rested his hand on Itachi's head. The other strayed to a damp spot on the sheets. (Itachi-kun must have done that...) he thought, brushing his hand over the shoulder Itachi had been crying on, not surprised that it was damp as well. He smiled lightly. "Little brat."

-----

AN:

JK: Sorry if I was too harsh, but Kisame made it up to him, right? Sorry about that freaking long paragraph at the end, too. I couldn't think of where to break it. I dunno when I'll update again, maybe later today, maybe tomorrow. Let's root for today, folks! Please review and tell me if Kisame was too harsh or just right. Or too lenient. O.o JK temporarally out!


	9. DEIDARA!

AN:

JK: Okay, this chapter is later that evening. ...I'm still listening to _Lollipop (Candyman)_ by Aqua! (Dammit! It's so addicting!!) And I'm now listening to _One More Time_ by Daft Punk! (Dammit! Another dance song-!) If you haven't figured out the pattern, JK loves dance songs, hence the song _What is Love_ in ch. 6...(Looks left for her readers, right, left again, then dances instead of writing fan fiction)

Mah Readers: (If you actually scream this while reading, you get to reach your hand in 'JK's Big Bag O' Goodies' and pull out whatever you want!) HEY!!! GET BACK TO WORK, JK!!

JK: O.O; Sorry!!

This first one goes to the awesome 'bell' on 'animeotk(dot)com' (It's an anime adult spanking site. I know an 20-something-year-old girl in my neighborhood who goes on it, but won't let me near her computer while she's there.) for his/her lovely pic of Kisame spanking Itachi in ch.1. It was hilarious! I feel so loved!! bell, you TOTALLY captured Ita-chan's look of 'wtf?!' I LOVE you.

To Chipmunk-Chihuahua Hybrid - . Don't worry about sending me the same comment twice! Actually, each comment was different! In both, you told me you could relate to Ita-chan, and in the second, you gave me a better idea of which belt hurts most! (AIIIIEE!!) You're not an airhead! I'm an air...What was I doing again? ;)

To Fuhrer Sakura Taisen - Myez...talk about it. No, my plushie did not come yet TT.TT. But, I'll let you know when it does by means of typing all caps and yelling 'woohoo!' a lot. ;) Heheheheh...

To t.A.T.u Crazi - I have, too TT.TT. (shudders) That's why I was worried. I was afraid I'd be climbing the ranks, and I don't want to KILL Ita-chan or loose all my readers. (gasps) Yes, belts hurt like hell!! . (The doofus formally known as JK has accidentally snapped herself with her belt trying to get it off the coathanger.) As for putting Deidara in for you, no prob! Adds a little...SPICE...to the story. ;) And, yes. If you thought Kisame was mad when he had no idea where Itachi was, think how mad he'll be once Ita-chan gives him a slip-of-the-tongue and reveals that Deidara knew where he was that whole time...

To my 'sweetie' ( XD ) cip-san - I'm glad I could be your first reviewer for your new story! It was so kawaii!! (you're now on my favorite authors list!) Ita-chan sends his thanks for the tissues! And as for your comment of going absolutely bonkers (lol) I'd be worried if you were writing this story! Poor Ita-chan would probably still be over Kisame's knees right now!! (Just kidding!) I also doubt that Mr. Uchiha really cared for Itachi like a son, more like a prized object to flaunt around. Itachi still doesn't realize why Kisame is doing this if he cares. ("If he does love me, then why does he hurt me?" - Itachi, ch. 7.) He still has a ways to go before he realizes why. E.g., JK's gonna keep this going until either she runs out of ideas or runs out of readers! Please let it be the former.

To NamimiNakashima - Thank you! Nice to hear from you again!

To cyberspiderweb - I know he deserved it...someone better get some baby lotion, fast! (any volunteers to apply it...?) Don't worry, Deidara will get a paddling for knowing, but never telling!

To TEAL-BLU shamrock - Yeah, (pouts). It'll be worth the wait, though. (smiles) You used to get the belt? Ouch! But, yeah. I hate the stories when someone gets it good and then isn't comforted. (Grrs!) . Eh, 'twas nice to hear from you.

To my 'Lollipop', ( XD, may I call you 'Lollipop'?) Artistic Eloquence - Thank the Lord (you barely hear me say that in a religious fashion ((GAH!)) Not to loose reviewers, but I'm not Catholic, but go to a Catholic school...TT.TT) that you think Kisame wasn't to hard on him. To tell you the truth, even I wonder what will happen. Because this is kinda a weird story, I just wait for ideas to smack me in the head. Sometimes, that's while I'm writing a chapter! As for your taste in music, I have three things to say to you, 1, _Whoa, oh, whoa, oh!_ _You are my Lollipop! Whoa, oh, whoa, oh! Sugar, sugar top!!_ 2, _He loves me, he loves me not, she loves me, she loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, she loves me..._ and 3, The first time I played_ Lollipop (Candyman)_, my sister asked, "Kit, is your cell phone ringing?"

To Xgin'sxlittlexwolfx - Yeah, I feel for you. As I've said once, and I'll say again, the doofus formally known as JK has accidentally snapped herself with her belt trying to get it off the coathanger. On her bare arm. With the buckle end. (Didn't cry, but screamed.)

To The Kyuubi maiden - Hey, no problem! I see you've updated your profile with the correct info! Nice to hear you still love it!

To Jordan-san - Ouch! Feel for you! Glad to see you're still living and you still like it! Oh, and btw, I've dubbed three of my friends on this site with cute little nicknames (DimensionGatel is 'Dimension-chan' ((or 'babe', but that's pretty much everyone)), cip is 'sweetie', and I'd like Artistic Eloquence to be 'Lollipop'.) and I was wondering if there's anything you'd like other than 'Jordan-san'.

and Finally (dammit, this is one long 'reply to reviewers section!') To narutonejii - Thxs for thinking it's a cute fic! Itachi really should be, if he wasn't so damn confused! And, this will not be a yaoi story, sorry. The closest thing I've gotten to yaoi is my other story, 'Three Words'.

Current Chapter Contains: References

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

When the Akatsuki came back at midnight, they found Kisame laying on the couch, exausted and his arm laying over his eyes.

"Hey, Kisame, you awake, un?" Deidara asked, nudging him.

"Mmm, hmm..." he muttered back.

"Is Itachi alright?" Konan asked.

"Fine. He's asleep now."

"You weren't too hard on him, were you?"

"Nah."

"Alright..."

-Next Day-

"His BELT, un?!" Deidara gasped.

"Yeah...mmmph...I can still feel it, too." Itachi groaned.

"I'm surprised you're not doing chores again, un."

"Kisame stated the obvious this morning."

"The obvious?"

" 'You should be too sore to do anything, Itachi-kun.' " Itachi said, mimicking Kisame's voice exactly.

"Holy-!"

"I know."

"When-?"

"That I don't."

"Wow." Deidara said, completely in awe. "The Uchiha clan is really-"

"Actually, I picked that up just from working with him." Itachi explained. "Though I have heard that Sasuke can do a pretty decent Naruto." he grinned. " 'Believe it!' " Deidara burst out laughing.

"That's so funny, un!" Deidara grinned back. "Think of the possibilities!"

"I do. That's why I try not to."

"Oh."

-Later That Evening-

The Akatsuki was continuing a tradition they've had for a long time. Every evening, they gathered in the living room to relax and sometimes watch T.V.

Kisame was seated on the couch, Itachi's head resting in his lap. Everyone else was scattered in various places, but of all of them, Kisame and Itachi were the most comfortable.

"Itachi-kun...why did you run off like that?" Kisame asked quietly, so no one would hear him over the T.V.

"Why didn't you find me?" Itachi asked back.

"What do you mean? I had no idea were you were."

"When Deidara told me you were looking for me, I assumed he told you where I was." Itachi answered, confused.

"Deidara KNEW where you were?!"

"He didn't tell you, did he?"

"DEIDARA!!!"

-Much Later-

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW!!" Deidara muttered.

"You should have TOLD them, Deidara." Itachi sighed.

"You never said anything about telling them, un!" he paused to stretch out. "Sheesh! Not only Master Sasori, but Kisame as well!"

"Be glad Kisame used a hairbrush, Deidara. Be very glad."

"Be glad, un?! I'll be walking with a limp for weeks!"

"Nah. That's me, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. That's right, un."

"Pity me."

"Believe me, I do."

-----

AN:

JK: I'd like to once again say arigatou (sp?) to all my wonderful reviewers. This is not the last chapter, though it will be for a while. I've got a busy week ahead of me, and I may not update for two. Gomen. I'm grateful you all enjoy this story, and guess what? Over the week, I'll be cooking up ALL KINDS of things especially for this story! Have a lovely day/week everyone!! JK out!!


	10. On To Konoha

AN:

JK: "Hello, Mr. Hindle. Or, as you're known in the hospital, Zepp." Meh, heh, heh. That's what my history teacher gets for making me do that stupid report. Well, this dawned on me during Spanish, so bear with me guys! I swear, that woman (my Spanish teacher) is freaking nuts! BTW, cip drew a FANTASTIC picture of Kisame cuddling Itachi in ch. 8! Just go on deviantART and type in Kisame Itachi, and then hit newest! It's around there somewhere! I hope you'll check it out!

To Fuhrer Sakura Taisen - I had an okay week (some bastard put paper-mache in my hair during art class-!). Nice to be back.

To t.A.T.u. Crazi - Believe me, it does! Not that I remember, but, I look forward to your story.

To my sweetie cip-chan - Here we go! Hope you'll enjoy it! BTW, I didn't have this up Friday because I was busy, but not busy enough to sneak some quality computer time!!

To Chipmunk-Chihuahua Hybrid - I really can't. They're just addicting.

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - GAH! (jumps behind couch) You put that down!! But, anywhoozits, I'm your HERO? Aww, you're sweet!

To my 'Lollipop' Artistic Eloquence - Ah, the temptation! That skill should come back up later, btw. Monkeybutt?! Jesus, I pity you!

To narutoneji - Sheesh, ever heard of things called 'school' or 'freaking huge piles of homework'? Well, not trying to be mean, so sorry. Glad you love it.

To axon - Well, I'm considering having them BOTH get spanked by Kisame at the same time at least once. Later, though.

To moonshine-blade - Hmm...Nice to hear from you (Can't really think of anything else to say! TT.TT).

To Jordan-san "Anro" (Ahn-Row)- Is that okay? 'Anro'? I just took the 'J' and 'D' out of your name. I hate hectic weeks too, Anro. Sheesh. I was freaking loaded because two teachers decided to make a big-ass project due the same freaking day, and I procrastinated! Well, here's my update, Anro.

To NamimiNakashima - Yes, Deidara's a moron!

To WhitePhoenixRyoko - Hey! I think I remember you! Well, nice to hear from you again!

To The Kyuubi Maiden - Oy, you have no IDEA!!

To Renji's Baby Sister - I think I've heard from you before...(ponders)

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - Whoa! (fetches ice for you) Nice pun, btw! My headache's gone, too! Thxs!

To Deikuru - Yeah, it was. XP. Well, I'm liking how this is turning out!

Current Chapter Contains: References

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

"Kisame, I'm assigning you and Itachi a special mission to Konoha." Leader said, walking into the living room. Kisame put his newspaper down and raised an eyebrow.

"Does it have anything to do with Naruto?" he sighed.

"No. I'll explain it..."

-Itachi and Kisame's room-

Techno music blasted from the speakers of Itachi's computer as _One More Time_ played on the computer. Deidara and Itachi were dancing together while having a conversation, which isn't very hard.

"So," Deidara started. "No sign of Sasuke in HOW long?"

"I dunno." Itachi replied, not missing a beat. "He charged at me last time, and I beat him up."

"Wow. What a moron, un."

"I don't call him 'foolish little brother' for nothing."

"I see."

-Living Room-

"Oh, I see now." Kisame nodded.

"Yes. Now go find Itachi. You two leave immediately."

"SOMEONE'D BETTER TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!!" Hidan screamed. "I CAN FEEL THE VIBRATION OF THE BASS DRUM THROUGH THE FLOOR!!"

"What music?" Kisame called up the stairs.

"Itachi's playing something upstairs!"

"He's grounded from the computer. Why does he insist...?" Kisame muttered, climbing the stairs.

-So Much Later, That JK Had Time To Take A Shower, Brush Her Teeth, Take A Nap, Then Draw Before We Came Back-

"Itachi? Hurry up!" Kisame called up the stairs.

"I'm coming!" came the reply. A crash and a stream of colorful language followed. Kisame sighed. He then re-checked his outfit to make sure it was alright. A black muscle-shirt and a pair of jeans, the Akatsuki cloak unbuttoned to reveal it all.

"Wow, Kisame. When the Leader said casual, I didn't know Itachi would go like THAT." Sasori commented.

"Go like-" the shark-nin's gaze found Itachi. "WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!"

"What?" Itachi shrugged. He was dressed in baggy black jeans, a black T-Shirt that read 'The Voices In My Head Are Not Real, But They Have Some Pretty Good Ideas" and a long black leather trenchcoat. Yes, folks, he even had black lipstick on.

"No." Kisame said simply, picking his newspaper back up.

"Why?"

"No."

"He said casual!"

"No."

"Come on!!"

"Itachi! Kisame! Stop fighting about what Itachi's wearing and get out that door!!" Leader called from the next room.

"Fine." Kisame picked up his backpack and strapped the Samehada to his back. "Come on, my naughty little weasel!"

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU CALL ME?!" Itachi screamed over the laughter of the Akatsuki. Chuckling, Kisame ushered his naughty little weasel out the door.

-Arriving at Konoha-

"Okay, Itachi-kun. I'm going to check into the hotel. You wait out here, and for God's sake, don't do anything stupid." Kisame instructed, walking into a hotel.

"Why would I do anything stupid?"

"Because you're standing out here in 80 degree weather in all black, not to mention a leather trenchcoat, and even wearing make-up! If that's not stupid enough, I know you'll do something else just to aggravate me!"

"I know you saw the lipstick, but how do you know about the eyeshadow?"

"EYESHADOW?!"

"Shit, I don't think you saw that." Itachi muttered.

"I'll deal with you later, Itachi." Kisame promised, vanishing in.

"I'll don't think they'll buy it, Kisame! We look nothing alike!!" Itachi called after him. They were to check into the hotel as, GASP, father and son. Itachi threw a fit when he heard it, but after a warning glance from Kisame and a reminder of the fact that they were in a forest and there would be no problem for Kisame to find a switch, Itachi quieted down.

"ITACHI!!" Itachi whirled around to see Sasuke. "I've waited...so long..."

"Well, a good afternoon to you too, foolish little brother." Itachi replied nonchalantly.

"I...will kill you!!" Sasuke charged toward Itachi, Chidori in hand.

"I don't have time to play with you, but-" Itachi kicked him in the stomach. Sasuke charged back, and they started fighting. Well, Itachi started beating the crap out of Sasuke.

"This...is over...!" Sasuke charged with Chidori no.2. Itachi braced himself-

"Knock it off, you two!!" Sasuke was suddenly knocked into a tree, and Itachi found himself roughly dragged up by the collar by an annoyed shark.

"Kisame..."

"I should have brought you in with me-!" Kisame muttered, dragging Itachi in behind him.

"You-You're not going to-"

"I should, but I won't." Kisame sighed, letting Itachi go in their room. "Listen, I'll tell you our mission. We're stationed in Konoha for a week to observe Naruto's movements. You know, who he hangs around with, stuff like that. We need to disguise you as a genin and have you try to be nice. You know, make friends with the kid." Itachi fell off his bed.

"It's gonna be a long week." he groaned.

-----

AN:

JK: Well, I live. I still dunno when I'll update again, but I hope you've enjoyed the chapter. Well, until next update, "GAME OVER!!"


	11. A New Face In Town! Enter Sakana!

AN:

JK: Here goes nothing!

To t.A.T.u. Crazi - Mmm...sorry, but I don't think I could really do anything with an O.C. TT.TT I hate saying no to fans, and I'm really sorry. I'm glad you think this is interesting. HEY! Wait, just give me a description and I'll stick them in the next chapter. But briefly.

To Fuhrer Sakura Taisen - No, I didn't kill him, but he had to clean the floors. He then called me a wuss for screaming (I didn't scream, it was more of "Ah!", y'know?) No, my plushie has not come in yet, but I know it's been shipped. :)

To my sweetie cip-chan - Oh, please, draw the pic and put it on DA!!

To narutoneji - No, I'm sorry. I was the mean one :'( Oh, nosebleed. I'm imagining that. Glad you liked the lipstick/eyeshadow!

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - More of a My Chemical Romance fan, if you ask me. Glad you made use of the ice! And yes, little siblings are a pain in the ass. If you ask my sister, she'll say big siblings only 'cause I do the 'Itachi Forehead Jab' to her.

To Deikuru - I feel just as bad, but wait until you see what I'm doing!

To NamimiNakashima - I'm happy you like my obnoxiously long -insert time here- thing. I'd have to run if Kisame went all 'Dad' on him! O.o'

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - Did you put it down? Phew, good. Okay, so yeah go rebel Itachi!!

Current Chapter Contains: References

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

"No." Itachi answered.

"Yes, Itachi-kun." Kisame said patiently, though it was running thin.

"NO."

"Itachi-kun..."

"NO."

"YES, Itachi." Kisame finished. "Argue with me one more time, and I'll spank you."

"Ugh!" Itachi stomped. "No fair!"

"Fair." Kisame shoved a bundle in his arms.

-Much Later-

"Kisame, I can't get the scarf on right!" Itachi complained, now under a genjutsu. Chuckling, Kisame flipped the scarf around Itachi's neck.

"There we go!" he grinned. Itachi pouted. The genjutsu had turned his skin lightish-blue, his hair dark blue, gave him the appearance of a thirteen-year-old, and sharp teeth. He was dressed in baggy blue jeans, a blue T-Shirt, and his black trenchcoat. A black and blue scarf was around his neck and the Kiri headband was on his forehead. "You're a chip off the block, Itachi-kun!"

"If you say that again, I'll knock your block off." Itachi said coolly, his voice rougher than normal.

"Don't be so smart Itachi-kun." Kisame warned. "The only thing that being a smart-ass will get you is a smarting ass. Get it?"

"Yeah." Itachi said sadly, seeing where this was going.

"Atta boy. Now, we'll have to think of another name for you..." the shark-nin leaned back in thought. "Maybe-Nah."

"Mmm...Sakana?"

"Fish?" Kisame snickered. "Appropriate."

"Or maybe-"

"Nah. Sakana's fine with me." he ruffled his 'son's' hair. "Sakana-kun." Itachi, or in this case, Sakana growled.

"It sounds so feminine!"

"Tough." Kisame ushered him out the door. "Be home by seven, Sakana-chan."

"But-I-Wait-!" Too late, Kisame closed the door. Itachi stormed away. Kisame, behind the door, chuckled softly. "Little brat."

-Ichiraku Ramen-

"And once I become Hokage-" Naruto ranted. Sasuke sighed impatiently and Sakura, who was busy having a fantasy involving Sasuke, mayonnaise, skinny dipping, Ino's head on a platter, and Rock Lee in a speedo, sighed as well.

"Umm...excuse me." A light but rough voice behind them said. They turned to see a young Kiri genin behind them, nervously hiding his face under a scarf, and wearing a black trenchcoat one size too big for him.

"Yes?" Sasuke asked, seeing as Naruto had ramen in his mouth and Sakura was still in her little fantasy.

"Umm...well, could one of you scoot over?" he asked softly, clearly on edge.

"Sure thing!" Naruto chirped, shoving Sasuke off the stool.

"Oh!" the boy gasped. Sasuke stormed off, Sakura following him with a shopping list that she was writing 'mayonnaise' on.

"Have a seat!" Naruto cheerfully helped the startled boy onto the stool that was just occupied by Sasuke.

"What can I get'cha?" the man behind the counter asked.

"Um...I really don't know." the boy said quietly. "I'm new here."

"Well, then, I'll just get you the same thing Naruto here's havin'!"

"Thank you."

"So, you're new here?" Naruto asked, happily slurping his ramen.

"Yeah. My father and I are from Kirigakure. We're spending the week here." the boy explained.

"Well, I'm Uzumaki Naruto! It's nice to meet you!"

"...I'm Hoshigaki Sakana." he whispered.

"Why are you so quiet?" Naruto leaned over in Sakana's face. "Why the scarf?"

"Sorry about the wait!" the man put a bowl of ramen down in front of Sakana.

"No trouble." Sakana lowered his scarf to reveal gills, blue skin, and sharp teeth.

"Whoa! You look like a shark! That's so cool!" the blonde chirped happily.

"It's...why I wear this scarf, Naruto-san." Sakana said, slurping his ramen.

"Wow!"

"Not really. I was teased during my Academy days."

"I was, too!"

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

"I don't know, Naruto-san. You don't seem to be that kind of person. You seem to be the...loved kind of person."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, you said you're new here, right?"

"Are you deaf, or just slow?"

"A little of both!" Naruto said proudly. "How about I show you around Konoha?"

"You'd do that? For a freak like me?"

"Of course I would, Sankaka!"

"Sakana." Sakana corrected.

"Right, Sakana, sorry!"

"No problem. I'll have to ask Otou-san, though."

"Your dad?"

"Yeah. I'll meet you here tomorrow at eight a.m."

"See yah, Samehada!" Naruto called over his shoulder, charging toward his house.

"SAKANA!!!"

-Itachi and Kisame's hotel room-

"Kisame?" Itachi poked his head in the room. "I'm home."

"Have you eaten yet?"

"Yeah, I found Naruto at the ramen shop. He offered to give me a tour of Konoha tomorrow. May I?"

"Sure, if it helps the mission." Kisame replied, going back to his cooking. "It's weird, but I'm making pancakes for dinner. You still hungry?"

"Little bit."

"Okay, help me by setting the table, will you?"

"Sure." Itachi agreed. "The thing that gets on my nerves is, he keeps getting my name wrong."

"Really?"

"Yeah. First, it was Sankaka, which I can understand."

"Then?"

"Samehada." Itachi groaned. Kisame burst out laughing.

-----

AN:

JK: So you don't get confused, whenever he's with Kisame, Itachi will be referred to as Itachi. With Naruto, he's Sakana, which does mean fish if my stupid Japanese Dictionary is right. Until next chappie, JK OUT!!


	12. Touring Konoha and The Name Game

AN:

JK: Well, bear with me, folks. A friend is really upset because another's been stabbing her in the back for years, and she now just found out. My funny meter's running low, but it's still high because we're getting that no-good bitch back tomorrow! BTW, cip drew another pic! It's of Ita in the outfit that scared the crap out of Kisame (It's on deviantART). Go see it! It's amazing!!

To Fuhrer Sakura Taisen (Hekun) (Heh-Kuun) - Is that okay? Hekun? Just messed with your name a tiny bit :) BTW, 'Samehada' means 'Shark Skin', or what they call Kisame's sword in the manga/Jap. anime.

To my sweetie cip-chan - Love the pic! As always. :) I look forward to your next one!

To Chipmunk-Chihuahua Hybrid - I hate history! I only updated 'cause my boyfriend didn't call and we normally think of ways to give Ita a bad day (helps my story), so I plugged an idea in myself.

To t.A.T.u Crazi - She'll only be there for a moment, but her name's Osore. Thxs for the info. Oh, yeah. 'Samehada' (shark skin) is what they call Kisame's sword in the manga/Jap. anime. That's why he got such a kick out of it. Ita's threat: Well, mainly he's saying he's going to punch Kisame by using a pun. Then Kisame retaliates with a pun of his own. (the 'smarting ass' comment)

To Anro - Glad you like it, Anro! Sorry, I can't get a Gaia. If I did, I'd probably stop using this lovely site! (gasp) Well, here you go, namihazure no (special/extraordinary), hoshi (star), ookami (wolf), and they didn't have 'leopard' sorry. :'( Oh,well. Have fun!

To swordzoro - Yah, well, he's mainly trying to annoy Kisame for revenge, but stops when threatened. Glad you like his OOCness!

To NamimiNakashima - Made your day? I'm so happy!

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - I sent some ice for you, 'member? Yes, damn the American censorship, and do you call your brother 'Foolish Little Brother'? I have a friend who does that and it drives his brother nuts!!

To moonshieblade - Yes, very cute!

Current Chapter Contains: References

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Osore is property of t.A.T.u Crazi, and for God's sake, please no one ask me for another OC!!

-----

-Ichiraku Ramen , 8 a.m.-

Naruto charged to the ramen shop, muttering something about his alarm clock and Sasuke. He was startled to see Sakana waiting for him.

"Good morning, Naruto-san." he greeted.

"Good morning, Uo-san!!" Naruto called. Sakana smacked his forehead.

"Sakana."

"Uo, Sakana, they mean the same thing!"

"Ugh!!" Sakana groaned. "Uo is fine, as long as you don't screw my name up anymore!"

"Can I keep guessing?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Let's go!" Naruto grabbed Sakana's hand and dragged him behind. "This is the Academy!" he crowed, reaching said destination.

"Very large." Sakana commented.

"Kakana?"

"No."

"Darn it!"

-Hot Springs-

"Pervy Sage and I sometimes come here to relax after training!"

"I love the water."

"I can tell. Mm...Sake?"

"What?!"

"Oops."

-Stone Faces-

"I love to graffiti here!"

"Wow. Don't you get in trouble?"

"Sure do! Uh, Sabaku?"

"Way off. Think MIST Naruto, not SAND."

"Kiri?"

"NO."

-Park-

"We'll rest here." Sakana decided. "But why was this our last stop, Naruto-kun?"

"Because I love the park!" Naruto answered cheerfully. "Chidori?"

"What the-?!"

"Apparently not."

"NO." Sakana groaned.

"Hey, want some ice cream?"

"I guess."

"What flavor?" Naruto asked, going through his wallet.

"Chocolate."

"Be back soon!" And the nuisance left. Sakana sighed deeply, then pulled his scarf over his mouth.

(This is harder then I thought.) he mentally groaned.

"I'm back!" Naruto handed Sakana his ice cream. "Eat it before it melts!" The two ate in contented silence, and when they were done, it was time to go home.

"I...had fun, Naruto-kun." Sakana said, smiling.

"I'm glad you did! I'll see you tomorrow, Macarena!"

"WHAT THE HELL?!?!"

-Itachi and Kisame's hotel room-

"I'm home!" Itachi called, taking his shoes off.

"Oh?" Kisame looked up from his newspaper. "How was it?"

"Macarena?" Itachi asked. "I understood a few, but Macarena? Are you laughing?"

"Pfftt..." Kisame bit his lower lip. "Trying not to."

"I'm going to BED!" Itachi stormed into the bathroom to change.

"Whatever, Itachi-kun."

-Next Day, In a Cafe-

Sakana was sipping his hot chocolate while Naruto kept trying to guess his name.

"Saka?"

"Close."

"Teresa?"

"Uh...No."

"Sally?"

"Why all the girl's names?"

"I dunno."

"Can I get you two anything else?" their waitress asked. She wasn't very tall, but looked like she meant business for someone so young. Her nametag read "Hello, my name is Osore." and written next to it in her own writing said "Now f--- off!!"

"A mallet." Sakana said. "I'm gonna smash his head in if he gets my name wrong again!"

"Sure thing." Osore said, walking off. Sakana glanced at her as she walked away.

(Punk chick, eh? Not bad.) he thought. (Not bad. But I don't have time to think about that. Besides, if I brought her home, Kisame would have a fit. Though that would be interesting...nah. Don't want another spanking if I can help it.)

"Here's your mallet." Osore handed him a mallet.

"Chica?" Naruto guessed.

_WHAM!!!_

_-_Park-

"I still don't see why you hit me, Uo." Naruto complained.

"Well, I do have some good news." Sakana said. "My dad told me we'll probably be staying a little longer then he'd expected."

"Really?"

"Don't get your hopes up, Naruto-kun. I'm not sure."

"Well, I have an idea! Come hang out with me and my friends tomorrow!"

"What?"

"Yeah! I'll pick you up at your room, and I'll introduce you to my friends!"

"Are you sure they won't think I'm weird?"

"Weird, Uo? You look like a shark, yeah, but we're all nutjobs!!"

"R-Really?"

"Yeah! No one will care!" Naruto continued happily.

"Well, I'll have to ask my dad. I'm sure it'll be okay!"

"Then we'll exchange addresses!"

"Alright..."

-Itachi and Kisame's hotel room-

"I'm home!" Itachi called. "Kisame?"

"Itachi! Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!" Kisame called back.

"Sorry..." Itachi whispered, quickly getting changed and slipping into bed next to Kisame (It was a one-bedroom place, and the woman at the front desk's excuse was 'Well, you ARE father and son, so it shouldn't bother you.')

"How'd it go?"

"Kept screwing up my name. We decided on 'Uo' until he can get it right."

"Uo, huh?"

"Don't get any ideas."

"I'm not. I'm just saying, it's cute."

"...Dear God, what have I done?"

"Nothing. It'd better stay that way."

"Well, he wants me to meet his friends. He's coming to pick me up tomorrow."

"That's another step in our mission."

"I know." Itachi snuggled close to Kisame to aggravate him. "Good-night, Kisame."

"Good-night." Kisame pushed Itachi away. "Uo-chan."

"GOD DAMMIT, KISAME!!"

-----

AN:

JK: Uo-chan...(snickers 'cause she's a _Fruits Basket_ fan) Well, ch. 12 down the drain. I'm having fun!! Whoo! Okay, so, next chappie, Sakana meets Naruto's friends. If you're confused, just play it by ear, okay? Until ch 13, JK OUT!!


	13. Meeting With Friends

AN:

JK: Wow, over 100 reviews...Well, cip's at it again!! Just take this link: http://cip-rochnaug(dot)deviantart(dot)com to see Ita all nervous in ch. 8! It's cute!! (dies)

To t.A.T.u Crazi -Glad you liked her name-tag, but she's not coming back!! I'm sorry, but I'm afraid she'll mess up the story!! TT.TT

To my sweetie cip-chan - Linked the pic, it's been printed and now resides in my folder!! XD

To moonshine-blade: ...Spell-check didn't find that. Thanks for finding it, but I think it'll stay for now. I don't like messing with my stories once they're up. I understand your OCD, though.

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - I really dunno. They just smack me in the head during boring classes like Spanish. (Gawd, I hate my teacher!!)

To Hekun - Meow, meow, meow!! Glad you're happy!

To Anro - Sorry, but I can't Gaia...XP I Neopets, though...TT.TT (Secret shame) Though, not as much anymore...As I mentioned, they just smack me in the head during Spanish!

To special agent Ali - That it is...that it is...

To The Kyuubi Maiden - I understand. My friend's been out of town for a while. I think she may be moving...O.O'

To Deikuru - Pass it, pass it, pass it!! (takes mallet from Sasuke and throws it in a lake) There! Prof's in the ocean!!

To Renji's Baby Sister - Uh...I dunno. She's t.A.T.u Crazi's OC, so I really dunno who'd flip more.

To NamimiNakashima - Hehehehe!! (grins at you)

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - This is what we did, when she came back, she asked 'Who got my work?' And I said, 'I thought SHE got it', and so was everyone until we got to the friend that was betrayed, and she said 'I thought you were my friend'. She had the best look on her face, then after explained we didn't want her hanging with us anymore, she just said 'Fine, you babies!' and left. She still aggravates me...!

To Dark-Rainy-Mist - Glad you like it!!

To WhitePhoenixRyoko - Whew, glad it was...!

Current Chapter Contains: References

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

-Itachi and Kisame's hotel room, 7:32 a.m.-

"I'm dressed!" Itachi announced, packing a bag. "I just need some shinobi gear, then I'm set."

"Be home by-"

"Nine." Itachi finished.

"I was going to say 7:30." Kisame looked up from making their bed.

"Nine." Itachi insisted.

"We'll compromise. Eight."

"NINE."

"Argue one more time-"

"I know! I know! You'll spank me!"

"I was going to say 'Argue one more time and it'll be five', but that works too."

"WHAT?!"

"Heh, heh, heh..."

-Naruto's House, Meanwhile-

"You'll love him, Sasuke!!" Naruto was saying. "Really! He's a cool guy!"

"But you can't remember his name?" Sasuke sounded annoyed.

"No, his name's Sakana."

"And you keep screwing it up why?"

"I can't resist!"

"Ugh."

"I'm going to go pick him up, now! Ooops, better get a move on!!"

"Wai-" (click)

-Sasuke's House-

"Naruto?" he asked. "Naruto? Dammit!! He did it again!"

-Streets-

Naruto quickly located the hotel Sakana was staying at, then found his room. As he approached the door, he heard an argument going on inside. He knocked twice.

"Will you just-!" a voice yelled. "Coming!"

_CRASH!!_

"Hello?" Sakana opened the door. "Oh, Naruto!"

"Uhm...is something...?"

"No." Sakana said quickly. He turned and called. "I'll be home by nine, dad."

"Eight, Sakana." his dad called back.

(Why does that voice sound familiar?) Naruto wondered, then realized that this was the same hotel that he and Jiraiya had stayed at when Itachi and Kisame came for him. The same floor, too. (Wait...)

_"...I'm Hoshigaki Sakana." _

(Why does the name 'Hoshigaki' now suddenly ring a bell?) Naruto wondered.

"Nine, dad!" Sakana insisted.

"Oh, for the love of...fine."

"Yay!!" Sakana grabbed Naruto's hand and dragged him downstairs.

-Training Area-

"Sakura, Sasuke, this is my friend Uo!"

"...Hoshigaki Sakana." Sakana introduced himself.

"I'm Sakura!" Sakura chirped.

"...Uchiha. Uchiha Sasuke." Sasuke said coldly, eying Sakana. Sakana took one step backward.

-Skip-

"Kiba! Shino! Hinata!"

"What?!"

"Hmm...?"

"...N-Naruto-kun...?"

"I want you to meet Uo!"

"...Hi." Sakana muttered, noting how Hinata was eying Naruto.

-SKIP-

"Neji, TenTen, Lee!!"

"What?"

"Yes?"

"Good day, Naruto!!"

"I want you to meet Uo!"

"..." Sakana was done introducing himself. But, noted how bizarre Lee was dressed. (Gross. It clings to his body.)

-SKIP-

"Shikamaru! Ino! Choji!"

"..."

"What do you want?!"

"Mmmph!"

"This is Uo! He's new in town!"

"Ugh!!" Sakana groaned. (Seriously, Uo?)

-SKIP-

"Well, that's everyone!!" Naruto chirped happily. After they all met up, Naruto and Sakana graffiti'd the Stone Faces, t.p.'d Gai's house, took a ramen break, then pulled a prank on Iruka-sensei with fudge, salamanders, Iruka's laptop, and sharpies.

"Thank-you, Naruto." Sakana smiled. "I feel like...I'm really fitting in."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I'm going back to my room."

"Need me to escort you?"

"No thanks. I've got it."

"See you tomorrow, Sakana!" Naruto called, running off.

"Hey-!" Sakana called back. "You actually got my name right!!" Shrugging, Sakana headed back to his hotel, aware of a shadow following him.

-The Hotel-

Sakana reached for his keys, then turned to the shadow.

"Hi, Sasuke." he grinned.

"Hello," Sasuke stepped out of the shadows. "Itachi."

-----

AN:

JK: CLIFFY!! EVIL CLIFFIES!! MUHAHAHA!! MUHA- (chokes) Ahem. Well, that's that for now! See you in ch. 14!!


	14. He's ITACHI, I Tell You! ITACHI!

AN:

JK: Otay, I live. And so does Sakana!! If you wanna see 'im, go back to cip's deviantART. He's adorable!!

To my adorable sweetie cip-chan - THE WAR HAS BEGUN!!! (lol) And I've joined they fray by doodling. I don't have a DA, though, which is sad 'cause I drew and colored 'tachi-chan and it actually looks okay. TT.TT LOL!!!

To Dark-Rainy-Mist - Am I? Well, glad the story rox ur sox (inside joke, sorry.) XD

To lina kazamike - We'll see, lina-chan...we'll see...

To Anro-chan - Meheheh...I bet you couldn't wait...

To t.A.T.u Crazi - Glad you understand, and I'm sorry. (pouts) I'm just glad I found a place for her. Originally, I was just going to have a waitress with no name, but I got a kick outa making it your OC!

To Flamecolonel - I saw your DA, Colonel-san! Glad you like my story!

To lindortruffle (lol, j/k) ExplosiveNoteNinja - Believe me, no you don't!! Some kid key'd our principal's car, and he was like, going to murderize the lot of us!! I never did find out who it was...

To Renji's Baby Sister - That was based off a real conversation I had with a friend! She was in a mood, and whenever I aggravated her, she'd go "Kit, you'd better shut up before I drop you on my knees and beat your ass!!" So, of course I kept trying XD! Then, she says for the fifteenth time that day, "Kit, you'd better shut up-" And I yelled really loudly, "I know! I know!! You'll drop me on your knees and beat my ass!!" A bunch of people stared at us, and then she says really quietly, "I was gonna say 'Duct tape your big mouth shut', but maybe I'll do both." then I screamed "SHIT!!" at the top of my lungs. O.O'

To xcupidxstuntx - Oo! Cookies!! For me? Aww...(munches on cookies)

To Deikuru - Whoa, slow down, Dei-Dei!! (lol, Dei-Dei) You'll find out how he knew...and the answer is really stupid!!

To Artistic Eloquence - Don't feel bad! I still love you! (huggle)

To NamimiNakashima - ...RANDOM!! (chappie appears!)

To The Kyuubi maiden - You'll find out how well...! X3

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - SQUEAL!! Myez, well...hi.

To Hekun - No, but it's been shipped!!

Current Chapter Contains: References

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

Sakana felt a cold chill.

"Wh-What?" he stuttered.

"You heard me." Sasuke said calmly. "I know it's you, Itachi."

"B-But...how...?!" Sakana, or rather, Itachi, gasped.

"You can't fool me."

"How?" Itachi prompted, waving his hand.

"Well, I was suspicious of a Kiri genin suddenly showing up." Sasuke began. "Then I realized your partner resembles a shark, right?"

"Yeah, and his skin's sure rough like one..." Itachi muttered. Sasuke ignored that comment, though he didn't quite get it.

"Then I realized it was you!"

"HOW?" Itachi near-screamed. No use getting Kisame out of bed for something like this. Sasuke pointed to Itachi's face.

"It's those eye-things." he stated. Itachi almost fell over.

"What?!"

"Those lines on your face! Only you have something like that."

"What-How-When?! AGH!!"

-Next Day-

"Good morning, Sasuke!" Naruto called, waving at Sasuke.

"Hey, moron." He noticed Sakana licking an ice cream. "Hey, Ita-"

"Are you hurt?!" Sakana instantly gasped.

"What?"

"You said, 'itai'. Are you hurt?!"

"What? I said hey, Ita-"

"You said it again!" Naruto said. "You sure you're alright?"

"...Never mind."

-Park-

"Sasuke-kun!" Sakura called. "Look who Naruto abandoned!!"

"He didn't abandon me, Sakura." Sakana walked over. "He said he was going to the bathroom."

"Well, look." Sasuke started, knowing Sakura would listen to him. "It's Sakura and Ita-"

"See? I told you he was hurt." Sakana interrupted.

"Oh, you're right! Are you sure you're okay, Sasuke-kun?"

"Never mind." Sasuke waved it aside. (I'll have to try a different approach.)

-Tea House-

Though Sasuke hated sweets, he figured Hinata would at least hear him out.

"H-Hello, Sasuke..." Hinata smiled.

"Hey. Why are there two cups of tea? You're the only one here."

"S-Sakana-kun is here with me." Hinata replied. "H-He offered to take me here."

"So, you and Sakana are on a date?" Sasuke asked. Hinata's face turned red.

"W-Why, no! W-We're j-j-just f-friends..."

"Yeah? You're friends with my br-"

"Dango?" Sakana appeared out of nowhere with a plate of dango.

"Oh! Y-Yes, please." Hinata took one.

"No." Sasuke refused. "How are you doing, onii-"

"Oh? So it's your knee that hurts?"

"Wh-What?" Hinata asked. "Y-You're hurt, Sasuke?" She reached in her pocket and pulled out some ointment. "Here, use this."

"No, I'm not hurt!" Sasuke was quickly losing patience. "That's Ita-"

"See, Hinata-chan?" Sakana pointed out. "He said 'itai'. He keeps denying it, though."

"Ugh...!"

-Training Grounds-

"Where's Sakana?" Naruto asked.

"Bathroom." Sakura answered.

"Oh." Sasuke felt an anger vein as Sakana came back.

"ARE YOU ALL BLIND?!" he yelled. "That kid's not who he says he is!! That's ITACHI!! I-T-A-C-H-I!! My BROTHER!!" Sakana paled.

"Are YOU blind, Sasuke?" Sakura asked. "That was rude. There's no way Sakana-kun is your brother. Sakana's too nice!" she slipped her hair behind her ear to reveal a lily. "See? He bought this at the flower shop while we were there and gave it to me. Would Itachi do that?"

"AAAGH!! I give up!" he glared daggers at Sakana. "You win this battle, Itachi, but you didn't win the war!!" he ran off. "You'll see!! I will win!!"

(Poor, foolish otouto...)

-The Hotel-

"YAH!" Sasuke dropped from the ceiling to tackle Itachi, who sidestepped.

"Foolish little brother." he grinned through his genjutsu shark teeth.

"Today, you DIE!!"

"Fine, but could we settle this elsewhere?"

-Bridge-

"Okay, you were saying?" Itachi asked, casting away his genjutsu.

"DIE!!" Sasuke charged toward him, Chidori in hand. Itachi sidestepped and Sasuke fell in the river. When he didn't surface in about a minute, Itachi, yes ITACHI, began to worry.

"Don't tell me..." he muttered. "Foolish otouto can't swim..." When another minute passed, Itachi confirmed his suspicions. "Why me...?" he groaned, instigating his genjutsu and jumping in the water after him. Swimming around as Sakana, Itachi found it hard to repress the urge to hum the _Jaws_ theme. After swimming a bit, he found Sasuke tangled in seaweed, unconscious. Just as he was untangling him, the genjutsu came undone, entangling Itachi in the seaweed as well.

Unfortunately, no matter how prestigious the Uchiha clan is, they have really stupid weaknesses. As you have already discovered, one is their low tolerance to pain. Another one is, Uchihas are dead weights in water.

As he struggled, Itachi became more entangled. The seaweed wrapped around his neck, suffocating him. He coughed, water filling his lungs and making it harder to stay conscious...

"Itachi-kun? You coming around, honey?" a voice said. Itachi opened his eyes to the sky.

"What...?" he asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Kisame was leaning against the rail, his cloak draped over it to dry. He seemed worried. (Worried?! Uh-oh!!) he thought, remembering Kisame's threat.

"How are you feeling?" Kisame brushed Itachi's damp hair out of his eyes. Itachi shrank back, expecting him to follow through. "Huh? What's wrong?"

"Y-Y-You..."

"You cold?" Kisame asked, rubbing Itachi's arms.

"What happened? Where's Sasuke?"

"Your brother's right there." Kisame gestured to Sasuke, stretched out on a rock. "He's unconscious, but alive. I got all the water out of your lungs."

"What happened?" Itachi asked again. Kisame sighed.

When Itachi had come home last night, Kisame heard the argument. He decided not to say anything, in fear that Itachi would panic. He'd heard Sasuke challenge Itachi earlier, and decided to wait it out, expecting it to take ten minutes (five to go, five to come back). When Itachi was gone twenty, he hurried to find him. Seeing Itachi's cloak on the shore, he put two and two together and dove under to help.

"Are you mad at me?" Itachi asked.

"...Not for trying to help Sasuke. I'm annoyed that you two fought again when I said not to..." Kisame sighed.

"So, I'm in for it?"

"Not just you."

"Huh?" Itachi couldn't believe what he just heard. "That means you...you're going to..."

"Yeah." Kisame stood up. "You're both in for it."

-----

AN:

JK: Heheheh...Sasuke's in trouble, Sasuke's in trouble...XD I love my job. Until chappie 15, SHE GONE!!


	15. Ending The Fighting

AN:

JK: This is gonna be so much fun...

To t.A.T.u Cazi - This should be the last 'Konoha Mission' chappie, so soon. Yup, things are gonna get ugly...

To Renji's Baby Sister - Yeah, they're both gonna get a kick outa seeing each other. XD

To Hekun - Heheheh (devious laugh)

To Chipmunk-Chihuahua Hybrid - Maybe, maybe not. I dunno. No, seriously, I dunno.

To Deikuru - I've got a straight-jacket if you want it!!

To xcupidxstuntx - You okay? Pick yourself off the floor and catch your breath! Here comes ch. 15!

To Dark-Rainy-Mist - I love your spell-check updates!! Well, I totally agree. Sasuke NEEDS this...(grins)

To my 'Lollipop' Artistic Eloquence - I know why he saved Sasuke. Yah, he could use it.

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - I know what you mean, New Leader-sama.

To Flamecolonel - I'm happy you find this funny!

To my darling sweetie cip-chan - Love you, sweetie! (blows kisses and sends truckloads of warm cookies for cip-chan to munch on) I can't wait, but just like fan fiction, I'll just have to wait.

To Anro-chan - You'll see, you'll see...

To The Kyuubi maiden - Aren't you clever!

To lina kazamike - WHOA!! We need a medical nin over here!! Someone revive lina-chan!!

To Toxic-Phoenix - Yeah, you're right...

NamimiNakashima - You passed out?! Jeeez-us! (gets water for revival of Nami-chan)

Current Chapter Contains: Mild spanking of teens.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

Itachi couldn't believe his ears. BOTH of them? No way. No WAY.

"D-Did you just say...BOTH?" he stuttered.

"Yes." Kisame replied. "Both. Why?"

"You...not...No way."

"Yes way. Get your brother and let's go."

"Where?"

"The hotel room."

"But...I...he..."

"Now."

"I-"

"NOW."

After securing his brother to his back, Itachi followed Kisame through the trees. Sasuke was slowly coming around, and when he woke up, he was pissed.

"What's going on?! Why are you carrying me?! Why is your partner here?!" he shouted.

"You nearly drowned, you were unconscious, he saved our asses." Itachi answered. "Speaking of my partner..."

"What about fish face?"

"Hey!!" Kisame yelled back.

"I'd watch it if I were you." Itachi whispered. "He's not very happy we were fighting again."

"What's he gonna do about it?" Sasuke asked. "He's got no power over us."

"Uhm...yeah, about that..."

"What's he gonna do?"

"Uhm...well...er...uh..."

-One Very Awkward Explanation Later-

"You're kidding, right?" Sasuke asked.

"I wish I was."

"Wait...You got spanked!! Hahahahahaha!!"

"Erk-!" Itachi's face heated up. "Y-You shut up!! Lest you forget YOU'RE in trouble too!!"

"Oh, yeah." Sasuke quieted down. "But...we're not gonna let him...are we?"

"DON'T fight him. Believe me."

"How many times-"

"That's beyond the point!"

"Hahahahahahahahaha!!"

-The Hotel Room-

"Okay, I can't deal with you both at once." Kisame said, ushering them both in. "Itachi, put Sasuke down and stand in a corner."

"Which one?" Itachi asked, dropping Sasuke. Kisame caught him quickly.

"Don't drop him! And pick one, I don't care." Shrugging and casting a smirk in Sasuke's direction, Itachi walked to a corner.

"Why not him first?" Sasuke argued.

"You're closer." Kisame replied. "That's all."

"Stupid older brother." Sasuke muttered. In his corner, Itachi snickered.

"Itachi-kun! Quiet!" Kisame ordered. "Now, Sasuke, I need you to just come here..."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Pfft!" Itachi grinned.

"Itachi-kun!" Kisame scolded. "One more word out of you, and you'll lose the privilege of keeping your pants on!" Itachi instantly fell silent.

"Wow." Sasuke observed. "You've got him under control."

"Yes, well, come here." Cautiously, Sasuke approached Kisame, who took him by the wrists and sat down on a bed. "You wanna lay down, or do you want me to take care of that?"

"...I don't know." Sasuke answered. Kisame lightly pulled him over, having no trouble securing him.

(Because it doesn't take very long for Itachi-kun to cry, I'd take it his brother is similar. Only until he cries, then.) he thought, quickly swatting Sasuke's upturned rear.

"Ouch!" Sasuke tried to tell himself it was more from shock then pain, but he knew it was a lie when the next few landed. In his corner, Itachi winced sympathetically for his brother, knowing all-too-well how badly that hurt.

"No more fighting, do you hear me?" Kisame finished, punctuating each syllable with a hard smack.

"Nnnn...y-yeah..." Sasuke whimpered softly, tears slipping down his face.

"Okay, then. Go switch places with your brother." As Sasuke passed, Kisame patted his back lightly.

"Hey, y-your t-t-turn." he stuttered, praying he didn't sound too weak.

"Fine." Itachi walked past his brother, who took his place in the corner.

"Itachi-kun, lay down." Kisame ordered, patting his left thigh. Itachi quickly listened, hoping not to fuel the fire.

WHACK!!

"Ah!!" Itachi sank his short purple nails into Kisame's thigh.

"Now, you know better then to actually listen to Sasuke..." Kisame lectured, bringing his hand down every few words.

"Itai!!"

"I do not want to see you two fighting again until you are equals, understand?"

"Ow! Agh!!" Itachi hissed. Meanwhile, in the corner, it was Sasuke's turn to grin.

"Itachi."

"Ow! I u-understand!!" Itachi whimpered, biting his lower lip.

"Alright, you're done." Kisame stood the black-haired shinobi up and sat him on the bed next to him. "Sasuke, come here." Hiding a grin, Sasuke left a corner and sat on the other side of the shark-nin. Kisame put his arms around both of them, gently embracing them. "Enough of the fighting. Give it a few more years, then try again, okay?"

"But-" Sasuke began.

"Give it a few years." the shark-nin repeated.

"Even in a few years, you'll still be too weak. You don't have enough hate." Itachi said, slipping into Kisame's embrace.

"You just wait-"

"Enough." Kisame said. "Relax, both of you. Sasuke, you can go back to your apartment tomorrow."

"But-"

"I said enough." To tired to protest further, Sasuke leaned into Kisame's surprisingly gentle touch.

(Maybe...maybe this is what he sees in him.) he wondered, slowly drifting off.

-The Next Day-

"You're going home, Sakana?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah, I have to." Sakana smiled sadly. "I'm...glad I met you, Naruto-kun."

"Hey, wait!" Naruto ran up to him, handing Sakura a camera as he passed. "Take a picture, Sakura!"

"Huh? Why?" she asked.

"So Sakana will never forget us!" he grinned.

"Sure!" she positioned the camera. "Say cheese!"

FLASH

-The Hideout-

"Finally!" Itachi groaned, flopping on his bed. "Home at last."

"Get unpacked, Itachi-kun!" Kisame called up the stairs.

"Fine." Itachi called back. As he unpacked, he unearthed the photograph. He glanced at it for only a moment, the put it under his T-shirts.

-----

AN:

JK: Well, that was a hassle. I'm not to talkative, so until ch. 16, SHE GONE!!


	16. You're Not The Boss Of Me Now!

AN:

JK: Umm, yeah. Well, about my plushie/ring...I never got it...TT.TT I got another order, but it's a gift for a friend. I'm sad. I'll have to place the order again, I'm afraid. Oh, well. I'm taking my anger out on Kisame!! BTW, art update! cip drew the photograph from ch. 15 and Kisame spanking Itachi from ch. 5, if you wanna see.

To t.A.T.u Crazi - Deidara will not find out about the picture. And about him not burning it, there's a reason.

To Anro - Jah, there's going to be some more spanking! This fic is nowhere NEAR completion! Yes, Kisame's a sweet sharky, isn't he? Unfortunately, he's Itachi's big blue teddy bear/father figure.

To Hekun - Ugh, I know. Been there, done that.

To A - ...(blush) Oh, thanks!

To Artistic Eloquence - C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!! Oh, and I was afraid of that. I don't plan to end this fic anytime soon.

To Renjisbabsister - LOL indeed...(GAWD! I hate the word 'indeed'.)

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - I actually stole the 'SHE GONE' from Teen Girl Squad on homestarrunner(dot)com. O.o

To The Kyuubi maiden - You're right!

To my lovely darling cip-chan - I loved your pics!!

To NamimiNakashima - I agree!

To Flamecolonel - God, I hope you feel better.

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - They will, they will.

To AkatsukisNumber1Fangirl - It's not over, as you can see.

To Deikuru - Muhahahaha...

Current Chapter Contains: References

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

"So?" Deidara prodded.

"So?" Itachi asked back.

"How was it, un?"

"What?"

"The mission!"

"Well, on the way there, Kisame threatened to spank me for the fifth time that day, only now he was threatening with a switch, Sasuke attacked me, I had to use a genjutsu that made me look like Kisame's son, Naruto became my friend, we t.p.'d Mr. Spring-Of-Youth's house, Sasuke discovered me, we fought again, Kisame spanked BOTH of us, then we came home." Itachi explained.

"So, you had fun, un?"

"Totally."

-Living Room-

"Attention, Akatsuki members!" Leader boomed. "We're doing something special tonight. As requested by Konan-"

"Whipped!!" Deidara coughed. Itachi, curled up in Kisame's lap, snickered until Kisame started to roll up his newspaper. Taking the hint, he stopped.

"As I was saying, we are all going out."

"I'm not gay!" Deidara called.

"Not THAT kind of going out!" Leader yelled, then muttered: "I'm surrounded by children."

"Leader?" Konan asked, lightly taking his hand.

"Oh, yes. Well, then, we'll be off at seven. Don't be late." With that, he and Konan vanished. Slipping free from Kisame's loose embrace, Itachi walked to Deidara and knelt down.

"He realizes, of course, when he says 'don't', to us it means, 'do'." he whispered.

"So?" Deidara whispered back.

"Let's be annoying."

"Are you on a streak?"

"Nah, I just like hearing 'don't' and then go do it."

"Don't jump off that bridge?"

"No, Deidara. Not like that."

-7:01 p.m.-

The whole Akatsuki was standing around waiting for Itachi and Deidara to come in. They were all in standard jeans/T-shirts get-ups.

"Itachi?" Kisame called up the stairs.

"I'm coming!" Itachi came down the steps.

"No." Kisame took one look.

"Why?" Itachi asked. He was wearing his black 'The Voices...' T-shirt, baggy goth pants with chains, fishnet gloves, and make-up.

"Do you not SEE what you're wearing? No, no, no."

"Itachi, un!! I need you help me!"

"With what?" Itachi dashed up the stairs.

"Itachi! While you're up there, change!"

"Okay, we're back." Itachi came down the stairs (same clothes) and Deidara hurried behind him in black jeans, fingerless gloves, and a tight-fitting black T-shirt that read, 'If you're reading this, then step one of my evil plan is complete'.

"NO." Sasori and Kisame said instantly.

"What?"

"Come on, un!!"

-The Bar (Yes, It's A Bar)-

"Look, un!" Deidara shook Itachi's shoulder. "Open mike night for karaoke!"

"Yeah, so?" the black-haired shinobi asked.

"You can do that, un."

"No."

"Come on! You have an amazing voice! Remember, you sang _What Is Love_ for me?"

"NO, Deidara."

"Please?"

"No."

"Puh-LEEEZE?"

"Okay, fine!"

"Yay!"

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"

"Maybe!"

-Later-

"Let's give a hand to him! You know he did fine!" The obnoxious announcer called. The audience applauded, though it was rather forced. "Okay, thank you! Next we have...Oh, my. This is terrible handwriting. It says...Uchiha Itachi! Come on up here!" Kisame choked on his soda.

"Itachi?!" he coughed. The whole Akatsuki (minus Deidara) had matching WTF?! looks as Itachi nervously stepped up to the mic.

"What do you want?" the DJ asked.

"I didn't plan this far." Itachi whispered to him.

"Here, try this. It's They Might Be Giants. You know them?"

"Only two songs."

"How about this one?" he pointed to a track name. A devious idea bloomed in Itachi's mind.

"Sure." he grinned.

"Cue." the DJ hit play.

_"Yes, no, maybe  
I don't know  
Can you repeat the question?"_ Itachi sang.

_"You're not th boss of me now!  
You're not the boss of me now!  
You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big!" _

"Bwahahahaha, un!" Deidara fell off his chair, and Kisame twitched.

_"You're not the boss of me now!  
You're not the boss of me now!  
You're not the boss of me now, and you're not so big!"_

"Kisame? Why are you twitching?"

"I'll kill him." Kisame twitched again. "I'll kill the little brat."

-----

AN:

JK: Wow. I had fun. Anyway, the song was_ Boss of Me_ by They Might Be Giants. I heard it a few weeks ago and saw Itachi yelling this at Kisame. That's pretty embarrassing, if you ask me. I'm going to update later today. Review so I have a 'reply to reviewer' section!! See yah later!


	17. Animals

AN:

JK: Well, this spawned as a conversation between me and JM. Fluff.

To t.A.T.u Crazi - Myez...

To Kurai Himitsu - Yeah, I know. That's where I saw it. Glad you like this fic of mine!

To lina kazamike - You could actually buy that shirt at a Hot Topic! My sister wanted it.

To Chipmunk-Chihuahua-Hybrid - Well, it's just this idea came to me last night, that's all.

To xcupidxstuntx - (grins) This is later, though.

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - I won't, though curiosity has sparked.

To my 'Lollipop' Artistic Eloquence - Meheheheheh...

To my lovely darling cip-chan - Squeee!!!

To The Kyuubi maiden - It's just like that time I played _Mama, I'm A Big Girl Now _in the car with my mother, or the time some bitch tried to talk to me and I played _Cold As Ice_!

Current Chapter Contains: Spanking of a teen

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

-One Week Later-

"So, you're finally ungrounded, un?" Deidara asked.

"Yeah." Itachi replied, putting his sandals on.

"I thought he gave you a month."

"He did, but we came to an agreement."

"Agreement?"

"Yeah. Either I take the month..."

"Or?"

"Or I take a week and get spanked."

"You chose the latter?"

"Yeah, and he let me have it."

"Oooh."

"I'm going out!!" Itachi called up the stairs.

"Be home by seven." Kisame called back.

"Okay!"

-5:30 p.m.-

Itachi hurried through the front door, carelessly kicking off his sandals and clutching his backpack tightly.

"Oh God, oh God, oh, God." he muttered over and over. "I'm home!" he called up the stairs, grabbing his sandals.

"Hey!" Deidara greeted.

"Deidara, if you need me, I'll be in the woodshed." Itachi hurried out the back door, pulling on his sandals.

"We have a woodshed, un?" Deidara asked, confused.

-Outside-

Itachi quickly located the woodshed and ran into it, closing the door behind him.

"What do I do, what do I do?" he groaned, dropping on the bench. He put the backpack to the side and opened it, pulling a lab puppy out. It licked his hand.

-Inside-

"Where's Itachi-kun?" Kisame asked Deidara. "I heard him come in, but I haven't seen him."

"He said he was going to the woodshed." Deidara replied, still wondering how he didn't know about it.

"Dammit, not again!" Kisame growled, walking out the back door.

"Not again, un?"

"I'll be right back."

-The Woodshed-

Itachi was kneeling on the ground, watching the puppy gnaw on a branch he had cut a few minutes ago.

"How do I get you out of here now?"

"Maybe you could try not bringing them home at all, Itachi-kun." Itachi's head shot up quickly, and he paled seeing Kisame in the doorway. "I thought we ended this five years ago."

"I...it just...well..." Itachi tried. "I couldn't leave it!"

"That was the same excuse you gave me each time I caught you when you were thirteen." Kisame walked over and knelt next to Itachi. "You know what Leader said. If he catches you with one more animal, he'll feed it to Zetsu."

"I know..." Itachi said sadly. "I thought I'd stopped, but...it just..." Itachi trailed off, looking at the puppy sadly.

"You realize I have to tell Leader, right?" Kisame said quietly, picking up the yellow ball of fur.

"No!" Itachi grabbed his arm. "Y-You can't!!"

"I have to." Kisame shook him off. "I'm sorry, Itachi-kun."

"Please, Kisame!!"

"We can't keep it!" Kisame snapped. "Someone else will find it and tell Leader!" Itachi looked down sadly.

"I...I know...but, can't we just...let it go?" he whispered. Kisame sighed.

"Just this once, Itachi. Just this once." he said, hiding the puppy in his jacket. "But no more, you hear me?" Itachi nodded quickly. "Good."

-Several Days Later-

Itachi was once again in the woodshed with a ball of fur on his lap. This time, it was a black bunny rabbit.

"Why me?" he muttered, absent-mindedly stroking the rabbit's fur.

"Itachi..." Itachi jolted up. Kisame was standing in the doorway with a disappointed look on his face. "I thought we had a deal..."

"Kisame..." Itachi held the bunny close.

"What's your excuse this time? It sniffed you?"

"No...I-" Kisame held up a hand to silence him.

"I'm sorry, Itachi. Hand it over."

"No!"

"Now." Kisame said firmly. Trying to repress tears, Itachi obeyed. Kisame took the rabbit from him, sighing.

"Can't you just..." Itachi whispered.

"What?" Kisame asked.

"Can't you just let it go and...well...spank me?"

"Did you just ask me to-"

"Just let it go!!" Itachi yelled.

"...Fine, but don't you go anywhere." Kisame said, leaving the woodshed. Itachi sat on the bench, then realized his mistake. This was a freaking WOODSHED. It would be no trouble for Kisame to find a decent implement. Now realizing this, Itachi shuddered.

"Why me...?" he groaned again.

"Itachi." Kisame said, walking back in and closing the door behind him. "Stand up." Itachi stood, allowing Kisame to take his place on the bench.

"I'm sorry." Itachi said. "It won't happen again."

"I know." Kisame agreed. "Remember, you chose this, not me." he gestured to Itachi's pants. "Drop them."

"What?" Itachi asked. Normally, Kisame took his pants down.

"Drop them." Kisame repeated. Itachi sighed, then slowly pulled his pants down. Kisame gestured to a twig on the table. "Hand that to me."

"B-But I-"

"In case you're wondering, I'm going to spank you for not only the dog and the bunny, but every other animal you brought home five years ago, even when Leader said it was taboo!"

"...Alright." Itachi said, retrieving the switch for Kisame. Kisame took it from him and put it next to him on the bench.

"Now lay down." Once again, Itachi obeyed, feeling his limbs relax into the familiar position. Kisame slipped his fingers into the waistband of Itachi's black cotton boxers and started to pull them down.

"Wait! No!!" Itachi begged. Kisame sighed, pulling them down to his knees.

"Sorry, Itachi. It has to be bare so I can see what I'm doing." Kisame explained gently. "I don't want to over-do it."

"...Not to hard..." was all Itachi could think of saying.

"Tell me, how many have you brought home?"

"Uhm..." Itachi wondered. "Counting the dog and bunny...about...twenty-five?"

"Okay, then. That's how many swats you'll receive." Kisame told him. "Count them, and if you make a mistake, I'll start over."

"What?!" Itachi gasped. "Please, no!"

"You chose this Itachi, remember that." Kisame told him, swinging the switch down.

"Aaah!!" Itachi yelled. "Uhn...one..."

"Good boy." Kisame nodded his approval, noting the angry red line he'd made. (I'd better be careful...I don't want to hurt him...)

"Owwww!! ...T-Two..." Itachi panted. "Agh!! Three!!"

Kisame was watching the marks build up, being extra careful not to cross or go back over a already-red area.

"Waaaah!! ...th-thirteen...!!" Itachi wailed, having started crying at the eight swat.

"I know it's hard, Itachi-kun, but please hold still for me." Kisame said gently, patting Itachi's head.

"I-I'm...t-trying..." he whimpered back. "Aaaaaaaaah!! ...fourteen...!"

"Hold on...we don't have that much further to go." Kisame assured the sobbing teen.

"Uhnn...uhnn...! AAAH!! ...ow, ow...fifteen!"

"Ten more..." the shark-nin toyed with a lock of Itachi's hair as he spoke.

"Waaaah!! ...s-s-six...teen..." Itachi panted, tears blurring his vision. "P...please...stop..."

"I'm sorry, Itachi. You chose this."

"Itai!! Ow! Ouch!! s-seven...teen...eighteen...uhn...n-n-nineteen..."

"Not too long, now..."

"I'm sorry...! Waah!! Tw...twenty..." Itachi sobbed, heart aching as well as his bottom. "...Aaaaaaaah!! Twe...twenty...one..."

"You're doing fine..." Kisame assured him.

"Gyaaahh!! Uhn...uhnn...twen...ty...two...!" Itachi found it harder to count each time. "...(sob) Twe...nty...three...! Aaaaahh!! T...wenty...four..."

"Last one..."

"Kyaaaaah!! T...twen...ty...f...five..." Itachi sobbed, thankful it was over.

"Shhh...there, there..." Kisame murmured, rubbing Itachi's back and putting the switch down. "It's okay..."

"I...I c-couldn't...he...help it!"

"Shhh..."

"I-I-I just..."

"Shhh...I know. I know. Listen, I just don't want you to get upset, that's all."

(Well, THAT backfired.) Itachi thought. (Then again, I DID ask him.)

"Come on, now...let's fix your clothes." Saying so, Kisame lightly pulled Itachi's boxers and pants back up. "Come here..." he lifted Itachi to a sitting position on his lap. Tired, Itachi relaxed into Kisame's embrace. "I know you like animals, but I don't like seeing you cry. No more, alright?"

"...I'll t-try..." Itachi sobbed quietly.

"Good boy."

-----

AN:

JK: Idea about what happens to the animals stolen from Karijin Aska Shangel, a very talented KisaIta writer. Strange as it seems, though, JM's never read her stories yet he said it. Oh, well. I'd feel horrible if I didn't give credit. Living on my computer, so please R&R while I think of new ways to torment Itachi.


	18. Pranks At Three AM

AN:

JK: Here we go with chappie 18!!

cip: Yay! I'm in the AN!

JK: Duh, 'cuz you helped to write it!

cip: I'm so happy!

JK: Alright, this was a RP between me and cip, and the cast was as follows:

Itachi and Sasori - JK

Deidara, Kisame, and Konan (one line) - cip

JK and cip: Please enjoy!

To my lovely darling cip-chan - What the-?! You're in the AN, too. Oh, well. Thanks for your help! Are you still going to draw Ita and Dei in their goth gear/Ita in the woodshed with his puppy? Please don't rush if you are. With you, it's always worth the wait. Oh, and BTW, I've altered it slightly by inserting actions and messing with SOME dialog, but besides that nothing's changed.

To t.A.T.u Crazi - You want some earplugs?

To Hekun - I'm happy you did!

To Flamecolonel - (twitch, twitch) Heheh. So, you're an animal lover too, hunh? Good for you!

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - Pity poor Itachi...he just wants to help them...

To Anro - He's 18, right? BTW, I karaoked that song in front of my 'boss' (in joke) Zorf. O.o Oh, and when you find the animals, chase Kisa around the yard with them screaming, 'Guilty! Guilty!'

To lina kazamike - Your sister must think I'm some kinda pervert now. Could you tell her that JK's a good girl, please?

To The Kyuubi maiden - I would have, too.

To Karijn Aska Shangel - I'm so happy you like my story! (faints) Don't worry, I won't spank you. That's Kisame's job. In case you didn't get my review, you're the BEST KisaIta writer hands down! Answering you question, I'm thirteen (my profile says 14, for some reason). I don't think my mother would like that, but, it does sound fun...(Kisame taps foot) Crap. But, before I run, I'd like to say I loved chs. 7 and 8 too because they were sweet. Ending question for you...Ever thought of including a little fun spanking in YOUR stories? XD

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - That sounds like a great idea! Keep your eyes peeled (God, I hate that expression) for it somewhere!

To swordzoro - Yeah, he's getting attached, but no, he won't call Kisame 'Dad'. Scratch that, I really don't know.

To Nami - Yayz! XD

Current Chapter Contains: References.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

-Three Months Later-

"Deidara? Are you awake yet?" Itachi whispered into the darkness of Deidara and Sasori's shared room.

"Zzzz...huh? ...wha? Go 'way...'m having a good dream! ...zzzzz...un." Deidara mumbled back.

"No, you promised you'd help me with this, and if we're going to do it, we have to do it now while everyone's asleep!"

"Five more minutes, un? Pleeeease?"

"Five more minutes, and tall, blue, and gruesome will realize I've gone AWOL again! Now, c'mon!" Itachi prodded.

"Awww...does fishy-chan scare you THAT much? Fine, but this had better be worth it." Deidara slipped out of bed, noting that Itachi was fully clothed in the Akatsuki uniform. "Can I bring my clay?"

"Hey, you've been over his lap before, you should know this."

"And I'll never let him near me again!" the blonde promised.

"Yeah. We'll see how that goes. I doubt you'll need that clay." Itachi dropped his voice to not wake Sasori. "Do you need me to go over the plan again?"

"Yeah, you know me." Deidara snickered nervously. "Memory like a sieve, un."

"Okay," Itachi hurried him into the hall just in case. "Do you remember those holes we dug today?"

"The ones out back?" Deidara asked.

"Yeah, those. What we're going to do is fill them with water-"

"And call everyone outside. I remember now. I also remember thinking this was a BAD idea! Konan will KILL us if her hair gets messed up! Besides, how do we fill all the holes? A hose won't do it." Deidara thought for a moment. "Know any good water jutsus,. un?"

"Deidara, my partner's a six-foot-tall SHARK." Itachi reminded him. "Yeah, I know some water jutsus." he leaned in and grinned at Deidara. "And do you remember the Noodle Incident? Remember I said that was a bad idea, but we did it anyway?"

"And do YOU remember what happened BECAUSE we did it?" Deidara asked back. "You got spanked and Sasori locked me in my room with no dinner AND took all my art supplies for a week, UN!" the blonde grimaced. "I'm STILL finding noodles EVERYWHERE!" Itachi began snickering at the memory.

"But wasn't it fun?"

"...Yeah it was. This sounds like fun, too." They stood in silence for a minute until Deidara called, "Race you outside!"

"Ah!" Itachi jolted as his friend sped past him. "Deidara! Watch out for strategically-placed marbles, roller-skates-"

"Owwwwww!!"

"...and that...skateboard."

"Who's IS this, un?!"

"I think Tobi's. Now shut up before either Kisame or Sasori wakes up!"

"Sorry, un." Deidara pouted, then rubbed his ankle. "I think I've twisted my ankle. Piggy-back, un?"

"Fine, hop on." Itachi knelt in front of the blonde, who happily complied. Itachi carried him out the back door, stepping on a rubber duck in the process and almost tripping himself.

"Why does Tobi leave his toys everywhere, un?!" Deidara jumped down, then grinned sheepishly at Itachi's raised eyebrow. "Okay, maybe not twisted, then, un." he said, blushing.

"Then what...? Never mind." Itachi quickly formed a hand sign, and in a matter of minutes, all the holes were filled with water. "Ready?"

"Almost..." Grinning devilishly, Deidara dropped a handful of clay fish into each hole. "Now we're ready, un!"

"You, my friend, are evil." Itachi patted Deidara's shoulder.

"You wanna call them, or should I?" Deidara's eyes took on a wicked gleam.

"You should have the honors." Itachi gallantly bowed. Deidara bobbed a curtsy in reply, making the Uchiha wonder for his sanity, then screamed,

"OI! YOU LOT, UN! COME OVER HERE FOR A MOMENT!" so subtly.

"Over here!" Itachi pulled Deidara behind a bush as the Akatsuki rushed out.

"Urgh! I forgot ninjas could walk on water! Time for plan B!" Deidara formed a familiar seal. "KATSU!!"

**_BANG!!!_**

"It appears they can only walk on water when concentrating. That's handy to know."

**_SPLASH!!!_**

"Uh, Deidara? I'm now finding a flaw in our plan." Itachi whispered. "Kisame can swim."

"What? Oh, CRA-"

"AAAH!" Itachi jolted up and pulled Deidara along behind him. "RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIIIFE!!"

"They're GAINING!!" Deidara yelled, looking over his shoulder. "USE YOUR SHARINGAN OR SOMETHING, UNNNN!!"

"Uhhh...right!" Itachi closed his eyes for a moment. "Amaterasu!" A curtain of black flames erupted behind them, and Deidara skidded to a halt.

"The MANGEKYO? 'Tachi. you're gonna ruin your eyes, un. How many finger am I holding up, un?"

"Three. It's holding them off - Is that Sasori?"

"AAAAAGH!! HE'S MADE OF WOOD, YOU IDIOT!!"

"He's not on fire! The fire died down!"

"Oh, okay." Deidara caught his breath, then they both started running again. Itachi glanced over his shoulder.

"Water style, Water Shark Bomb Jutsu!" Itachi unleashed a weak, but still effective, shark bomb.

"Sasori-no-danna!" Deidara called, pointing over his shoulder. "...Itachi? You just hit a seven-foot-tall shark with a water jutsu."

"I hit KISAME?! Shit!"

-Back With Kisame And Sasori-

"That stupid weasel!" Kisame growled, annoyed he'd been woken up at three a.m. and even more annoyed for what he'd been woken up FOR. "When I get my hands on him...! Sasori! Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Sasori answered, running alongside the shark-nin. "Do you have a plan for catching them? They keep getting better at eluding us."

"...Uh, no." Kisame admitted. "Chase them until they give up? Itachi's bound to trip over something with his eyesight!"

"...Then I'll send a puppet up ahead so my Chakra Strings can trip them."

"Brilliant!"

-Back At The Holes-

"PEIN!!" Konan coughed. "I'm made of paper and soaking wet!! HELP!!"

-Itachi And Deidara-

"Deidara, what's going on back there?"

"They're all wet, they're all furious...and they're all catching up!!" Deidara panicked. "If I had my clay with me, I could make a bird and fly us out of here, but NOOOO. SOMEONE said I wouldn't need it!! UNNN!!"

"Well, soooorry!" Itachi called sarcastically, then his foot hit something and he stumbled. "Whoa!" Deidara grabbed his arm to right him.

"Hey, are you alright? Are you SURE you can see where you're going, un?"

"Yeah, thanks. I can see where I'm going." Itachi tried to take another step. "But something's got my ankle!"

-Sasori And Kisame-

"See?" Sasori asked. "No problem."

"Hey!" Kisame yelled, parental instincts kicking in. "If he's hurt, I'm going to drop you in a tub full of termites!"

"Do you want me to bring him back or not?" Sasori asked, slightly unnerved at Kisame's threat.

"Yeah, bring him back." Kisame cracked his knuckles. "Let's see what he has to say about THIS little escapade!"

-Itachi And Deidara-

"Deidara!" Itachi yelled, jerking his leg. "It's one of Sasori's-" before he could finish, the puppet reached up and grabbed him around the waist. "Agh! Help!"

"Itachi? Wha-" Deidara turned around, only to be knocked out by Hiruko's tail.

"Let go!" Itachi tried to break free, but he was yanked back and handed to his waiting and irate partner.

"Gotcha!" Kisame yanked him away from the puppet. "You're in trouble now, my lad!"

"...Sh...Shit..." Itachi panted. (Last resort...)

**_CHOMP!_**

"AHHH!" Kisame dropped Itachi. "The little rodent BIT me!"

Itachi scrambled to his feet and burst into a sprint, only to be re-snared by Sasori's puppet and handed back to his irate partner, who grabbed him by the ear and pulled so hard that Itachi had to stand on tip-toes.

"WELL?!"

"Owww!" Itachi complained. "What?"

"I'll tell you WHAT!" Kisame roared. "WHAT were you two THINKING?!"

"Um...er...ah..." Itachi stuttered, then gulped. "Wh...What are you going to do to me?"

"You're the genius child of the Uchihas, you take a wild guess!"

"Let me go!" Itachi struggled. "For God's sake, Kisame it's too early. Just tell me." Kisame pinned Itachi's arms behind his back.

"C'mon, you." he said, hauling his struggling partner back to the base.

-----

AN:

JK: Well, that was aggravating to type.

cip: But, it was fun!

JK: You can probably guess what's going to happen to our poor weasel.

cip: (snickers)

JK: So, until next chappie, this is JK

cip: AND cip!

JK and cip: Buh-bye!!


	19. I Love You, Too

AN:

JK: Wow! 200 reviews! Happy dance!

cip: Well, I helped with ch. 19 too, so I'm still here.

JK: Otay, well. I put up live pix of Ita and his bunny and Ita waiting on DA, under this link: lacuna-coil-girl(dot)deviantart(com) Go check them out plz!

cip: And I have some new pix as well!

To Hekun - Nothing really to say to you this time. Sorry.

To Flamecolonel - I know what you mean...

To moonshine-blade - Here it is!

To Karijn Aska Shangel - Cool!! And, yeah. My mom's the same way...TT.TT BTW, I drew Ita with short hair and stuck it on my DA, the link to it is above in the AN, if you want to see it.

To fearthekyuubi - I really try not to. So sorry.

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - Yayz!

To t.A.T.u Crazi - You'll have details, but not the actual scene for Dei-Dei, I'm afraid. TT.TT don't worry, though! It' gonna be fine!

To The Kyuubi maiden - I dunno. Use your imagination.

To my 'Lollipop' Artistic Eloquence - I'm gonna back you up on that one hundred percent!

To Yusin - Yayz!

To xcupidxstuntx - I'll detail the aftermath because I've already got ch. 20 planned.

To SonicGaaraGirl - Whoa! I appreciate the reviews, but you could've just left one and a summery of your feelings! O.o' Oh,well. Thxs, anyway!

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - Hehehe...I like the way you think.

To Anro - (JK joins) Guilty! Guilty! (Kisame turns around and looms over us) Uh-oh...

To my lovely darling cip - Loved the pics!! And, yeah, I still used what you wanted me to. What ARE you going to draw?

To lina kazamike - Sure! Leave me what you want, and I'll make it a chappie!

To nurikos-lurver - Awws...you can get up, now. I'm very flattered.

To Dark-Rainy-Mist - I 'mist' you! XD As for your Samehada idea...Kisame's trying to PUNISH Itachi! Not FREAKING MURDER HIM!! Whew. Okay, that wasn't me speaking, those were the Pop-Tarts I had for breakfast. It would be funny, though, but don't count on it. Well, maybe a pat.

To NamimiNakashima - Yum, yum! (sugar rush)

To Renji's Baby Sister - LOL

Current Chapter Contains: Spanking of a teen

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

"Let me go! KISAME!!" Itachi begged, struggling against his partner's firm grip. The shark-nin ignored the teen's cries and threw him over his shoulder like a sack of rice.

"No."

"Put me down, you son of a bi-" before Itachi could finish, Kisame's hand came down sharply on his bottom.

**_WHAP!_**

"Ahh!" Itachi jerked slightly.

"There's a hint as to what I'm going to do. Now, shut up and stop struggling!"

"No!! Please, let me go!" Itachi begged again. "I'll behave! I promise!"

"It's a bit too late for that now, Itachi-kun, don't you think?"

"Please!! I'm begging!" Kisame shifted the weight on his shoulder so that Itachi was slightly less uncomfortable.

"This is for your own good, Itachi. And you deserve it, seeing the state poor Konan-chan is in!" Kisame scolded. Itachi couldn't help but laugh remembering the glimpse he'd caught of the water-logged Konan. He regretted it, however, when the hand holding him in place tightened on his leg and Kisame growled warningly.

"Don't make this any worse for yourself, Itachi-kun." he sighed.

"Uhn..." Itachi looked over his shoulder the best he could, and saw fearfully that they were at the door to their room. Kisame opened the door and placed Itachi on his bed.

"Don't move, I'll be right back." he warned. Slowly, Itachi nodded, afraid of what might happen if he disobeyed. The shark-nin left muttering, "Where did I leave that...?" He didn't have to wait long. Kisame swiftly returned, and Itachi let out a horrified gasp when he saw that his partner had fetched the wooden hairbrush from where he had left it on the coffee table earlier.

"Kisame, no!" Itachi begged. The shark-nin shook his head sternly.

"I'm sorry, but this has to be done." he said. Itachi looked down and began crying softly. Kisame felt his heart break, but he refused to back down.

"That won't work on me, and you know it." he stated, sitting down next to his partner, still holding the hairbrush. "Now, are you going to comply, or will I have to make a scene?" In reply, Itachi jerked away in an attempt to get away from the older missing-nin. "Fine, then. Looks like we have to do this the hard way." Itachi quickly scrambled to the door, smacking it into the process. Muttering words that not even Hidan would say, he reached for the knob, then found he couldn't move any further. "Chakra strings." Kisame said. "Sasori gave me a crash course."

"How...?" Itachi began. Then he started to cry again, terrified. Sighing, Kisame pulled his sobbing partner to him, then placed him over his lap. Itachi sobbed harder, knowing Kisame was angry at him. The shark-nin felt his heart twist again, but he told himself that Itachi needed to learn. Sighing again, he reached over and picked up the hairbrush from where he'd left it on the bed. "P-Please, Kisame...I'm sorry. Really." Begging had never worked before, but he was still willing to try. "Ki-Kisame?" Itachi tried again. "Kisame!" Kisame just sighed and moved the teen's cloak out of the way. Itachi thrashed around violently, sobbing harder though no blows had landed.

"I'm sorry, Itachi-kun." Was all Kisame said, bringing the hairbrush down. Itachi let out a howl of pain and bucked up to escape, but there was no escape. Kisame's hand on his back held him firmly in place.

_**WHAP!!**_

"Waah! Stop!!"

"I'm sorry, Itachi-chan, but not yet."

"B-But I'm sorry! P-Pleeease!!"

" 'Sorry' doesn't change the fact that this isn't the first time you've pulled a prank like this, and it probably won't be the last time either."

**_WHAP!!_**

"Aaaaah!! B-But I-I-I'm sorry, Kisame!" Itachi sobbed pathetically. Kisame realized there were tears falling from his own eyes as he brought the hairbrush down again. Itachi flung his hand back for protection with a wail of pain, only for Kisame to trap it in his large one, restricting movement but comforting to them both at the same time. Itachi began sobbing harder, feeling more helpless at his lack of movement. "Ow! O-Okay! I-It was a-a-a stupid idea! Let go!!"

"The fifth 'stupid idea' you've had and carried out this week!!"

"Owwwwww!! P-Please! I-It won't happen again!" Itachi wailed.

"You said that last time." Kisame said, pausing for a moment.

"...I...I did?" the black-haired shinobi sniffled.

"You did, little weasel. And the time before that. You never keep your word."

"I...I will th-th-this t-time!! I-I swear!!" Itachi promised. Kisame shook his head with a sad sigh.

"The trouble is, I can't trust you."

**_WHAP!!_**

"Waaaaaaaah!!" Itachi kicked violently. "Pleeeeease!! I-I mean it!!" Kisame sighed, then paused again.

"I don't doubt that right now. So why DO you insist on doing these silly things?"

"...I...I don't know...!" Itachi whimpered, lightly rubbing his face on Kisame's thigh to wipe some tears away. Kisame noted the action and ran his fingers through the youth's hair.

"Well, I wish you wouldn't. I hate making you cry."

"Well, d-d-don't spank m-me i-in the first p-place!"

"I wouldn't if you didn't act like a spoiled brat!"

"I hate you, you son of a bi-"

_**WHAP!!!**_

"Aaaaaaaahh!! I won't t-t-take it back!!" Itachi wailed rebelliously.

**_WHAP!!!_**

"Apologize. NOW!" Kisame demanded.

"AAAAAH!! N-No!" At this, Kisame sighed inwardly. And he'd thought they'd been making so much progress. Itachi seemed to be right back at square one.

**_WHAP!!!_**

"AAAAGH!!" Itachi sank his short, purple nails deep into Kisame's thigh. The shark-nin winced at this, for his partner had dug in deep enough to draw blood. He wanted to stop, but Itachi's stubbornness was proving to be a challenge this time. "Let me go now!!" Itachi yelled. "I...I'll use Mangekyo!" It was an empty threat. Itachi knew better than to use Mangekyo Sharingan on his partner. The shark-nin slowly put the brush down.

"Fine, then." he said, shoving Itachi off his lap. "I can't deal with this anymore. I'm going to talk to Leader about being assigned a new partner." As he spoke, Kisame headed for the door.

"What?!" Itachi panicked. "What do you mean?! Y-You can't! I...!" Kisame turned around.

"You 'what', Itachi?"

"I..." Itachi couldn't find the words. He knew if he didn't say anything, he'd lose Kisame. Just the thought of that made Itachi begin to cry harder than he ever had in his life. Kisame couldn't stand to see the teen that upset, so he crouched down next to him.

"You 'what', Itachi?" he repeated in a quieter tone.

"I...my...p-p-parents...n-ne...n-never...y-you..." Itachi sputtered.

"Shh...shh..." Kisame rubbed Itachi's arms soothingly. "Calm down and speak slower. Now, what are you trying to say?"

"My...my p-p-parents...never...you know...a-and...y-you...I...I don't...und-understand..." the black-haired shinobi managed. Realization hit Kisame like a ton of bricks.

"Your parents never spanked you?"

"N...n-no...n-n-never...n-not e-e-even...th-threatened..."

"But...how come? What about when you did something naughty?" Kisame prodded. Itachi blushed at the word 'naughty, but stuttered,

"I...I was...the...'golden boy'...they...didn't want...t-to..." he trailed off, then turned to Kisame and reached out like a frightened child wanting to be held.

"Hey, hey...it's okay..." Kisame couldn't understand how one minute he was mad, and the next minute he was holding the sobbing cause of his vexation in his arms.

"I...I'm sorry..." Itachi whimpered into Kisame's shoulder. "I...I'm so sorry..."

"I know, it's okay." Kisame gently smoothed Itachi's hair down. "It's all okay now."

"...Don't...leave me...I...y-you..." Itachi seemed to want to say something, but couldn't find the right words.

"Shhh...I'm not going to leave you, my little weasel." Kisame said fondly, tightening the hug. Itachi cried into Kisame's shoulder for a full ten minutes before he began to quiet down again.

"...love..." he said finally, exhausted. Kisame blinked, his hand pausing in mid-rub on Itachi's back.

"Itachi...what did you say?" the shark-nin asked, startled.

"...love...you..." Itachi murmured softly, closing his eyes and falling into a contented sleep. Holding the Uchiha close, the shark-nin smiled and pressed a kiss to the teen's hair.

"I love you too, my naughty little weasel."

-----

AN:

JK: Another hassle down the drain.

cip: We really need to do that again sometime.

JK: We will, we will. But, until next time,

JK and cip: WE GONE!!


	20. Chibi No Jutsu!

AN:

JK: I know this has been done WAY too much, but I thought it'd be appropriate for this kind of story. cip drew the cuddle scene from the previous chappie! On DA under the links I've been sending you to!

To Flamecolonel - Awww...well, thank you! I think parental relationships are the best!

To mistress-ando - Heheheh...as you can see, the story is being continued.

To t.A.T.u Crazi - Details of the AFTERMATH are to be given. The actual scene won't be shown, but I think you'll like this.

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - You'll find out.

To xcupidxstuntx - (grins)

To The Kyuubi maiden - I would hope so!

To nurikos-lurver - Yeah, he did. I think Kisame's gonna hold that above his head for a while, too. Nah, our sharky's not THAT cruel.

To my uberly-fantastic darling cip-chan - SQUEEEE!!! XDXDXDXD

To Renji's Baby Sister - It is? Thank you very much!

To Dark-Rainy-Mist - I'm the queen of puns. A genius? (blows kisses) As for your spell-check update, ROFLAMO!!

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - (sedates) Thank you!

To Yusin - Mean? How? I tend to be oblivious to things. Speak your opinion.

To Xgin'sxlittlexwolfx - (offers tissues) Want?

Current Chapter Contains: References

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

"Owww!! 'Tachi! Watch it back there!!" Deidara whined.

"I'm trying!" Itachi replied. "Hold still, God damnit!"

"I'M trying!" Deidara shot back. He was currently laying face-down in his bed while Itachi tried to put lotion on his burning rear. "It HURTS!"

"Sheesh..." Itachi commented, admiring Sasori's work. "Kisame got me over my pants with a hairbrush, and I'm only light red."

"Well..." Deidara grit his teeth. "Sasori-no-danna got ME with NO protection and his hand, WHICH could be compared to a hairbrush!"

"My poor Dei-Dei."

-Living Room-

"Leader, I hate to say it, but that jutsu would be USELESS!!"

"No, it wouldn't." Pein glared at the Akatsuki (minus Itachi and Deidara). "This jutsu could reduce all of our enemies into children so we could take over. Observe as I test it on our victim." As he spoke, Leader pointed at a shinobi tied in a chair. He formed some hand signs, then there was a flash of light...

"What's going-" Itachi began, coming down the stairs.

"SHIT!!" Deidara yelled, following him.

-FLASH-

"Do you see now?" Pein pointed to the shinobi, who was now a five-year-old.

"Leader? How long does that jutsu have effect?" Konan asked.

"Oh, about a week. Why?" Leader replied, throwing the now-chibi shinobi out the door.

"That would be why." Konan pointed at the stairs. On the stairs were two chibis. One had shoulder-length blonde hair and blank, blue eyes, the other had long black hair in a low ponytail and soft, charcoal black eyes. Both were wearing the Akatsuki uniform, way too big for their tiny frames, and had matching expressions of 'what just happened?'

"Oh, no." Was all Pein could say. Sure enough, he hadn't just hit that enemy shinobi, he'd hit Deidara and Itachi with the jutsu as well.

"Deidara?" Sasori asked cautiously. The blonde looked up.

"Un?" he asked. "Wha?"

"Itachi...kun?" Kisame asked, picking up the black-haired one.

"If you value your life..." he said coldly. "You will put me down."

"Yep. You're Itachi."

"Of course I'm Itachi. Now, put me down, you freak of nature."

"What did you just say?" Kisame instantly snapped to attention.

"Kisame..." Pein began. "I don't know how to tell you this, but the jutsu doesn't just revert their ages, it reverts their MEMORIES. He doesn't remember you."

"Is that true, Deidara? Do you not know me?" Sasori asked, kneeling down to make himself his now-chibi partner's height.

"Who are you, un?" was the response. Sasori shook his head.

"I'm Sasori. I'll be...taking care of you for a while."

"And you are...?" Itachi poked Kisame.

"Kisame." he replied.

"Kisame. Appropriate for someone like you." Itachi nodded. "Now put me down." Kisame twitched.

"Kisame, control your temper. He's a child now." Sasori advised, reaching for Deidara. "Come here, Dei-Dei."

"Sasori?" Deidara asked, allowing the puppet-master to lift him up.

"Yes." Sasori smiled at him. "We need to find them new clothes, Leader. Their current ones don't fit them."

"Yes. I'll put you in charge of that." Leader said. "Take their measurements, and find appropriate clothes." With that, Pein left.

-About Two Hours Later-

"It's the best I could do." Kakuzu said, accepting the two twenties from Sasori. Itachi and Deidara were now in mini-Akatsuki uniforms, now the correct size for both of them.

"You know, they really don't look all that different." Kisame observed. Itachi glared at him. "What?"

"..."

"What, Itachi?"

"..."

"...We're not getting anywhere with this."

"UN!" Deidara yelled, jumping on Kisame.

"Wha?" Kisame, startled, fell over.

"Now!" Itachi called. Both chibis sped down the hall.

"Oh, no." Sasori stared after the speeding chibis. "That could be a problem..."

-----

AN:

JK: Well, there goes ch. 20. I hope to have 21 up soon. XD Enjoy your day!


	21. Catch Those Chibis!

AN:

JK: Otay. Many thanks to Flamecolonel, who drew a chibi Itachi! Linky! flamecolonel(dot)deviantart(dot)com

To Flamecolonel - I appreciate the pic!

To xcupidxstuntx - Yay, havoc!

To Xgin'sxlittlexwolfx - You're very welcome, and thank you!

To Dark-Rainy-Mist - Gah! Those jokes SUCK!! Maybe this will be funnier. It SHOULD be!! I'm a humor writer by trade!

To t.A.T.u Crazi - You will, you will. XD Sooner then you think...

To melody726 - Oh, I'm sorry. I really am. I'm glad I could help by making your day a little better. (huggles)

To swordzoro - Eight. It was eight.

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - UN!! (Zetsu trips and falls trying to catch you)

To Yusin - Oh. He was? Hunh.

To nurikos-lurver - They're five. Of course they're gonna get in trouble!

To The Kyuubi maiden - Both being correct.

To my lovely sweetie cip-chan - Flame drew chibi Ita, if you wanna see! You can give it a shot, too. The more, the merrier!! XD

To my Lollipop (You should know who you are by now, Artistic Eloquence) - EMc2. See? I AM brilliant! (is shot many times) Ow.

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - Feel very sorry for them...

To lina kazamike - My DA, lacuna-coil-girl(dot)deviantart(dot)com, cip's, cip-rochnaug(dot)deviantart(dot)com.

To Renjisbabysister - That was my favorite line, too!

To SonicGaaraLover - I'm sorry I yelled at you. Will a huggle make it better?

To Chipmunk-Chihuahua Hybrid - I'm glad you like it!!

To Naito Kanpeki - CHAOS!! (ahem) Glad you like this story, Nai-chan! XD

To Deikuru - CHIBI-NO-JUTSU!! XD

Current Chapter Contains: Mild spanking of a child

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

"They were hard enough to catch at their normal ages!" Kisame groaned. He and Sasori has lost track of the whereabouts of their now-chibi partners. "Where could they have GONE?!"

"I have no ide- DEIDARA!" Sasori quickly charged down the hall and grabbed his partner under the arms, scooping him up and resting him on his hip.

"Sassy!" Deidara chirped happily. Kisame easily caught his partner and held him in a similar fashion.

"Sassy?" he asked.

"I have no idea." Sasori replied as the blonde wrapped his arms around his neck.

"...Kisa?" Itachi tried.

"No." Kisame told him, walking to their room.

Once in Kisame and Itachi's room, they deposited the chibis on the beds.

"Don't leave this room until we come back." Sasori instructed.

"Or else we'll spank you." Kisame threatened, closing the door behind him as they exited the room. Once in the hallway, Sasori shot Kisame a dangerous look.

"We can't spank them!" he hissed. "They're children!"

"That's rather contradictory, seeing as how it's child's chastisement." Kisame replied coolly. "We won't even have to. We can just threaten a time-out and they'll shut up."

"I don't know. This IS the 'dreadful duo' we're dealing with."

-Back In The Room-

"They can't treat us like this!" Itachi ranted, pacing.

"They can. They're older, un." Deidara answered.

"I don't care if they've suddenly been named one of the five Kage! They still have no right!" he paused, staring at the ceiling. "Let's go."

"Go?" Deidara asked, startled. "Go where?"

"Out. We're going to leave." As he spoke, the now-chibified weasel crossed to his friend.

"I...I don't know, un." Deidara whimpered. "They...they said they'd...well...spank us if we left this room, un."

"They don't have the guts." Itachi said. "I know that. Face it, Dei. You're weak." He walked to the door, and with Deidara's help, opened it. "Now, are you coming with me, or not?"

"Yeah." Cautiously, the duo left Itachi's room.

"Wow...this place is huge..." Itachi commented as they walked the halls.

"What if they catch us, un?"

"We split up so we're harder to catch." Itachi replied.

"Didn't we tell you two to stay in that room?" Kisame asked from behind them.

"Split up!" Itachi whispered. They took off in separate directions. Sighing, Kisame and Sasori followed.

-Ten Minutes Later-

"Deidara!" Sasori picked up his partner in the first floor hallway. "Gotcha!"

"Down, un!" Deidara pleaded.

"No." Sasori walked back up the stairs to Kisame and Itachi's room, startled to find Kisame already in there and Itachi in his arms. "Kisame? You caught-" he stopped dead when he realized Itachi was crying. Hard. "You didn't."

"I warned him." was all Kisame said back, shushing his partner.

"But he-" the redhead began.

"I warned him." Kisame repeated. "And I believe you have yet to hold up your end of the bargain."

"He's a little kid!" Sasori protested.

"Only a few swats." the shark-nin stood up, cradling Itachi gently. "We'll leave. C'mon, 'Tachi-chan. Let's put some lotion on that."

"...'m...'m sorry...!" Itachi sobbed.

"Shhh...I know, baby." Kisame soothed lowly. "I know..." he vanished into the bathroom. Sasori sighed, then sat down on the opposite bed.

"I'm sorry, Dei-Dei." he said softly, laying the squirming chibi across his knees.

"Sassy!!" Deidara begged.

"The sooner I start, the sooner it's over." Sasori assured him, landing the first swat.

"AAAH!" Deidara wailed.

"Hold on, Dei-Dei..." The second swat fell, and Deidara began to cry. Sasori flinched, then swatted him three more times. He quickly gathered him up and rocked him, shushing him and massaging his back.

"I left the lotion out. It looks like he'll need it." Kisame observed, re-entering with his now-sleeping partner.

"Fine." Sasori hurried into the bathroom, assuring his partner that everything was okay. Kisame pulled the covers on the bed down and laid Itachi in it.

" 'Night." he whispered, kissing his forehead. Sasori came back in with Deidara asleep and laid him next to Itachi.

"It's gonna be a long week." Kisame sighed.

"Yep."

-----

AN:

JK: Okay, ch. 21 down! More chibi mischief in 22! ...Man, I love this job.


	22. Day Two

AN:

JK: GAAAK!!! I was going to update on Saturday, but then I got grounded!! TT.TT Oh, well. Enjoy the story!!

To Hekun - Oh, really? What was it about?

To Flamecolonel - XD to your pics!

To t.A.T.u Crazi - Yes. Yes, they will.

To Yusin - (chibi Itachi hands you a flower)

To my lovely sweetie cip-chan - I love the pics! I know I said Sat., but I got grounded! Forgive me?

To swordzoro - Yes. As for your other question, I don't think I'll do that. Sorry.

To Deikuru - (chibi Deidara hugs you)

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - Hmmm...I'll do that later. Thanks!

To The Kyuubi maiden - I will, I will.

To my 'Lollipop' - (chibi Itachi walks up to you, stands on tip-toes ((Chu)) )

To melody726 - I'm glad I could help! (chibi Deidara: ((Chu)) )

To xcupidxstuntx - (chibis huggle back)

To nurikos-lurver - Yup!!

To Renji's Baby Sister - The first was my fav scene, too!

To Dark-Rainy-Mist - Sassy!!

lina kazamike - Hmm...

To SonicGaaraLover - Sasori? Sassy? It's a pet name.I'm so happy! (offers cookie) Want?

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - (offers pixie stix) Want?

To lucky - (pets on the head)

To Anro - No Internet? Oh, teh noes!! (huggles)

Current Chapter Contains: Mild spanking of children

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

"Dei?" Itachi whispered, nudging his friend.

"Yeah, 'Tachi?"

"Let's go." Itachi climbed out of his bed.

"But-" Deidara began. Itachi pointed to their passed-out guardians.

"See?"

"Ohhhh."

-Later-

"Mmm..." Sasori groaned, rolling over and falling off Kisame. "Oof!!"

"You okay?" Kisame asked.

"Yeah, but I think we may have a little problem."

"Which would be?"

"Look at the bed." Sasori pointed at the bed. Kisame's gaze followed, and saw that Itachi and Deidara were gone.

"Shit!!"

-Downstairs-

"Deidara?" Sasori called.

"Sassy!! Look what I found!"

"Wha- NO!! Put down those matches now!"

"Well, I'd love to, but true art is..."

"Dei-"

"A real BANG!!"As he spoke, Deidara lit a match and threw it on Sasori, lighting him on fire instantly.

"AAAAAH!"

-Please Stand By-

"Deidara, come here, now!!" Sasori, who was now soaking wet due to everyone's favorite 6-and-a-half foot tall shark, yelled, grabbing his partner by the arm.

"Noo!" Deidara whimpered. Sasori quickly turned him around and slapped him twice, then turned him back around.

"Don't do that again, hear me?" he asked, taking out a tissue and wiping Deidara's eyes.

"Uh-huh..."

"Okay..."

-Back With Kisame-

"Where could he have gone...?" the shark-nin muttered to himself, looking around. Suddenly, a blood-curdling scream ripped through the air. His heartbeat quickened as he recognized it as Itachi's. And one of pain. He sped down the hall to the source of the scream, their room. When he looked in, he was met with a startling sight. Itachi was kneeling on the floor, crying uncontrollably and clutching at his hand, which was torn and bleeding. Laying next to him was the Samehada, blood on the hilt. Itachi had apparently tried to move it out of his way, and touched the hilt.

"Owwwww!" Itachi wailed, clutching at his wrist now.

"Itachi!" Kisame's parental instincts kicked in as he rushed to his partner. "Come here, come here..." Slowly, he gathered his partner up in his arms. "Shhhh...shhhh...I know it hurts, baby, I know...you need to let me clean that..." He took Itachi into the bathroom and located some alcohol. "Now hold still," Kisame instructed, sitting on a stool and holding Itachi in his lap. "This will sting." Itachi pulled away.

"No!"

"Hon, I have to clean this, or it will get infected and hurt much more." Kisame said gently. "What do you want?" Sniffling, Itachi held out his bloody hand. Kisame lightly dabbed the wound with a cotton ball while Itachi howled in pain. Afterwards, he bandaged the hand and massaged Itachi's back lovingly. "Shhhh...good boy, you handled that really well...shhhh...shhhh..." Itachi quieted down in a matter of minutes. "Does it feel any better?"

"Yeah." Itachi smiled.

"Good." Kisame set him on the floor and gave him a pat on the back to get him out the door. "Run along, little weasel."

-6 o'clock-

"Where are the kids?" Sasori asked, looking around.

"Out back." Kisame replied, not looking up from his newspaper. "Why?"

"We really shouldn't let them out of our sight. I mean, who knows what kind of trouble - OH, MY GOD!!" Kisame looked up to see Itachi and Deidara, covered in mud.

"Oh, no." he groaned.

-One Chase Scene Later-

Itachi pouted as Kisame scrubbed the mud from his body.

"Isn't this child molestation?" he asked.

"Who taught you THAT?" Kisame asked back, startled.

"..." Itachi answered. Kisame sighed, then reached for the shampoo. As he was lathering the little weasel's hair, Itachi said, "It's weak."

"What is?" Kisame asked.

"The shampoo. It's weak."

"...'Tachi, it's Johnson's No More Tears. It won't hurt if it gets in your eyes."

"It's still weak."

"Why?"

"Because it lacks...detangler."

Kisame slapped himself on the forehead.

-8 o'clock-

"But...I don wanna gota bed..." Itachi yawned against Kisame's chest as he was carried to their room. Sasori and Deidara moved back into their room, so Itachi and Kisame had their room back to themselves. Kisame chuckled good-naturedly.

"Itachi, you can barely keep your eyes open." he said, rubbing his back.

"But-"

"No." Kisame took him in their room and lightly undressed him, save for his boxers. He found the only thing for suitable pajamas was an old, over-sized T-Shirt that swallowed him. Kisame smiled at the sight. He tucked him into bed and kissed his forehead. "Good-night." he said.

"Mr. Weasel!" Itachi sat up. "Where is he?"

"Who?" Kisame asked. Itachi lifted his mattress and pulled out a stuffed weasel.

"Mr. Weasel. I can't sleep without him." Itachi explained, snuggling back under the covers. Hiding a laugh, Kisame tucked him back in, then vanished into the hall. Sasori raised an eyebrow at Kisame's snickering.

"What's so funny?" he asked. Kisame grinned.

"Mr. Weasel."

-----

AN:

JK: w00t. Okay, well. I'm off to bed. See yah!!


	23. The Mission, Pt 1

AN:

JK: Okay. Everyone liked the shampoo comment. Why? Mission chapters begin here! Mission, pt. 1! BTW, Flame and cip pix! Links from before apply.

To Yulia - Thanks for the nickname!

To Flame - Thxs for the pix!

To melody726 - MR.WEASEL! Okay.

To my Lollipop - Pay me in pretzels and I'll let you have 'em for the afternoon.

To kanichiwa bitches - Thanks!

To Yusin - Thank Itachi for the flower, not me!

To The Kyuubi maiden - More Mr. Weasel? Okay.

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - XD

To my ubularly-fantastic sweetie cip-chan - I worried you? I'm sorry! Thxs for the pic, btw!

To ItachiXHinata17 - What is it with you people and the shampoo? Oh, well. I did something right!

To SinkuNaida - Okay, but I meant parental.

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader -(chibi Itachi huggles back)

To Aly Uzumaki - I love the story, Aly-chan! Keep up the good work!

To Ninja.of.Love - Yes. Yes it was.

To nurikos-lurver - Have fun!

To Naito Kanpeki - Cookie? For me? Thanks! (munches)

To Anro-chan -Got a specific genre? I know a couple good _Naruto_ fics I could point you to.

To Renjisbabysister - Personally, the Samehada scene was my favorite one.

To Deikuru - I dunno. Who do you think?

Current Chapter Contains: Mild spanking of children

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-----

"Kisame, Sasori, I have a mission for you two." Pein stated, walking into the living room. Sasori looked up from playing _Candyland _with Deidara and Kisame stopped reading to Itachi.

"But, Leader..." Sasori began. "We can't go on a mission. The children..."

"Will be cared for by Konan and myself." Pein finished.

"Sassy?" Deidara asked. "Are you going away?"

"I'm going on a mission, Dei-chan." Sasori replied, picking Deidara up. "We need to get packed."

"What's the mission, Leader?" Kisame asked. Itachi, sitting on one of his knees, nervously hugged him.

"You'll need to obtain a scroll from the Village Hidden in the Grass." Leader explained. "The mission should take approximately two days, so plan accordingly."

"Fine." Kisame nodded, lifting Itachi off his knee and carrying him upstairs.

-Upstairs-

"Kisame, how long will you be gone?" Itachi asked, watching the shark-nin pack a duffel bag with clothes and miscellaneous ninja equipment.

"Two or three days." he replied. "Why?" As soon as he said it, Itachi wrapped his arms around his leg.

"Don't go!" he whimpered. "Don't go!"

"Itachi-chan, I'll be back soon." Kisame assured him, kneeling down and smoothing his hair.

"But...what if-"

"I'll be back soon." Kisame told him firmly.

"But...I don want you to go..." Itachi whispered.

"Aw, geez, 'Tachi..." the shark-nin lifted his partner up and sat him on his knee. "I don't want to leave you, but I have to. You'll be fine, though."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Kisame grinned and kissed Itachi's forehead. "I'm sure." He stood up and placed Itachi on the ground. "Now, Sasori and I still need to gather some things up before we leave. He'll be in with Deidara in a minute, so behave yourself."

"Okay." Itachi nodded. Kisame gave him an affectionate pat on the back before he left. Shortly after he left, Sasori came in and placed his bag on the bed and Deidara on the ground. He kissed him on top of his head, then left as well.

"Now what, un?" Deidara asked.Itachi didn't answer, but looked at the bags. They were just about their sizes.

"Deidara?"

"Un?"

"I have...an idea."

-Later-

"They must be out back playing." Konan told Kisame and Sasori as they were ready to leave.

"Well, when they get back in, tell them I said to behave." Kisame said.

"And I said I'll miss them." Sasori smiled as he spoke. Konan nodded.

"I'll tell them." she smiled back. "Have a safe and successful mission."

"We will." they called as they left.

-On the Road-

"Deidara, this is Itachi. Can you hear me?" Itachi whispered into his walkie-talkie.

"Loud and clear, un." Deidara whispered back. "How are you doing?"

"Good, but the jumping is a little rough."

"Yeah, un."

-Sasori and Kisame-

"Sasori?" Kisame asked.

"Yeah?"

"Up ahead!" Kisame pointed to a squad of Grass shinobi, eight of them, all waiting for them. 

"Shit..." Sasori muttered. A shinobi grinned. 

"Come to steal the scroll, I see?" he asked. Kisame pulled the Samehada off his back. 

"Let us through." he growled, using the same tone he uses when Itachi's in trouble. 

"I think not." Another said, reaching for her katana. A battle broke out between everyone. In the midst of it, the two abandoned bags moved around, Kisame's zipping open to reveal Itachi and Sasori's zipping open to reveal Deidara. 

"Wha's goin' on, un?" Deidara asked.

"A fight!" Itachi gasped. "Oh, no!"

"We've gotta help them!" Deidara said. At that moment, the shinobi who pulled the katana turned around and saw them.

"Oh, my God!" she gasped. "There are children out here! We have to get them away!" Kisame, who had just finished off another Grass nin, turned around. 

"Children?" he asked, then saw Itachi and Deidara tripping another Grass nin and causing him to fall on his own katana. "Sasori!" 

"Yeah?" Sasori called.

"The kids! They followed us!" 

"What?" Sasori whirled around to see the chibis kick the woman in the shin. "Oh, no!" both looked at each other, then quickly finished off the remaining two shinobi. The kids had vanished when they were finished. 

"Itachi!" Kisame called sternly. "Come out here, now! I know you're hiding from me." Slowly, a frightened Itachi stepped out of the bushes. 

"Deidara! You, too!" Sasori said. Deidara followed Itachi. Both were looking at the ground and trembling. 

"Uchiha Itachi, what were you THINKING!" Kisame demanded. Itachi flinched and began to whimper. 

"Kisame, save it." Sasori advised. "We'll deal with them at the hotel. Come on." As he spoke, Sasori reached for Deidara and lifted him up. Kisame nodded and reached for Itachi. Itachi jumped backwards and shook his head no. 

"Itachi...you come here right now, young man." Kisame growled warningly. Clearly frightened, Itachi walked to within an arm's length of Kisame and held out his small arm. Kisame grabbed him and lifted him up, placing him on his hip. Both picked up their bags and took them to a hotel. They checked into two different rooms next to each other when they got there. Once in their room, Itachi jumped far away from Kisame. 

"No!" he begged. 

"Itachi, come here." Kisame lifted him back up and placed him over his lap. 

"But, I'm sorry!" Itachi wailed. 

"That doesn't change the fact that you deliberately disobeyed me and put yourself in harm's way!" Kisame scolded, swatting him five times. Itachi burst into tears and began sobbing hard. The shark-nin quickly pulled him up into a gentle embrace, rocking him tenderly and running his fingers through his long black hair. 

"K-Kisame?" Itachi hiccupped. "Wh-Why are y-y-you c-crying?" 

"Thank God you're safe..." Kisame said back, unable to stop his own tears. "Thank God..." 

-Sasori and Deidara's Room-

"Deidara, come on, now...the sooner you come here, the sooner it's over." Sasori tried, reaching for his partner. Deidara cautiously walked over to him. Sasori lightly swatted him twice, then pulled him close. "Deidara, you scared me..." 

"I'm sorry!" Deidara sobbed.

"I know...I know..." Sasori murmured gently. "I know...I'm just happy you're safe." 

-----

AN:

JK: Mission Pt. 2 begins soon! But, I'll see you on March 18th for Kisame's birthday! I'm putting up a one-shot of Kisame's 25th birthday! I hope to see you then! 


	24. The Mission, Pt 2

AN:

JK: Mission Pt. 2!! XD Our Chibis are gonna cause hell in the Hotel Lobby! BTW, go to either mine or cip's DA to see Birthday pics from my story! 300 reviews!!

To Yulia - That was a fun RP!!

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - Don't worry. He forgives you!

To ItachiXHinata17 - I did. Nice to see you on DA!

To Aly Uzumaki - XD

To Yusin - You like my comfort scenes? Really? Thnxs!!

To xcupidxstuntx - Smile, it confuses people.

To Flames-chan - You need a hug? (whistles, chibi Itachi and Deidara come running) Hug her, boys! (they hug you)

To melody726 - Yeah. I think so, too.

To ExplosiveNoteNinja - Can I just call you 'Boom'? And (runs around in green, giggling insanely)

To My darling cippy-hime - I have a funny scene for you with Konan! XD

To lina kazamike - I just thought of a way to piss them off even more using your idea! Thnxs!

To The Kyuubi maiden - Yup!

To nurikos-lurver - (chibis waltz over and huggle you)

To ShinkuNamida - Thanks!

To Renjisbabysister - XD

To sasori-chibi - I appreciate the reviews, but one with all your feelings will do. Thanks for them, though!

To my Lollipop - Cheez-Its? Gimme! (offers chibis)

To Deikuru - (chibi Itachi stands on tip-toes, CHU)

To SonicGaaraLover - XD

To The All Mighty Black Death - Thank you very much! (chibi Deidara offers flower)

To Anro-chan - Makes you respect people more? Well, if you're looking for some good reads, check out cip's stories, she's pretty good, Karijn Aska Shangel writes good (the BEST) KisaIta, and...you can always check my favorites.

To Dark-Rainy-Mist - Thanks!

To AceSpades - Yes. That's why I added that line.

To Nami-chan - I missed you, Nami-chan! (huggles with chibis)

To Kira-Of-The-Kyuuketsuki-Clan - How about just 'Kira', okay? I'll kill myself typing that for every review you leave! XD I'm just kidding. I'm glad you like my story, Kira-chan! Do you want a chibi hug? Or kiss? Or both? I'll send my boys. (both chibis rush over to you)

Current Chapter Contains: References

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

-End AN-

"Are they okay?" Konan's frantic voice yelled over the phone.

"Yes, Konan. They're fine." Sasori assured her.

"Are you sure? Are they hurt? I'm so sorry we let you two down!"

"Konan, please. You couldn't have seen this coming."

"But..."

"Konan? It's Kisame. I've stolen the phone." Kisame said as he stole the phone from Sasori.

"Oh, Kisame, I'm so sorry!"

"Don't worry, Konan. The kids are safe. We found them before anything bad happened."

"Are they awake?"

"Konan, it's 8 a.m., yes they're awake."

"Can I talk to them?"

"Yeah, sure." Kisame covered the mouthpiece of the phone. "Itachi, Deidara! Konan wants to talk to you!" Deidara scampered in, followed by Itachi. "Okay, I'm putting Deidara on first."

"Konan?" Deidara asked after taking the phone.

"Oh, Dei-Dei-chan! I was so worried!"

"I'm sorry, un. I jus' wanted to stay with Sassy..."

"Aww...I know, honey..." Konan said. "Can I talk to Ita? I just wanted to make sure you're safe."

"She wants to talk to you." Deidara said, handing the phone to Itachi.

"Hello." Itachi said.

"Ita-chan? Are you alright?"

"Just fine, Konan."

"I'm so glad! I was sooo worried about you!"

"I'm sorry to have worried you." Itachi said. But, at the same time, something about the word 'worry' clicked in the back of Itachi's mind.

_"Itachi-kun, I was so worried about you-!" _

"Huh?" Itachi asked. That had suddenly flashed through his mind like a bolt of lightning.

"What's the matter, honey?" Konan asked, concerned.

"Oh, nothing." Itachi muttered, wondering where that had come from. (That sounded like Kisa...and he sounded angry...but, he's never said that to me before...)

"Well, I'd better go! Auntie Konan loves you boys!" Konan said into the phone before blowing kisses and hanging up. Itachi hung up too, slightly unnerved at what he'd remembered, but had no memory OF.

-Later-

"Okay, boys. We're going to leave you here while we go and find the scroll we need." Kisame told them.

"PLEASE, for the love of God, behave yourselves!" Sasori begged. "We'll only be gone a few hours."

"We'll behave." Itachi smiled.

"We promise, un." Deidara grinned.

-Once Kisame and Sasori leave-

"Are they in place?" Itachi whispered into his walkie-talkie.

"In position!" Deidara chirped. "Now all we need is an unsuspecting loser to climb the stairs, un!" As he spoke, a business man climbed the stairs, only to slip on marbles and fall back down.

"Pfft!" Itachi snickered.

"Owww! Hey! Who put marbles on the stairs?!"

"Run, Dei-Dei!"

-Back Upstairs-

"Plan B?"

"Plan B, un." Deidara grinned, holding up some clay.

-Downstairs, Later-

"Is it behind the desk?"

"Behind the desk, un!"

"Okay, whenever you're ready!"

"Katsu, un!"

**_BANG!!_**

"AAAGH!"

-Meanwhile-

"Well, that took less time then I thought." Sasori said.

"Yeah. Let's hurry and see what our Hellions are up to." Kisame agreed, tossing the scroll up and down in his hand.

"Maybe they've caused hell in the hotel lobby."

"What makes you say..." Kisame trailed off, seeing the destruction. "Oh, God, no."

"Why couldn't Konan come pick them up? Why?"

-AN:-

JK: End of the mission chappies!! The chibis have only three more days by the next one! I hope to see you all soon! XD


	25. Babysitting, Last Day

AN:

JK: Wow. I haven't updated for a little while. HOW HAVE YOU SURVIVED?! XD, j/k. Okkkay. New Mission. Last chibi chapter, folks. I'm fresh out of ideas. Please enjoy it! TT.TT I'm gonna miss mah chibis...By popular demand, there will be a tad of yaoi. Pairing to be announced at the end of this chapter.

To sasori-chibi - I think you'll like this, then.

To Flames - You have, too, hunh? (grins)

To Dark-Rainy-Mist - Whoa. Fast reader, just like me. XD

To melody726 - Cool! I was supposed to go to Otakon this year, but I found out I can't make it!! TT.TT

To 'Spolde - WHOO-HOO!!

To Aly-san - Heheh. How's that other story of yours comin' along?

To Hekun - I love you!

To my dearest sweetie cippy-hime - You're back!!

To Renji's Baby Sister - I'm sorry to make you wait so long...

To New Leader-sama - Ha, ha! Use your imagination!

To Yusin - Sorry about its length. I had to rush through it. TT.TT I had a set deadline (I set it) and I was going to be late!!

To Yuli-chan - Heheheheh...oh, our RP...

To nurikos-lurver - Because the jutsu must wear off by order of JK. I have teen chappies planned. In order for teen chappies to take effect, Ita and Dei kinda have to be teens...

To Anro-chan - Glad I could be of some assistance!

To sayuri20 - You like my comfort-scenes, hunh? Somehow, I just think nothing says 'I love you' than a big hug and a shoulder to cry on. But that's just me being sappy. :3

To femmoltje - No prob, babe!

To Dei-kun (XD) - (chibi Ita: I wuv you, too...)

To The Kyuubi maiden - Sorry, I'll ask them to let you tag along next time.

To Kira - XD, thxs!

To Naomi - Thxs for the links and your reviews! I appreciate them! As for Mr. Weasel, yeah. He's always had him. XD

Current Chapter Contains: References

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

-Two Days Later-

"Another mission, Leader?" Kisame complained. "We just got back!"

"Yes, but you had some stowaways..." Leader muttered, glancing over at Itachi and Deidara who were listening to the lovely world of nursery rhymes, as read by 'Auntie Konan'. "Now, on this mission..."

-Later-

"Bye-bye, Kisa...!" Itachi waved to Kisame as he walked out the door. "Miss you!"

"See yah, Sassy, un!!" Deidara called.

"Be good!" Kisame grinned, jumping off.

"We'll miss you both!" Sasori told them, following suit. Konan carried both chibis in the living room and placed them on the floor. Pasted on the wall was a sign that read :

Babysitting rotation:

12:00 - 2:00 - Hidan and Kakuzu

2:00 - 4:00 - Tobi and Zetsu

4:00 - 6:00 - Pein and Konan

"Okay, we know this will be difficult, seeing as how we're dealing with children. We can work this out, okay?" Konan explained. "We each get two hours with them, and Kisame and Sasori should be back around 6:30 or so. Their mission was a simple assassination in a nearby village. Everyone got it?"

"Yeah..."

"Good. Hidan and Kakuzu, you get them first." Leader announced, dropping Itachi in Hidan's arms and Deidara on Kakuzu. "Have fun..."

-Upstairs-

"Kakuzuuuu...!" Hidan whined.

"What?!"

"The little shit keeps staring at me..."

"Well do something!"

"Can't you?!"

"NO! I'm busy!"

"Fuck this, man!!"

"GAAH!!"

"What's that word mean...?" Itachi asked.

"Huh?"

" 'Fuck'."

"HIDAN, YOU IDIOT!!"

-2:00-

"It's your turn, Tobi." a very exhausted Hidan groaned, handing the hyper Itachi to Tobi.

"Oh boy! Tobi likes kids!"

"I was afraid of that..."

-Tobi and Zetsu's room-

**"Can we eat them, White?"**

"No, we can't eat them!!"

**"Oh, come on..." **

"NO!!"

Itachi and Deidara stared.

-4:00-

"How are my boys?" Konan squealed, taking Itachi and Deidara from a very worn-out Zetsu and happier-than-usual Tobi.

"Auntie!" the boys cheered, latching onto her.

"How are my angels?" she cooed, kissing both.

"Hardly...angels..." White panted.

**"I told you...we should have...eaten them..."**

"Oh, hush."

-In Leader's office-

"Look, you don't have to be so angry with me. It was just a jutsu. I didn't MEAN to hit Itachi and Deidara." Leader said calmly, somewhat unnerved by his Akatsuki all glaring at him (minus Tobi).

"Just a jutsu that turned the two biggest pains in our asses into tiny trouble-makers-"

"-Who've learned a few new words, thanks to my idiot partner..."

"HEY!!"

"They behaved, right?"

_**"NO!!" **_

"They did for me!"

**_"SHUT UP, TOBI!"_**

"Okay."

"Look, the jutsu wears off at midnight tonight. Then we'll have them back."

"As teens..." Kakuzu groaned. "At least they're easier to catch..."

"But, they pull off more dangerous stunts..."

They all looked at each other.

"Oii..."

-6:15, Living Room-

"And they all lived happily ever after. The End." Konan closed her storybook.

"Thanks, Auntie Konan." Itachi grinned.

"It's my pleasure, boys!"

"Konan, you realize your time's been up for fifteen minutes, right?" Leader asked.

"Well-" she began.

"Guess it's our shift, then." a voice from behind Konan said, lifting Itachi into his arms.

"KISA!!" Itachi squealed happily, hugging the shark-nin tightly.

"How's my weasel been, huh?" Kisame grinned, ruffling Itachi's hair.

"I hope they weren't too much trouble..." Sasori said, lifting his excited chibi to him.

"No trouble at all! They were perfect angels!" Konan beamed.

At this, all the Akatsuki who was stuck babysitting the chibis fell over anime-style.

-11:50-

"Leader says the jutsu wears off at midnight, hunh?" Kisame whispered, stroking Itachi's hair rhythmically and grinning at him sucking his thumb.

"Yes. Then they will be back to normal." Sasori whispered back.

"I'm gonna miss these little guys..." the shark-nin grinned.

"I won't..."

"Come on, _Sassy_-"

_TWITCH_

"-you can't say you won't miss them."

"Well..." Sasori glanced at his sleeping partner. "They ARE kind of cute..."

"See?" Kisame stood up and kissed Itachi's forehead. "You will." The two exited the room to go downstairs, waiting for midnight to come. Instead of staying awake, they passed out cold on the couch.

-5:34 a.m.-

Kisame yawned and stretched out on the sofa.

"Up and at 'em, Sasori. Our partners should be back to normal."

"Joy and rapture." Sasori groaned. They climbed the stairs carefully, so not to wake them if they were still sleeping, and opened the door to Kisame and Itachi's room.

"Still cute." the ex-Mist nin said with a sharp-toothed grin. Itachi and Deidara were back to normal, still in the over-sized T-shirts (still too big for them), and still dead asleep. The only difference now was Itachi had stopped sucking his thumb.

"Yeah..." Sasori agreed. They tip-toed out.

-7:26-

"Mmm..." Itachi murmured softly, slowly waking up. He jumped out of bed quickly when he saw Deidara asleep next to him, their hands entwined. "When did-?!" he panicked, looking around the room. His eyes fell on the calender. "A week?! I've been asleep a week?!" He glanced down and noticed the T-shirt. "What the hell? Where are my My Chemical Romance jammies?! Is this..." he sniffed the shirt. "Kisame's? Oh my God..." he exhaled, panic over. (Better not wake Deidara...) Itachi thought, holding his right hand, the one Deidara had been holding, to him, cradling it. He couldn't help but wonder,

Why did that feel so right?

--

AN:

JK: Guess the pairing? XD Have a nice day, folks! ...LOL, Itachi calls his p.j.'s 'jammies'...


	26. Explinations and Love

AN:

JK: ItaDei!! Very mild ItaDei!! Mild as in I won't add a random lemon or hot make-out session in the middle somewhere! The most you'll get is holding hands or a quick peck on the mouth/cheek. EXPLANATION TIME XDXD

To AlchemyGaara - Ugh...I think parental relationships should not involve making out or hot sex, thank you. MCR!! (dances)

To 17-chan - XD

To Renji's Baby Sister - cip's absence. She's like, my muse or something. The minute she logged back on, an idea smacked me on the head. That and t.A.T.u Crazi was feeling down.

To Flames-chan - GOLD!!

To miniDeid - Mild, but yeah. Nice to meet you and I'm very glad you like this story. Cookie? (offers)

To Naito Kanpeki - Cuteness...overload...GAAAAH!! (explodes)

To The All Mighty Black Death - Didn't like the chibis? I'm sorry to waist your time with the chapters, then. It (chibis) won't happen again. I just needed some time.

To Yusin - No KisaIta here, I'm afraid. Itachi is 18, and I call my p.j.'s 'jammerz'. XD

To Hekun - Good Lord, I've created a monster...

To melody726 - Yup!

To Artistic Eloquence - The pairing will be VERY mild. I only have it in there for a future chappie. That I hope will be cute. (Itachi and Deidara: You sold us out for CHEEZ-ITZ?! Me: Chibi-no-jutsu! (Poof) There. Now they're chibi for the afternoon with you.)

To The Kyuubi maiden - Heheh...I'm just that talented, aren't I? (shot for getting a swelled head.)

To xcupidxstuntx - (grins) Did something right?

To Deikuru - I call mine 'jammerz'. XD

To nurikos-lurver - Mayyybe...

To Ai - XD

To Dark-Rainy-Mist - You're sweet...

To my fabulous not-dead cippy-hime - XDXD Just kidding. Yes, buh-bye chibis...I call my p.j's 'jammerz'!

To Yulia - Heheheh...

To The-New-Akatsuki-Leader - The kitten hash done good? (puppy eyes)

To tamatava - Fuck you, bitch. Some people like how I write. If you're gonna flame, DON'T LEAVE THE FUCKING REVIEW!! And now, for being blind, I laugh at you! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! XDXD

To Aly Uzumaki - I know, I flamed that rotten bitch right back. XD AND I blocked them. XD Aaaah, I love my life.

To animatedrose - Haha! Nice to hear complements (glares at tamatava who flamed JK and wanted her to RE-WRITE THE WHOLE FLIPPING STORY.) from a reader! I'm glad you like my writing!

To 'Splode - Eh, you'll still like it, then. The yaoi is VERY MILD. I don't plan any making-out of a random lemon. I just can't write that shit. ItaDei is actually quite a popular pairing (and the favorite of one of my close friends) I as planning to add it for angst purposes.

To Anro-chan - Yeah. Sorry 'bout that...(the wait of last chappie)

Current Chapter Contains: References

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

"So, they're back to normal, huh?" Leader asked, blowing on his coffee.

"Unfortunately, yes." Sasori groaned.

"KISAAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEE!!"

"Sounds like my weasel's up." Kisame chuckled good-naturedly. At that, Itachi bolted into the kitchen, still in the shark-nin's over-sized T-shirt, only his My Chemical Romance pajama bottoms.

"Kisame, what the hell HAPPENED?!"

"What do you mean, little weasel?" Kisame asked, scooting over to make room for Itachi to sit.

"I'm in YOUR shirt, I woke up next to my best friend, and I've apparently been asleep for a WEEK!! Leader, what the hell kind of jutsu WAS that?!"

"Itachi, go wake Deidara and then I'll explain." Pein replied calmly, sipping his coffee.

"NO! I am NOT doing ANYTHING until everything is explained!!"

"Kisame? Your weasel."

"Ita, come on, go wake up Deidara."

"Make me." Itachi said stubbornly, crossing his arms across his chest. Kisame smiled. He had his rebellious weasel back.

"Okay, then." Kisame rolled up his sleeves. "C'mere."

"Wha-KISAME?! Put me down!" Itachi yelped, startled. The shark-nin had lifted his partner off the ground and was carrying him up the stairs effortlessly.

"You're so light-weight, Itachi-kun...are you sure you're eating right?"

"Kisame, YOU are a six-foot-tall-overly-muscular FREAK OF NATURE."

"And YOU are a 5'8-scrawny-little-weasel." Kisame said affectionately. "Come, now, and get dressed. Can't have you in that all day, can we?"

Itachi pouted.

-Later-

"So, you're going to explain this, now?" Deidara asked.

"Yes." Pein replied. "You see, I was testing out a new jutsu when the two of you came downstairs and got caught in it."

"Annnnd, it did what?" Itachi asked impatiently.

"Reduced your ages."

"Beg pardon?"

"Reduced your ages. For the past week-"

"-of hell-" Sasori put in.

"-the two of you have been terrorizing us...as five-year-olds."

-Silence-

"WHAT?!"

"What do you MEAN we were little kids?!"

"Impossible!"

"Possible."

"No!!"

"Yes."

"How-when-where-?!"

"You were quite adorable, actually...didn't want to be separated from Kisame or Sasori..."

"Shut up, Leader..."

-3:43 p.m.-

"See yah, 'Tachi! I promised Sasori-no-Danna I'd go to the store with him, un." Deidara called, rushing into the base.

"Y-Yeah...see yah..." Itachi muttered back, his face beet red from standing so close to Deidara. The two had taken a brief walk around the woods near the base. (I think I need to talk to Kisame...) he thought, climbing the stairs to his and Kisame's shared room.

"Hello, Itachi-kun!" Kisame grinned and looked up from re-bandaging Samehada when Itachi walked in.

"Mm...hm...Hey, Kisame? Can I talk to you?"

"We're talking now, aren't we?"

"No, I mean...like important..."

"Sure. What's on your mind?"

"Love." the black-haired shinobi's face slowly turned red again. There was a small pause as Kisame tightned the bandages.

"...Can't say I'm an expert in that department, but I'll try to help."

"Well...is it...uhm..."

"What?"

"Natural...for...uhm...members of the...same sex...to...love...each other?"

"I love you, don't I?"

"Not like that, Kisame!!"

"No reason to raise your voice, Itachi-kun." Kisame placed Samehada back in the closet and sat on his bed. "What, you mean like guy-girl kinda love?"

"Y...Yeah..."

"It's natural." the shark-nin patted his thigh and Itachi obediently sat on his lap. "Condemned by some, but I think it's natural."

"Y...You do?" Itachi felt hope rising within him. So he had a chance with Deidara?!

"Yeah. Love is a beautiful thing, Ita. It doesn't matter if you're male or female, you should love who you wanna love."

"Thanks, Kisame." Itachi smiled and slipped his arms around the shark-nin.

"No problem." a wicked grin spread on the older missing-nin's face. "So, who is he?"

"KISAME!!"

--

AN:

JK: FYI, Kisame's views are my own. Current status, I plan on having at least 40 chapters before throwing in the towel. I gotta wan you, it's gonna get angsty. Have a nice day, everyone!


	27. Hotwiring Kisame's Car and The Mall

AN:

JK: Wow, I'm kinda late here...sorry, school stuff. I will update LOTS during my summer break. Which starts on...the Monday after I graduate. (June 1st, and I'm outta that hell-hole they call my school!!)

To Yulia: Awws...Oh, well. I've got Ita.

To Renji's Baby Sister: Those were great quotes, weren't they?

To my fabulous cippy-hime: Good question. I wonder that, too...(sulks in a corner)

To Yusin: Mleh...

To xcupidxstuntx: I'll save that for another fan fic...when the hormones are ragin'! But I'll do it someday, don't worry.

To Naito: XD So glad you'll still be a reader...

To TEAL-BLU: Me too...

To Flames: Thankies!

To Lina and Jess: No prob, although it will have to end sometime...

To animate: Updated, updated, updated!!

To AlchemyGaara: Mine is...Oo

To New-Leader: (gobbles cookie)

To Kyuubi: He'll be back, don't worry.

To Hekun: Maybe...

To 17-chan: (grins)

To melody: I catch it...and MAN do I hate those Fan Fics where Kisame's empty-headed! He's a cool guy!

To Swirly: Yah...I'm on the recieving end 'cuz I'm bi...

To Chipmunk: There are ways...

To Ai: Glad you're on my side...(bi)

To Anro-chan: (scoots away slowly) Don't condemn me, I'm bi...(j/k You'd never do that)

To Cate: No detail.

To Rhettbush - Thanks!

To StCC - Thanks for all the reviews! :3 (I keep ch. 8 in a folder and carry it everywhere w/ me...)

To miniDei - Thank you very much!

Current Chapter Contains: Mild ItaDei

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

"Deidara? Deidara! Read me the next instructions." Itachi called from under Kisame's car's hood.

"Um...hold on, I've got the Spanish side." Deidara replied, flipping the booklet over. Just then, the engine of the car revved.

"Got it!" Itachi called happily. Yes, folks, Itachi had hotwired Kisame's car. "You comin', or what?"

"Comin'!" Deidara chirped happily. Itachi slid into the driver's seat of the car and Deidara scooted into the passenger side. They pulled out of the garage and were down the street in a puff of smoke.

"Wow...I never noticed how beautiful the forest around here was..." the black-haired shinobi mused as they drove to the nearest village to hang in the mall. Deidara nodded quickly.

"Yeah, un! It is true beauty..." he began to form his trademark hand-sign.

"No, Deidara!" Itachi shot back. "Preserve its beauty, don't blow it up!!"

"But my beauty is the explosion!" Deidara protested.

(No, you yourself are true beauty...) "No, Deidara...if we blow it up, Zetsu will have a cow."

"Which half?"

"Nice point."

-About Ten Minutes Later-

Itachi parked the car and he and Deidara entered the mall. No one stared at them because they were wearing normal clothes. Deidara had a pair of red jeans and a black T-Shirt that read 'BANG!' on it in red. Itachi was in blue jeans and a T-Shirt that read 'Rebel' in blue. The only people that looked their way were teen girls and a few men as well. Itachi paid them no mind and reached for Deidara's hand.

"Why're you trying to hold my hand, un?" Deidara questioned.

"You look like a girl. Maybe if we hold hands, people will think we're here as boyfriend and girlfriend and leave us alone." Itachi replied, heart pounding and face heating up. (Please work, please work, please-)

"Sounds reasonalbe, un." Deidara nodded and took Itachi's hand in his.

(Thank you...!!) Itachi grinned at his small success. Just as he had planned, no one else looked their way now realizing that neither were available.

The waltzed around the mall nonchalantly, looking in the bookstore, the video store, and Hot Topic, where they spent a considerable amount of time trying on new gothic clothes.

"Yo, Itachi-kuuuun!!" Itachi turned around to see Deidara in a skirt. "How do I look, doll?" he grinned. Itachi nearly suffered a massive nosebleed.

(How does he look?! He looks FANTASTIC!! He looks-) "I think Sasori would have a fit if you came home with that."

"I know. I just wanted to try it."

(DAMNIT!! Now he won't buy it!!)

"Hey, it's getting late. Maybe we should go home, un."

"Good idea..." Itachi nodded. The two left the mall and headed down the road.

"Hey, 'Tachi...watch out for that guy...up ahead. He seems a little...tipsy."

"Tipsy?"

"Yeah, he's kinda driving all-LOOK OUT!!"

"What the fu-?!"

**_CRASH!!_ **

_Ughhhh...what the hell just...Deidara...Where's Deidara?! Why do I smell something burning?! WHAT'S GOING ON?!_

--

AN:

JK: Okay, that's all for now, I'm afraid. Next chappie should be longer. See yah!


	28. Hospitals and Delusion

AN:

JK: Uhm...Unfortunately, due to the length that I've planned for the next few chappies, my 'Reply to Reviewer' section has been cancelled until chapter 31. I apologize in advance, I DID look at your reviews, and I thank you kindly for them. Oh, and Kakuzu's the doctor. Don't complain, he's just the one that's full of stitching.

Current Chapter Contains: Spanking of a teen. Possibly severe.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

"Kakuzu!!" Kisame dashed into the hospital ward of the base. "Where is he? Is he okay?!"

"Calm down, Kisame..." Kakuzu sighed. "He's right here." As he spoke, Kakuzu pointed to Itachi, stretched out in one of the beds. He had bandages on his head, his arms, and various places on his legs and torso. "Surprisingly, Itachi was the luckier of the two for the one driving."

Someone, no one knows who, had called the police for help for a car crash. The Akatsuki, getting suspicious of the absence of not only their Dreadful Duo but Kisame's car as well, had gone out to investigate. They had managed to get both Itachi and Deidara out of the car and back to Kakuzu so he could work.

"I hope he's gonna be okay..." Kisame said, lightly running his fingers through Itachi's hair. "What's their current status?"

"They're going to make it, if that's what you're asking."

"That's a relief..."

"But-"

"But?"

"Deidara's got a concussion and Itachi's delusional."

"Delusional?" Kisame asked, sitting on the bed and toying with Itachi's long black hair.

"He keeps thinking he's back at the Uchiha compound...and that his parents are still alive. It's weird..." Kakuzu paused, looking at his notes. "If you try to touch him while he's awake, he freaks out and starts throwing things, yelling 'Get away! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry, otou-san!' and other things, but that was his more recent."

"Weird..." the shark-nin agreed.

"But, when he's asleep, he keeps asking for different people."

"Like...?"

"Deidara, his mother, Sasuke--which I found interesting--and you." the scarecrow-looking-nin started writing on his paper. "But don't worry, it's mostly you."

Somehow, Kisame couldn't hide his joy at that.

"So...he's going to be okay...?"

"Up and running within the week."

"Good..." Kisame sighed. "He had me worried sick..."

-Later in the Week, shortly after Itachi was allowed to leave the hospital ward-

It was mid-afternoon in the Akatsuki base. Everyone was on a mission except Sasori, Deidara, Kisame, and Itachi. Sasori and Deidara weren't home, however. They'd gone out to help Deidara get his strength back in a near-by village and would not be back until the following morning. So, it was just Itachi and Kisame.

Itachi was on his way down the stairs when Kisame stopped him in the living room.

"Yes, Kisame?" the younger asked, walking over to his partner.

"Itachi-kun, I think we need to talk." Kisame replied, sitting on the couch and patting a space next to him. Itachi obediently sat next to him.

"What about?"

"Well...about my car."

Itachi had to do all he could not to say: 'No surprise there'.

"What about your car?"

"What about it?!" Kisame repeated. "WHAT about it?! Itachi-kun, you HOTWIRED my car and crashed it, seriously injuring yourself and Deidara!!"

"But, 'Same-"

"Don't give me that! Uchiha Itachi, you had me worried sick!!"

"I..." Itachi looked away, ashamed. "I...I'm sorry, Kisame..."

"I'm afraid 'sorry' won't cut it, Itachi." the shark-nin sighed. "Your cloak, please."

"Wh-what?"

"Itachi, put your cloak on the floor. It'll just get in my way."

"But-"

"Please, Itachi...this is hard enough for me. For once, will you just do as you're told?" Slowly, Itachi obeyed, neatly folding his cloak and placing it on the floor. "Good boy." Kisame nodded his approval before taking hold of Itachi's wrist.

"Kisame...!!"

"You brought this on yourself, Ita." Kisame said, lightly pulling him down over his knees.

"Kisame, please!!"

"Itaaa...when has begging ever worked on me?" he replied, tugging Itachi's pants down to his knees.

"Well...no..."

"Feel better doing it, hunh?"

"Ye- KISAME!! LEAVE THOSE UP!!" Itachi protested, reaching back to try and get his boxers back up.

"Again? Itachi, I thought we went over this last time." Kisame sighed, catching his wrist and pinning it to his back.

"Kisameeeee!!"

"Shush, now, Itachi. I need to get this done." Kisame paused, then sighed. "Ita, I just need you to hold still for me."

"Hold st-" Itachi froze when he heard an awfully familiar noise. A sharp clicking sound. "KISAAAAAMEEEEEE!!"

"Aw, sweetie..." he said, lightly petting Itachi's hair. "I know you're frightened, but you really need this." As he spoke, Kisame doubled back his belt.

"Kisame, please!!" Itachi panicked. "Not again!"

"Shhhh...only ten, Itachi..."

"Kisameee!!"

"Itachi, shush." Kisame sighed. "Now, hold still..."

CRACK!!

Just like the time before, Itachi screamed instantly.

"Owwwwww!! 'Saameeee!!"

"Shush, Ita." Kisame replied, bringing three more blows down. Itachi bucked up and shrieked, his own cries piercing his throbbing head, still hurting from the wreck. He tightly gripped Kisame's hand and sobbed, kicking frantically.

"I-I-I'm...s-s-s-sor-sorry!!"

"I know...just hang on-"

"I'm sorry, otou-saaaaaan!!"

Kisame froze, remembering Itachi's delusion spells.

(I need to get him up, now!) he thought, quickly fixing Itachi's clothes and lifting him up. "Shhhh...shhhh...quiet down-"

"Let me go!! I...I'm sorry, otou-saaan!!"

"Shhh...Ita, honey, it's me...Kisame..." he murmured softly, trying to snap him out of delusion.

"Noooo!!" Itachi shrieked, frantically trying to get away.

"Honey, shush...It's just me, Kisame...I'll never hurt you...shhh..."

"LET ME GO!!"

"Ita, shush...it's okay...I love you, Ita...I love you..."

"LET ME GO!!"

"Okay, you've left me no choice..." Kisame sighed. Moving his partner's long black hair out of the way, he quickly located a pressure point and jabbed it, causing Itachi to pass out instantly. "I need to find his medication..."

Kisame lifted Itachi up and carried him up the stairs to their room. He placed him on the bed and went into the bathroom for his medication, a shot. Kisame grimaced. Half was from amusement, the other from pity. Itachi hated shots.

-Flashback-

"Itachi, will you just-?!"

"Nooooo!!"

"Gah-! KISAME!! Stop laughing and help me!!"

"What do I do?"

"I don't know!! Put him on your lap or somet- DAMNIT, HE KICKED ME IN THE JAW!!"

"Pffft...!!"

"KISAME!!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming..."

-End Flashback-

"Good thing he's asleep..." Kisame muttered, walking back into the bedroom. Itachi was whimpering in his sleep, muttering something. "What?" Kisame asked, leaning down to hear better.

"...'Sa...'Same...d...don...le...leave...me..."

"Shhhhh..." Kisame crooned softly. "I'm right here for you..." Hearing Kisame's voice, Itachi scooted closer. Taking this opportunity, Kisame injected the medication into Itachi's arm. Itachi jumped and moaned slightly, but rolled over. "There, now..."

"Nnnn...'Same...?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry...for...frightening you...and crashing your car...oh, 'Same..." Itachi crawled up into Kisame's arms. "I'm sorry...I'm sorry, otou-san...and don't reach for my medication, 'Same. That was directed at you."

Kisame froze.

"Itachi-kun...did you really just call me 'dad'?"

"Kisame...honestly, you're far more deserving of that title then my father ever was." Itachi smiled, nuzzling Kisame. Kisame's eyes filled with tears.

"MY little weasel..." he said, hugging him tightly.

"Oh? Kisame! You're crying?"

"Ah." Kisame wiped his tears away. "Sorry, Ita...a part of me has just wanted you to call me that for a very long time."

"Really? How long?"

"Oh, since I first got fed up with you acting like a brat and spanked you."

"That long..." Itachi mused. "You know, I can still remember the entry..."

"You can?"

"Uh-huh. It was something to the effect of not knowing what to do with me?"

"I figured that one out, didn't I?"

"Yeah..."

"Tell me, are you feeling better?"

"Tired."

"I hope so." Kisame smiled, then started rocking Itachi back and forth slowly. "Shhhh...go to sleep, little weasel...go to sleep...it's okay...nothing will hurt you...Daddy's here...Daddy's right here..."

--

AN:

JK: Cute, no? Okays, until next chappie, see yah! X3


	29. Uo's Back In Town and The Truth

AN:

JK: Updates have begun to lag, in case you haven't noticed. I'm lagging 'cuz I'm waiting for the manga. I'm waiting for a lot of things to happen, so the story's completion is possibly going to be...around December, maybe sooner. I do have some good news. I GOT THE PLUSHIE I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!! (After re-ordering it) Oh, and a necklace.

Current Chapter Contains: References.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

"Back to Konoha again?" Itachi asked.

"Yes, but this time, you're taking Naruto." Leader replied. "By now, you've gained his trust, Itachi-san. Use it against him, and take him to us."

_"Well, I'm Uzumaki Naruto! It's nice to meet you!"_

_"...I'm Hoshigaki Sakana." _

"Of course, Leader-sama." Kisame answered in place of Itachi.

_"Hey, you said you're new here, right?"_

_"Are you deaf, or just slow?"_

_"A little of both! How about I show you around Konoha?"_

_"You'd do that? For a freak like me?"_

_"Of course I would, Sankaka!"_

_"Sakana."_

_"Right, Sakana, sorry!"_

"Itachi-san? Are you alright?"

_"I'm glad you did! I'll see you tomorrow, Macarena!"_

_"WHAT THE HELL?!"_

"Itachi-san?"

_"Thank-you, Naruto. I feel like...I'm really fitting in."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah. I'm going back to my room."_

_"Need me to escort you?"_

_"No thanks. I've got it."_

_"See you tomorrow, Sakana!" _

_"Hey-! You actually got my name right!!"_

"Kisame, feel his forehead, make sure he doesn't have a fever. He looks...blank."

_"You're going home, Sakana?" _

_"Yeah, I have to. I'm...glad I met you, Naruto-kun."_

_"Hey, wait! Take a picture, Sakura!"_

_"Huh? Why?" _

_"So Sakana will never forget us!" _

_"Sure! Say cheese!"_

_-FLASH-_

"No, he feels fine. Itachi-kun? You okay?" Itachi was suddenly aware of Kisame's hand on his forehead.

"I'm fine, Kisame..." he muttered. (Where did I put that picture...?)

"Well...maybe you should lay down for a bit." Kisame removed his hand, his voice holding concern. "Leader, do you think that would be alright?" Pein nodded.

"He can't go on a mission ill, Kisame. He won't think straight, and possibly could get himself captured."

"Understandable. Itachi-"

"I'm going..." Itachi stood and walked upstairs to his room. Once in there, he removed his cloak and laid on the bed, over the cover. (Where DID I put that photo? Hmmm...) Suddenly, he sat up. "My T-shirts!"

Jumping down off the bed, Itachi opened his T-shirt drawer and, carefully, pushed them aside.

"There it is..." he grinned, pulling out the photo. He smiled for a second, looking at the picture of Naruto, Sakana, and Sasuke. Naruto was grinning and flashing the 'V-for-Victory' sign, one arm around Sakana, who had both arms around Naruto and Sasuke. Sasuke was glaring daggers, Sharingan active, and arms crossed across his chest.

Slowly, Itachi put the photo in his shinobi equipment.

(Maybe I should lay down...no need making Kisame worry...again...) he thought, reaching back to rub his bottom, which was still sore.

The morning after his delusion spells stopped, Kisame had taken him upstairs and finished what they started. It had hurt, and Itachi ended up crying, but Kisame held him as he always did and soothed him to sleep.

Itachi sighed, and slid under his covers.

"Only three more hours...Naruto-kun..." he murmured. "I can't wait to see your smile again."

-In the Forest Surrounding Konoha, Several Hours Later-

"Alright, Itachi-kun." Kisame nodded. "The coast is clear."

"Got it." Itachi slowly formed a hand-sign, and at once he was Sakana again.

"Looks like Uo got an upgrade!" Kisame teased.

Sure enough, Sakana's hair was now shoulder-length all around, his scarf now red and resting on his neck. His T-Shirt became black, and his blue jeans were now baggy, black, and had chains. He had also grown a little taller The only article of clothing not changed was the long, black trenchcoat he had worn the first time.

"Not funny, Kisame." Sakana growled softly.

"Alright, you go in and get Naruto. I'll stand guard."

"Yes sir." Sakana nodded, then vanished into Konoha.

-Meanwhile-

"What the hell is your problem, Naruto?!" Sakura was yelling. "Why can't you just leave Sasuke alone?!"

"Sakura..."

"Why am I not surprised to see this?" a familiar voice asked, laughing. Naruto turned around to see Sakana, grinning broadly.

"Uo!!" Naruto and Sakura called, happy to see him again.

"Hey, guys! Long time, no see!" Sakana waved, walking over.

"Uo, I thought I'd never see you again!" Naruto bounded over and tackled him to the ground, hugging him tightly.

"Whoa...missed you too, man." he grinned.

"Uo, Uo, Uo!! Wanna get some ramen with us?!"

"Sounds like fun."

"SAKURA! We're going out for ramen!"

-The Ramen Shop-

"And after that, he fell right down the stairs and landed in the mud!" Naruto was explaining.

"Interesting." Uo commented, slurping his ramen.

"So, Uo...you're getting a lot more...mature now..." Sakura smiled.

"Yeah, well...oh, Naruto, I forgot to tell you! I'm a Chunin now!"

"Wow! Good for you!"

"I can't stay long, I'm afraid. I'm on a mission and traveling. I just stopped here to check on everyone."

"That's too bad, Uo..." they both sounded disappointed.

"Yeah...but I'll try to come back for a visit some time, okay?"

"I'd like that!" Naruto chirped. "Hey, maybe we could prank Kakashi-sensei next time!"

"Now I'D like THAT." Sakana smiled mischievously. "I've gotta go. See yah!" he turned and left, accidentally leaving his wallet on the counter (he paid).

"Uo! Uo, you left your-" Sakura tried.

"I'll get him." Naruto picked up the wallet. "UO!!"

-Back With Sakana-

"He should have noticed by now..." Sakana muttered, jumping through the trees.

"UUUUOOOOO!!"

"There he is...Yeah, Naruto?"

"Uo, you forgot your wallet!"

"Oh, whoops!" Sakana stopped and let Naruto catch up to him, and Naruto handed him the wallet. "Thank you!"

"Hey, Uo, what's that up ahead?" Naruto peered around the older boy.

"The Akatsuki!!" Uo hissed, grabbing Naruto and pulling him into the bushes. Once in the bushes, Sakana pushed Naruto tightly to his chest. "Don't move..." he whispered. Naruto just nodded, his face growing slightly red from being this close to the older boy. Sakana reached for a kunai, slowly, so he wouldn't be detected.

"Sakana?" Naruto asked softly.

"Yeah?"

"Are we gonna die?"

"No. I promise you, we will not die." Uo replied firmly. "Now, come on, we're gonna sneak out this way." as he spoke, he took the blonde's hand and slowly lead him out of the bushes, and toward the trees.

_**WHOOSH**_

_**SHING!**_

"Agh!" Sakana grabbed his arm where a shuriken had just sliced it. "Naruto, run! I'll hold them off!!"

"But, Uo-! Your arm!!" Naruto reached for his friend's scarf and wrapped it around the wound. "There! That should hold the-"

"RUN!!" Uo yelled. Naruto turned tail and fled. "Sheesh..." he stood up and made a hand sign.

"Sorry, Itachi! I was aiming for Naruto." Kisame called apologetically.

"No worries..." Sakana replied, transforming back into Itachi. "He thinks his precious Uo is fighting us." he fingered the bloodied scarf. "Kisame, would you mind bandaging this?"

"No problem." Quickly, Kisame bandaged Itachi's arm.

"Thanks. I'm going to go after him." Itachi tossed the scarf aside and charged.

"I'll go this way, just in case." Kisame nodded. And they parted.

-Back With Naruto-

"Oh, man...I hope Uo's alright...I should go back and help him." with that, Naruto turned tail and jolted back to the clearing he and Sakana were in earlier. "Uo? U...oh!!"

Laying on the ground was Uo's messed up, bloodied scarf.

"UO!! Uo, where are-?"

"Hello, Naruto." Naruto spun around to see Uchiha Itachi standing in the clearing, cleaning blood off his kunai.

"You..." Naruto seethed. "You BASTARD! What have you done to Uo?!"

"Uo?" Itachi asked. "Who is Uo? Oh, never mind. You're coming with me, Naruto."

"No, I'm not! Where's Uo?!" the blonde ranted. "I'll kill you if you hurt him!!" he flicked out a kunai and charged toward Itachi, who nonchalantly caught him up against him.

"Sorry, Naruto...I said you're coming with me." Itachi whispered into his ear.

"No I-" (Hunh?) Naruto paused. (He...smells nice...like...an ocean breeze...and his hair smells like strawberries...just like...Uo...)

"What? I'm sorry, I can't- Ow!" Itachi yelped slightly when Naruto slid his hand up onto his right arm. "What are you...?"

"Are you hurt?" Naruto moved his jacket to reveal bandages. (Uo was hurt here, too...and Itachi's bleeding...no...no, It can't be...) Naruto looked up at Itachi's cold stare. "...Uo?"

"Beg pardon?"

"Uo..." Naruto repeated.

"I told you, I don't know who Uo-"

"Itachi-kun, any luck on your side?"

"Gah-!" Itachi looked annoyed. "Damnit..." He grabbed Naruto's arm...and ran in the opposite direction of his partner's voice.

"What are you doing?! I thought you said-"

"Shut up!!" Itachi hissed, stopping at the gate. "And get in there!"

"But, this is Konoha-And Uo-"

"I didn't kill your little friend, okay?"

"Then where is he?!" Naruto demanded, tears filling in his eyes. "Just tell me!!" Itachi took a breath, paused, then said softly:

"Right in front of you."

"What?!" Naruto gasped.

"I promised you we wouldn't die...and...I intend to keep that promise." Itachi formed a hand-sign, and he became Sakana once again in front of the hyper-active blonde. "I...was using a henge to pose as my partner's son. It was my mission to come here and deceive you into thinking I was your friend while gathering information on you. I...I'm so sorry, Naruto..." Itachi became himself again, his eyes tearing.

"But...why?"

"Because, we needed to know where to find you, who you hung around with, what you do daily, so it would make you easier to track." Itachi paused. "I...had strict orders not to get attached but...how could I not?"

"Uo...I trusted you..."

"Naruto, understand this: I. Told. Them. NOTHING."

"But, you had orders!"

"Screw my orders." Itachi grinned, then it vanished.

"Why would you disobey them?" Naruto questioned.

"Because..." Itachi reached for his back pocket, and pulled out the photo they had taken when he left. "I owed you one."

"You kept the photo?" Naruto asked, startled.

"Of course. I'd never destroy this. It's hidden, so they don't think I was attached, but I'll never destroy it. It means to much to me." Itachi put it back in his pocket.

"What about Kisame?"

"I'll just tell him you got away and there were to many guards for me to try to get in."

"Why?"

"Because, I owed you one." Itachi smiled. "Here." he tossed the scarf at him. "A little token of your own. I apologize for the blood. Kisame was aiming at you."

"Your scarf?"

"I don't need it. Uo is gone, I'm afraid."

"Wait! Just one more picture?"

"Do you carry a camera?"

"Right here! Never know when you'll need it!"

"Self-timer?"

"Yup!"

"Okay, hang on..." Itachi made a Shadow clone in Uo's image. "It'll be a group shot, without my pesky brother."

"Ready?"

"Hang on, ten seconds!"

"Get into position..."

"CHEESE!"

-FLASH-

-Later-

"Kisame!" Itachi panted, running toward his partner. "No go. He got away."

"What?!"

"Too many guards...must have seen Uo running in and thought something suspicious."

"Oh, for-!" Kisame sighed. "Mission failed, then?"

"Maybe..." Itachi nodded.

"Let's go, then." Kisame jumped off. Itachi took out his new picture and smiled.

"Knucklehead..."

"Itachi!"

"I'm coming!" Itachi placed it in his back pocket, next to the old one, and followed Kisame.

--

AN:

JK: Oh, one little thing stolen from Sailor Moon...the scent identification. When Naruto recognizes Itachi's/Sakana's cologne. See yah next time!


	30. DISCOVERED!

AN:

JK: Ooookies, sorry about the update lag, yet again...I just got back from vacation. This chappie...well, everyone knows what's gonna happen. Just gonna warn you, it WILL get pretty severe later, and I can't hold back. Sorry, guys...I missed you all, though!

Current Chapter Contains: Spanking of an adult (Ita's 20 in Shippuden, right?)

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

"Look, I'm sorry I can't talk very often..." Itachi apologized, tilting his cell phone a little. "If Kisame finds this one out, I'm history!"

"I understand." Naruto replied from his house phone. "Kakashi-sensei would never let me out of his sight again!"

"Dolphin-man, too?"

"Yeah, Iruka-sensei, too."

It was now two weeks later. Itachi had stolen a Konoha phone book and added Naruto's home phone number to his contacts on his cell phone under 'Natasha'. Then he promptly burned the phone book.

"I'd like to see that. I can see Iruka and Kakashi following you EVERYWHERE."

"Ha. THAT would be bad."

"Worse then kissing my brother?"

"Now that I think on that, I kinda liked it."

"No comment."

"Don't."

"No prob." Itachi sighed, and then relaxed into his bed. "Look, I sense tuna-for-brains coming up the stairs. I'll talk to you soon, okay?"

"Okay, Iruka-sensei's coming over in about five minutes to take me out to ramen anyway."

"Talk to you tomorrow?"

"Sure."

"Okay, bye, 'Tashi-baby!" Itachi grinned as though he was getting off the phone from a five-hour conversation with his girlfriend as Kisame walked in.

"Talk to you soon, Ivana-chan!" Naruto covered his speech in honey as though he was talking to the sweetest girl ever as Iruka walked into his house.

-CLICK-

"Who was that, Itachi-kun?" Kisame asked, tilting his head to one side.

"Natasha. She's in Iwagakure. We met on MySpace."

"Itachi..." Kisame groaned. "What have I told you about talking to random strangers?"

"I've met her once. When we were on a mission."

"She doesn't know about the Akatsuki, right?"

"Nope."

"Well..." the shark-nin sighed. "Wait, you were getting awfully friendly with her, Itachi-kun...are you over Deidara?"

"You could say that."

"Good for you, Ita! You have a girlfriend!" Itachi looked down sadly for a moment. "Oh, Ita...I'm not saying anything about you liking Deidara...I'm just happy you have someone, that's all! I'm sorry..."

"It's okay, Kisame. I know you didn't mean it."

-Konoha-

"Ivana?" Iruka asked.

"Yeah, she's my pen pal from Kirigakure. We decided to exchange phone numbers since writing was taking so long."

"Oh." Iruka sighed. "Naruto, I wish you would have told me about that. I don't like it when you talk to total strangers."

"Sorry, Iruka-sensei."

-Akatsuki base-

"Well, I think I'm gonna go out for a while." Itachi stood up and placed his phone on the nightstand. "See yah, 'Same!"

"See you, Itachi-kun..." Kisame said back. Once Itachi was gone, Kisame picked up his cell phone and flipped it open. "Let's see...recent calls...Natasha...send." Once he hit 'send', Kisame placed the phone against his ear.

_RING_

_RING_

_RING_

_RING_

_-Click-_

_"Hiya, you've reached Uzumaki Naruto, believe it! I can't come to the phone right now, 'cuz I'm probably training hard or scarfing down ramen! Leave a message, and I'll call you back!"_

Kisame clicked the phone shut.

-A little later, around 9 or 10 at night-

Itachi slipped into his room and closed the door.

"I'm back, 'Same!" he called.

"Hello, Itachi." Kisame replied icily.

"Whoa, did you turn on the fan, or was that ice in your voice?"

"If I were you, I wouldn't be talking smart."

"What's up?" Itachi asked, taking off his jacket and placing it in the hamper. Kisame held up the cell phone in response.

"This."

"That's my phone."

"And 'Natasha' is no Iwagakure girl. She's a Konohagakure boy named 'Naruto'."

"You're just paranoid, Kisame!" Itachi said, trying to hide the fear in his voice.

"Oh?" Kisame raised an eyebrow and dialed the number again.

_RING_

_RING_

_RING _

_RING_

_"Hiya, you've reached Uzumaki Naruto, believe it! I can't come to the phone right now, 'cuz I'm probably training hard or scarfing down ramen! Leave a message, and I'll call you back!"_

Kisame closed the phone and placed it on the night table.

"Anything to say, Itachi-kun...?"

"You...You...you went through my phone...?!" the black-haired shinobi gasped, more horrified than frightened. "That's private!"

"So's my diary, but that didn't stop you two years ago, did it?" Kisame shot back, failing to keep anger out of his voice.

"But...I..."

"Why was his number in here, Itachi?"

"I..."

"Why?" Kisame took him by the shoulders roughly. "Itachi, answer me!"

"I...'Same...!"

"You had STRICT ORDERS not to get attached, Uchiha Itachi!"

Itachi flinched at Kisame's harsh tone.

"Answer me this truthfully, and maybe I'll be lenient with you: Did he get away, or did you help him escape?"

Itachi froze.

"What...?" he asked.

"Did I stutter?! Did he get away, or did you help him?!"

"Kisame, stop!" Itachi shoved him back. "Stop! Don't even touch me until you've calmed down!"

"So, that's a yes, then?" Kisame growled, walking back over.

(Damnit.) the younger missing-nin slapped himself mentally.

"Answer me."

"Uh..."

"Itachi..." Kisame's tone was soft, yet carried force.

"I..."

"Itachi..."

"You don't..."

"Itachi..."

"Yes..."

"Yes to...?"

"...I helped him." Itachi looked away from Kisame, hearing a sigh.

"Itachi...you had orders."

"I know."

"This is out of my hands."

"I know."

"Leader will kill you."

"I KNOW." he tried to keep tears out of his voice, but failed.

"Itachi...I'm sorry...but I've got to tell Leader."

"I understand...it's out of your hands." Itachi was trying his hardest not to run to Kisame and cry. Kisame in the meantime, was being torn into pieces seeing Itachi like this.

"Ita...I'll give you a choice."

"Yeah...?"

"I can tell Leader...or..."

"...or...?"

"...or you can delete that number, never call Naruto again, and take a spanking. Mind you, I won't be lenient."

"..." Itachi closed his eyes tightly.

"Ita-"

"Give me my phone." Kisame almost smiled, but hid it as he gave the younger missing-nin his phone. Itachi smoothly erased the contact and handed the phone back.

"Thank you." the shark-nin placed it on the dresser and walked over to his and Itachi's now-shared bed - They had it switched to one large bed when Itachi got more comfortable sleeping next to Kisame than alone - and sat down. "Ita-"

"I'm coming..."

"No, go into the bathroom and get your hairbrush for me."

"M...my hairbrush?"

"Yes, Itachi-kun, your hairbrush."

"But-"

"Itachi, NOW."

"Yes, sir..." Itachi turned and walked into the bathroom. Once in, he located his hardback, wooden hairbrush on the counter. (Why did I never get rid of this thing...?) he inwardly questioned, picking it up. He turned and walked back into the bedroom, nervously handing the hairbrush to his waiting partner.

"Good, you didn't stall this time." Kisame nodded his approval. "Now, then, lay down."

"I...I...can't feel my legs." Itachi replied sheepishly. Kisame smiled.

"You need help?"

"Please?"

"Alright." Lightly, he took Itachi's hand and guided him over his lap.

"Ack-!"

"I know...it's always hard to get used to, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Alright, hold still for me." As he spoke, Kisame tugged Itachi's pants to his ankles. Out of instinct, Itachi began squirming around, whimpering slightly.

"S...rry...can...t...hold...still..."

"I know." he slipped his fingers into the waistband of his young partner's boxers.

"Nooooo!!" Itachi flung his hand back, only for Kisame to catch it and pin it to his back.

"Sorry, Ita." the older nin sighed, sliding Itachi's boxers to his knees. "These are coming down, too."

"Why?!"

"Shush. I was only planning on giving you twenty...but I suppose thirty would suffice."

"Nooooo!!"

"SHUSH, Itachi-kun."

"Nooooo!!"

"Alright, thirty. Anything else out of you and it'll be thirty-five." Itachi covered his mouth. "Good. Be grateful I'm not having you count."

(I am.)

"Hold on, Ita."

(To what?)

_CRACK!!_

"Owwwww!!"

"I warned you."

_CRACK!! CRACK!!_

The blows rapidly fell now, no breaks in between. Kisame was keeping count, however, so he knew that at ten Itachi gave into tears. About at fifteen, Itachi's crying turned into sobbing, and at nineteen he began wailing.

"'S-Sam-e s-s-st-o-op...!! I-I-'ll b-be-h-ave!! P-P-ro-mise!!" Itachi sobbed out at twenty-one.

"Ita...nine left. Hold on." Kisame picked up the pace a little as he spoke.

"OWWWW!!"

"Last five." the shark-nin raised his knee and tipped the younger missing-nin forward slightly so he could aim for the sit spots. Itachi couldn't help but scream at the last few agonizing blows. "There." Kisame lowered his knee again and placed the hairbrush down. "All done." Itachi kept sobbing, now limp, and did not move until Kisame fixed his clothes and lifted him up to sit on his lap.

"Owwww...!! Owwww!!" the black-haired shinobi sobbed over and over again.

"I know...it must hurt something awful, doesn't it?" Kisame murmured softly, cuddling him to his chest.

"Owwww!!"

"Shhhh...don't focus on it right now...just relax..."

"A-A-re...y-y-you...go-nna t-tell L-L-Lea-der...?"

"No, baby...I gave you a choice...It's in the past now."

"I-I-I-I...m-m-m-mi-i-ss-ion-!!"

"I know..." the shark-nin began rubbing his hand over Itachi's shaking back. "I know..."

"I-I-I-"

"Shhhhh...don't let this happen again, Ita."

"B...Bu-t..."

"Shhhhh..."

"'Sa-ame..."

"Shhhhh..." Kisame smiled. "Shush, now. It's about time for you to go to sleep, Ita." Itachi nodded slowly, hiding his face in Kisame's broad shoulder and wrapping his arms around his neck. "Awwww..." In response, Kisame rocked him gently, rubbing up and down his back. "Nothing to worry about, Ita...I've got you now..."

"Mmmm...!!"

"What?"

"S...sor...rry..."

"Awwww...no need to apologize, baby. All's forgiven..." the shark-nin murmured softly. Itachi slowly drifted off as Kisame continued to rub his back and murmur soft comforting words in his ear. Once he was asleep, Kisame changed for bed and put Itachi in his pajamas as well. He drew back the covers on their bed and slipped in, drawing his sleeping partner in next to him and holding him close. "You okay?"

Itachi's response was soft breathing.

"Awwww..." Kisame grinned and kissed his forehead. "Good-night, Itachi-kun..."

--

AN:

JK: Just in case you're confused, time skips have been happening randomly throughout the story. It's Shippuden. Sorry I forgot to mention.


	31. Kiss and I Don't Wanna Be In Love!

AN:

JK: Whoa! I haven't updated in a month! Sorry!! JK got herself grounded again. I think I'm going to leave 'reply to reviews' out for good now that things are hitting angsty. If I get a good one, or a question, I'll be sure to answer it though. Like so:

To Kaze Kimizu: Well, thank you! I hope you didn't get in trouble! Welcome to my readers' family. Hilarious dialogue? Like?

Current chapter contains: References/Mild ItaDei

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

"Heyyyy!! HEEEEY, UN!!" Deidara broke the peaceful tranquility of the afternoon by barging into Itachi and Kisame's room.

"N-Wah?!" Itachi, who was busy attempting to balance a pencil on his upper lip, jolted.

"'Tachi! 'Tachi! 'Ta-"

Itachi silenced him with a finger to his lips.

"What?" he groaned, using his free hand to rub his head. Deidara moved Itachi's finger from his mouth.

"Oi, un, the letter I was waiting for came!" the blonde chirped happily.

"Letter?"

"Yea, un!"

"What letter, Dei?"

"This one!" Deidara shoved a letter in the Uchiha's face. "I took a magazine quiz to find out if I was a good kisser or not and mailed it in!"

"Let me get this straight..." Itachi pushed the letter out of his face. "You took some stupid magazine quiz to find out if you were a good kisser or not? Deidara, those things don't tell you anything. I took a magazine quiz once to find out if I was gay out of boredom. Guess what it told me?"

"What?"

"It told me that I'd better throw on a skirt and put on some lipstick for the guys. Then it called me a male whore."

"Ouch, un."

"So, the letter is a bunch of bull."

"Let's read it anyway!!" Deidara ripped the letter open.

"You know, I have a letter-opener..."

"More fun this way, un!" the bomber pulled out the letter. "Lessee...uhm...oh."

"What?" Itachi took the letter and read it out loud. **"Wow. Do you have a sign on your lips that say 'keep back, toxic waste'?! If you don't, you may want to put one there!"**he put it down. "Oh, Dei..."

"That was rude, un!"

"I'm sorry. I told you that magazine quizzes were a bunch of bull." the black-haired shinobi squeezed his friend's shoulder comfortingly.

"I shouldn't have opened it."

"Dei...don't let this get you down!" Itachi reached out to take his hand.

"I won't!" Deidara breezed cheerfully. "You're right! Magazine quizzes are a bunch of bull, un!"

"Deidara..." Itachi began, seeing past the cheerful demeanor.

"Don't worry- UN?!" Deidara was silenced instantly by Itachi.

Or, to be more precice, Itachi's lips against his own.

Deidara's eye widened for only a second before he closed it in contentment. He was almost disappointed when Itachi broke the kiss.

"There's your proof." Itachi muttered, blushing furiously.

"Proof?"

"Yea...that magazine quizzes are a bunch of bull."

-Later that Evening-

"Even though the last time was a disaster...ITACHI..." Pein was saying. "Konan has suggested we all go back to the bar for the evening. Any objections?"

There were none.

-7:00 p.m.-

"Is everyone ready?" Konan asked. Itachi flipped his hair over his shoulder.

"Yea."

"Okay, we're off!"

-The Bar-

"Ita, look, it's-"

"I'm NOT doing open mic night, Dei! NEVER again!"

"Whyyyyyy?"

"Because..." Itachi explained. "Last time we did open mic night I sang the _Malcolm in the Middle_theme and was tanned by Kisame for it!"

"But, I love your voice, un!"

"..."

"Pleeeeeeeease?"

"..."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

"...I'd like another beer, please."

"Aw, 'Tachi!"

-Meanwhile-

"Kisame-san...you really don't think Itachi will do anything stupid here, right?"

"Sasori...the last time we were here..."

"Yea, well..."

-Itachi and Deidara-

"You can't keep this up, un." Deidara pouted. "Just one song?" Itachi sighed, defeated.

"JUST. ONE."

"Whoo-hoo!!"

-Kisame-

Meanwhile, Kisame had gone outside for some fresh air (the bar was a little more crowded then expected) and to avoid the mediocre karaoke singers. He sighed, looking up at the stars and wondering where Itachi had gotten off to. He got his answer when he can back inside.

_"Everybody!  
Put up your hands Say:  
I don't wanna be in love! I don't wanna be in love!"_

Kisame halted, seeing Itachi up on the stage again. He was more surprised seeing him look like he was enjoying himself.

_"Feel the beat now!_  
_If you've got nothing left say:  
I don't wanna be in love! I don't wanna be in love!"_

"What...the...hell?!"

"Ask Deidara..." Sasori replied. "I think he knows."

"Deidara?" Kisame walked over to the blonde.

_"Back it up now!  
You've got a reason to live say:  
I don't wanna be in love! I don't wanna be in love!"_

"No idea...but he said he'd do it for me...so..."

"Oh, Lord..." Kisame slapped himself in the face.

_"Feeling good now!  
Don't be afraid to get down say:  
I don't wanna be in love! I don't wanna be in love!"_

--

AN:

JK: Updates are seriously lagging, guys. I'm sorry, but they will. I'm not leaving this story, just so you know. Song: "Dance Floor Anthem" by Good Charlotte.


	32. Phone Trouble

AN:

JK: This is a present for cippy-hime, who I'm indebted to for her lovely pictures. Speaking of pictures, I have another lovely lady who contributed. deingcity on DA drew the chibis! And they're ADORABLE!! Thanks again, dah-lihn!

To MasterTabby - Hunh? What? Little more specifics, mmkay?

Current chapter contains: Spanking/Mild ItaDei

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

_Dei-_

_How's the mission coming? _

_-Ita_

**Ita-**

**Real good, un! I'll be back later tonight!**

**-Dei.**

_Good! I really miss you._

**I miss you, too, un. **

"Itachi?" Kisame broke the silence in their room. "Itachi, why do I hear clicking?"

"No reason..." Itachi never took his eyes off the text message that appeared in his inbox.

_g2g, man. The 'parental unit' is up my ass._

**ttyl, Ita! **

"Itachi! Are you texting again?"

"Yeah."

"Don't go over your limit."

"I won't."

-A few days later-

Kakuzu looked at the bills he had to pay in disgust. So much wasted money! He cringed when he saw the phone bill. God knows what Itachi and Deidara had been doing. Upon opening it, he screamed.

-Later-

"Itachi-kun..." Kisame called up the stairs. "Deidara? Get down here."

"Yea?"

"Yes, un?"

"Explain." Kisame held up the phone bill.

"Did I go over the texting limit?" Itachi asked.

"Yes. Both of you. By at least 300!!"

"E...ow..."

"And you went over minutes, as well!"

"How many...un...?"

"Uhm...let's see..." Kisame looked down the paper. "Uhm...You talked 240 minutes over."

"Oops." they both looked down.

"'Oops' is an understatement." Kisame sighed. "Alright, boys...you know what I have to do."

"W...What about Danna, un?" Deidara whimpered fearfully.

"Not here. I'll handle you both." Kisame sighed. "Upstairs. I'll get this straightened out with Kakuzu."

Itachi and Deidara pouted, but were up the stairs after a warning look.

-Upstairs-

"Oh, man...We're so dead, un!" Deidara panicked.

"Don't worry, Dei..." Itachi tried, but to no avail. Deidara was panicked. They both jumped when the door opened.

"Boys-" Kisame began, but was cut off when Deidara hugged him around the waist. "Wha-?!"

"I'm sorry, un!!" the blonde wailed.

"Dei...Dei, calm down..." Kisame soothed. "Dei...I'm going easy, okay? I've talked it out with Kakuzu. I know you two miss each other, but this has to stop, understand?"

"Yessir..." Itachi answered.

"Uh-huh..." Deidara whimpered, muffled by Kisame's jacket.

"Okay, then. Itachi, corner. Dei, you're going first, okay?" Kisame patted Deidara on the back, who could only nod as Itachi slowly retreated to 'his' corner.

"'M sorry!" Deidara whimpered.

"Shhhh..." Kisame gently took him to the bed and guided him over his knee. "Hold still, okay?"

"I...I'll try, un."

"Good boy." Kisame said gently. "Fifteen, okay?"

**_WHAP!_**

"Oww!!"

"Hold still..." Kisame murmured softly, stroking Deidara's hair. He landed about nine more before Deidara began crying.

"Stooop!" he wailed.

"Five more..." Kisame assured him, landing two more. Deidara howled. "Oh, Dei...I'm sorry I have to do this right after Sasori..."

**_WHAP!_**

"...but better me than him, right?"

**_WHAP!_**

"Last one."

**_WHAP!_**

"All done." the shark-nin stroked his hair comfortingly. "Go change with Itachi, okay?" Whimpering, Deidara switched with Itachi, who obediently, but hesitantly, came over.

"Yea...?" Itachi began. Kisame quickly hauled him over and landed three sharp smacks. "Ow!!"

"Itachi, we've discussed this before..."

**_WHAP! WHAP!_**

"And you told me you weren't over your limit."

_**WHAP! WHAP!**_

"No more, okay? We'll switch plans, if that's what you want-" **_WHAP!_** "-but no more going over your limit."

_**WHAP! WHAP! WHAP!**_

"Understand?"

**_WHAP! WHAP! _**

"Owww! Yesss!!" Itachi wailed.

"Good."

_**WHAP!**_

"You're done, then." Kisame gently rubbed his partner's back. "Deidara, come back over here."

Deidara turned to see Kisame lift Itachi to sit on his lap. He slowly walked over.

"C'mere, Dei..." Kisame drew Deidara down as well, cuddling both of them as best he could. "Awww...there, there...all's forgiven..."

Seeing an opening, Itachi held on to both Kisame and Deidara, who did the same.

(Well...I guess I can kind of thank Kisame for this...) Itachi thought, snuggling closer. Kisame smiled at them both.

"Shhh...calm down...shhh..." he soothed. It didn't take long, after all, Kisame is a professional by now, for them to calm down and fall asleep. He grinned, swiftly dressed them for bed - after a trip to Sasori's room - and put them in bed. He went downstairs for only a few minutes, but when he came back up, they had moved and were snuggling in their sleep.

"...Cute..." Kisame smiled.

--

AN:

JK: Well, I'm out for now! See yah!


	33. Awkward First Date and Tragedy

AN:

JK: Well...my life currently sucks monkey balls, so this chappie will have a big shock at the end. BTW, I'm a little...horny...thanks to Eye-Freak (Good story, man!), so...if things sound a little...mleh...don't blame me.

**EDIT:**

I forgot about the previous kiss (Ch. 31), so some text has been edited. Thank you for your cooperation.

To Eye-Freak - Well, thank you very much! That's very sweet!

Current chapter contains: References, mild Ita/Dei.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

"Mmmmmm..." Itachi stretched in his bed, then snuggled with Deidara again. (Thank you, Kisame...!) he grinned.

"Mornin'..." Deidara whispered sleepily.

"Hey..." Itachi grinned.

"Thanks for keeping me company last night."

"No prob, Dei!"

"Hey, uhm...do you have any lotion?"

"Lotion?" Itachi sat up, wincing slightly. "Yea...I think so. I'll check." He got up and walked into the bathroom, swiftly locating the bottle of lotion. "Found it!" he called, walking back in.

"Could you put it on, un?"

"Sure..." Itachi blushed. He had done it before, but this time...

"Careful, careful!" Deidara whimpered.

"I am, I am..." the black-haired shinobi snapped out of his sick fantasy and quickly applied the lotion, taking a little longer then needed. "There, that should help."

"Need me to do you?" the blonde asked, oblivious to the fact that Itachi's face just turned as red as the Sharingan.

"Uhm...y-y-yea...th...that w-w-would be f-f-fine..."

"Cold?" Deidara guided his friend to lay on the bed. "That's what you get for sleeping in your boxers, un!"

"Um...huh..." Itachi blushed bright red as Deidara lightly rubbed in the lotion, enjoying the artist's delicate fingers slide over his still warm bottom.

"All done, un!" Deidara chirped.

"Th...thanks..."

"No problem, un!" the blonde paused for a moment. "Well...Ita, what to do today? I mean, it's a little too soon to get back into trouble..."

"Wh...why don't we..." Itachi searched for the right thing to say. "Go...ice-skating?" (What...the...hell...am I smoking...?)

"Ice-staking, un? Why not!"

(Hunh?) "What? I didn't think-"

"Well, it could be fun, and it should be freezing enough for us to heal some."

"So...that's what we're doing?"

"Yup!"

"Okay..."

-At An Ice-Skating Rink in a Nearby Village-

"Not that crowded today..." Itachi observed.

"Yea...makes it better for us!"

"Mmm...hm..."

"You sure you're okay? You're flushing, un."

"F...fine..."

"Okay..."

The two went to get their rentals and were soon out on the rink. Deidara seemed perfectly at home, but Itachi...

"Deeeeeei!! I'm gonna faaaaall!!"

"Oh, stop whining, un. I've got you." Deidara grinned at him. Itachi had his arms wrapped around the other male - who at the moment, looked like more of a girl - and was shaking.

"But, Deeeii..." he whined, oblivious to the face that his pale-blue sweater and hat made him look like a girl just as much as Deidara's red made him look, "If I fall, I may land on my ass..."

"So? All that ice may be good for something!"

Itachi pouted.

"Not funny!" he fumed. "Whoa-" Suddenly, he slipped and crashed on top of Deidara. Their eyes flew open in surprise when they realized on awkward detail -

Their lips had met.

Itachi hadn't done either intentionally, but he felt a blush creep up his face when Deidara actually returned the kiss. They pulled apart after two minutes.

"Sorry..." Itachi attemted to stand, only to fall again.

"Here, un..." Deidara stood and helped Itachi up, placing a hand around his waist. "Y...You, uh...skate like this..." Itachi noted that Deidara's face was just as red as his normally was. Did that mean...?

"Th...thanks..." Itachi muttered back, allowing Deidara to guide him. He looked around to see if anyone noticed, and - to his relief - no one had.

-On the Way Home-

"See, un? I told you we'd have fun!" Deidara said, trying not to sound awkward. Itachi only nodded, still thinking about that kiss. It had felt so right...just like before...but...even though Deidara had returned it, there was now an awkward air around them.

(Should I have just broken away? Does he now think differently 'cuz I kissed him again? Should we have even gone skating? Maybe...this was all a mistake...) Just as Itachi was about to cry, they were home.

"We're back, un!"

"Oh, welcome back you two." Kisame greeted from his chair in the living room.

"Hey..." Itachi waved, his mind still foggy.

Over the next few days, he and Deidara didn't see that much of each other, especially since Pein had sent Sasori and Deidara to Sunagokure in order to capture the Kazekage for his Shukaku. Itachi began to feel lonely, even with Kisame to talk to. He knew that things would never be the same.

Shortly after they had completed the extraction, Itachi was wandering around the woods when he got a text message reading 'Come back to base, urgent.' He hurried back to the base to find Deidara sobbing on the couch, Kisame trying to comfort him - and surprisingly, failing - and everyone else waiting.

"W...what happened...?" Itachi stuttered. Leader stepped forward.

"Itachi...Sasori is dead."

--

AN:

JK: Wow. My fingers hurt. I hope that wasn't too random, but I had to push the story forward somehow. Until next chappie, JK is gone.


	34. Keep Living

AN:

JK: I'm back, with a vengeance. (dun, dun, duuuun!) ...And I need a life.

To all my reviewers: I apologize for the abrupt killing of Sasori. I had to.

To Eye-Freak (again) - I totally know what you mean, so it's cool, dude.

This chapter is dedicated to Aly-Uzumaki, who has just lost a loved one.

Current chapter contains: A small (humourous) reference

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

"Dead...?" Itachi gasped. "Sasori...? How is that even...?"

"It was that pink-haired twerp from Konoha and his own grandmother." Pein said, reaching to rest a hand on Itachi's shoulder.

"But-"

"DEIDAARRAAA-SENPAIIIII!!" an obnoxious, and all-too-familiar, voice yelled as an orange and black blur knocked Kisame out of the way from the couch and glomped Deidara.

"Tobi!" Kisame yelled, more surprised then angry. "Can't you see Deidara is upset?"

"Look, look!" Tobi excited babbled. "Tobi is a good boy!" he held up Sasori's ring. "No I can join the Akatsuki as your partner!"

"GO AWAY!" Deidara screamed. "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU ANNOYING BRAT!"

"But...Tobi is a good boy..."

"Tobi...**I think you should go upstairs**...let Deidara get his head around what happened." Zetsu said, light prodding him up the stairs.

"Okay, Zetsu-san! Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi happily scampered up the stairs.

"How could this happen?" Itachi murmured. "How...?"

"I don't know, but we should not drop our guards. Clearly, we've underestimated our foes." Pein looked down. "I will have to think of another way to capture the other jinchuriki. You all are dismissed."

As everyone went their separate ways - Deidara ran upstairs, refusing another hug - Kisame put an arm around Itachi's shoulder to lead him upstairs.

"What's on your mind, kiddo?" the shark-nin asked, noticing the troubled look on his partner's pale face.

"...I feel bad for Deidara...he and Sasori-"

"I know, I know." Kisame ruffled his hair.

"Kisame...if I ever lost you...I don't...think I could live."

"Itachi-kun, don't talk like that!" Kisame said sharply.

"But-"

"Listen to me, yes it would hurt you if something happened, but that's no reason to give up on living. Itachi-kun, if I ever - God forbid - lost you...yes, it would kill me on the inside, but I wouldn't give up on living. Itachi, I want you to promise me something."

"Anything for you, Kisame otou-san." Kisame grinned and affectionatly ruffled Itachi's hair at the mention of his rarely-used nickname.

"If something happens, promise to keep living for the both of us." Itachi was slightly taken aback, but replied:

"Only if you promise the same thing."

"I promise."

"Then I do, too." Itachi smiled. "But, Kisame...what if I break my promise?"

"Then when we meet in the afterlife, I'm gonna paddle you for lying."

"KISAME!!"

"And don't think I'm kidding, either."

"YOU are IMPOSSIBLE!"

"Am I?"

-Later, in Deidara's room-

Deidara was idly making some clay birds and sending them into the backyard to detonate.

"Sasori-no-Danna..." he sniffled.

_"Deidara, how many times have I told you to put your clay AWAY?"_

"Why you?"

_"Deidara? Did you fall down the stairs again?"_

"Why...?"

_"...I said ten o'clock Deidara. I know you can read the clock from your position, so give me the time."_

"Why not Tobi?"

Suddenly, there was a knock at his door.

"Dei?" Itachi called.

"C'min, un."

"Dei?" Itachi walked in and shut the door behind him. "Hi."

"Hey."

"I'm really sorry about-"

"I know, un...if you had lost Kisame-"

"I was going to say now having Tobi for a partner." Itachi smiled at his weak attempt at cheering Deidara up. Deidara smiled back.

"Thanks for trying, un."

"Uh-huh."

"It's gonna feel weird not having him around to yell at me for being late, un. Or not cleaning my room...or..." Deidara's eyes watered again and in an instant, Itachi had him in a tight hug.

"I know." was all he could think to say. "I know."

"I...miss him..." the blonde whimpered, muffled by Itachi's jacket. "I...loved him, un..."

"Shhh..."

"Maybe...just like you and Kisame...we could have been that close."

"I think you were."

"But Sasori-no-Danna never-"

"Deidara, I know he cared."

"He can't feel anything, though, un!"

"He felt something toward you, though. I could see it. Just a small flicker, but it was there."

"How-"

"Sharingan doesn't just allow me to copy jutsu, you know."

"And handwriting." Deidara grinned. "Like that time-"

"-I forged a love letter to Sakura from my brother while I was in Konoha."

"I wish I could've been there to see it, un!"

"It was histerical."

"Hey, Itachi?"

"Yea?"

"Thanks for cheering me up, un. You really are my best friend."

"...and you're mine."

--

AN:

JK: Personally, I liked Kisame's comment. Hehe. I'll see you next chappie!


	35. Taking Your Mind Off Things pt 1

AN:

JK: This is over a year old! GAAAAAAAAAH! How time flies. Trying to avoid angst here, so yay. Enjoy the fluff. BTW, I apologize for the lack of update, I've been dead tired and had no comppie. TT^TT Chappie is a (LATE!!) birthday present for my dear illustrator, cip.

karupin7 - Muchas gracias, amigo(a)! 8D

Current chapter contains: ...???

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

--

Itachi was exhausted. He had spent the past few days with Deidara, who was completely grief-stricken from the loss of Sasori, which had rubbed off on Itachi and was now giving him horrible nightmares of losing his own partner.

He would always wake up in a cold sweat and then promptly snuggle close to the dead-to-the-world Kisame, who could somehow sleep through hurricane but wake up in a instant if Itachi poked him - gently - or made any noise of sadness. Itachi got quite the amount of amusement out of sending Tobi through there as a wake-up call, then just shaking him to wake up to Tobi's mutilation of a trumpet.

Kisame, on the other hand, was growing worried about his partner. He hadn't seen that much of him over the past few days - he knew what he was doing, however. He knew he was trying to help Deidara during his crisis, and he was proud of him for the help, but he missed seeing him.

"Hey, 'Tachi?" the shark-nin asked one morning. "I know you want to help Deidara, but I was wondering if you wanted to take a break and come on a walk with me."

Itachi yawned in response.

"I'll have to talk to him, Kisame..."

-Later-

Itachi and Kisame were walking down a dirt path, about twenty minutes away from the base. Itachi still had said nothing, so it had been a very awkward twenty minutes.

"...Itachi, is something bothering you?" Kisame finally broke the silence.

"No."

"Then why won't you talk to me?"

"There's nothing to say to you."

"Nothing to say? I've barely seen you for the past week and you tell me there's nothing to say?" Kisame hoped they weren't back at square one. Itachi now always told him everything, a big improvement from the silent treatment all those years ago.

"...nothing." Itachi trotted up ahead.

"'Tachi, you have no idea where we're going, so stop moving so fast." Kisame smiled.

"Fine. Lead me."

It grew quiet again as the duo walked another thirty minutes until Kisame once again broke the silence.

"Through here, Itachi-kun." he gave his sleeve a gentle tug and pulled him through the forest.

"I thought we were going on a walk on a trail."

"Not quite. I need to show you something."

"And what would that be?"

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"

"...No...?"

"Exactly. Almost there."

"How much longer?"

"Patience, my dear weasel."

"You should know that word has never graced my vocabulary."

"So I'm aware." the shark-nin pushed a branch out of his way. "Ah, here we are! My little sanctuary."

"Nnn?" Itachi peered around his partner's massive form to see a clearing filled with small flowers and a rather small but quaint looking river flowing through it. "...You garden?"

"Nah, they were here when I found it. No one else knows about this place except for you."

"...Zetsu would have a cow if he saw this and found out you kept it a secret from him all this time."

"Which half, laddie?" Kisame grinned, using one of the three 'forbidden words'. Much to his smug joy, Itachi twitched at being called 'laddie'.

"...White. Can we continue our walk now?" Itachi turned to walk away, but was stopped by a large hand on his shoulder.

"Ah, Itachi, I was hoping we could spend the day here."

"...The whole day?" the black-haired shinobi raised a slender eyebrow at his companion.

"Any other plans? I thought you got rid of Dei."

"I did. By throwing him on Hidan."

"Ohhhh, boy." Kisame groaned.

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AN:

JK: Next chappiw will be longer, I promise. I'm just busy right now...(sweatdrop)


	36. Taking Your Mind Off Things Filler

A/N

JK: OMGOMG!! I am sooo sorry everyone! I didn't intend to take six months! I am soooo so sorry! Lots of things have been happening over the time I was gone and...well...never mind. Something special in here for my good friend flamecolonel.

BTW - To Firevoid Spitzes and Akatsuki wolves6... (And I haven't done one of these in a while so you know something these two did was special...)

Firevoid - Thanks for the kind review...It really has changed, hasn't it?

Akatsuki wolves6 - You reviewed every chapter...Wow...(blinks a few times)

Chapter contains - foul language and references (humourous)

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Kisame had every right to groan about Deidara's predicament; Itachi had failed to tell him was that 'throwing him on Hidan' had been literal.

Now said zealot was irritated at the annoying blonde squeezing the life out of his arm.

"Oi, Kakuzu! Pry this fuckin' brat offa my arm!"

Of course, if your definition of 'irritated' is 'pissed off and wanting to absolutely destroy any and everything', then you have how Hidan was feeling.

See, Hidan was not very happy when that weasely Uchiha had passed him that morning and dropped the bomber in his bloody arms. He had then run down the hall so fast he was almost a blur.

Now the silver-haired man was stuck with an emotionally-distraught annoyance who seemed to have his heart set on on cutting off blood circulation in his arm.

It did not help that his scarecrow-like partner showed no concern and was almost amused at all this.

"He will not do you any harm, Hidan." a small grin cracked from under the mask. "Let him be."

"Not do me any harm?! He's gonna make my arm fucking fall off!!" Hidan shook his arm angrily to emphasize his point, making the hidden grin under Kakuzu's mask grow wider.

"Then I shall stitch it back on for you while he clings to the other one." again, the grin got bigger at Hidan's growl of frustration.

"You fucking bastard! I'll rip all five of your God damn hearts out through your ass!!" the silver-haired zealot shrieked, waving his free arm.

"Now, Hidan..." Kakuzu spoke as though he were talking to a five-year-old who was throwing a tantrum - which he considered Hidan to be at the moment to further the man's frustrations. "...keep talking like that and I just may take Kisame's advice and wash your filthy mouth out..."

Hidan stopped trying to pry Deidara off out of pure shock and Deidara shyly poked his head up at the words.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me."

Kakuzu had to cover his mouth and pretend to cough to hide the fact he was chuckling a bit.

"Hmmmm...maybe I should spank your pretty bottom as well..." Kakuzu grinned in anticipation for the reaction.

It was not what he had expected.

"Ha!" Hidan scoffed, trying to pry Deidara off again. "You don't have the guts!"

Kakuzu raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah, really! There is NO way you'll ever...Wait...why are you looking at me like that...? Hey, back off, Kakuzu! Let go of my arm! What are you doing?! Heeeey!!"

Somehow, Deidara felt he was going to enjoy his day after all.

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Sorry about the shortness, but I wanted to have some experimentation fun! I'll try to update sooner. Ciao, all! ~mua!


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